The Little Old Lady

There is an old legend about an Old Lady who lived in a shoe. A woman who had so many kids, she didn’t know what to do. I don’t know how the legend started, but I can attest to its veracity.



When I was a young lad of 11, I used to venture off into the sprawling woods behind our house looking for adventure. I would sometimes put my moms’ fur coat on, wear my Dad’s Lumberjack boots and lumber around naked and growling, pretending I was Bigfoot. Other times I would put on my sisters’ tutu and skip through the woods pretending I was a fairy. (I quickly gave that up and went back to my Bigfoot game when I learned what Fairy meant in the derogatory sense.) Mostly it was just my imagination that swept me away. Oh, sure I stumbled across the occasional rotting corpse; it was a pretty dense forest after all. I pretty much would just poop on them and then go on my merry way. One day though, one day my life would be forever changed when I found a shoe that had windows.



I found it in the hollow of an old tree. I hadn’t run across any dead bodies that day so I was looking for a place to poop. When I dropped the first one I heard a woman yelling at me. At first I thought it was just someone in the distance as the voice was so faint. However, when the second one plopped out, it hit the as yet unseen shoe and landed and rolled under my heel, squishing as I rocked in an effort to keep my balance. I looked down to see what I stepped on and noticed the shoe. It had 4 windows along the left side, each with shutters, and a door close to the heel. The door was open and a tiny old lady was peeking out of it yelling at me. She couldn’t have been more than an inch or two tall but she showed no fear. She stepped out of the door and, while shaking her fist at me, yelled “Ey, Ey Boy, quit crappin’ on my house, we don’t like the smell” That’s when I noticed that my first little delivery had hit and slid down the laces staining the entire shoe. That’s also when I noticed all the tiny faces, at least four, at every window and 3 more standing behind her at the door. I finished what I had started and scooted out of there. I told no one about the little shoe house, it was my secret. I’ve been back there a few times and got to know her a little better. She turned out to be real nice, but the bitch did have a lot of kids

a reply to: mymymy

Had me laughing! Another good one.

a reply to: mymymy

Thanks for the gigglefest!

a reply to: mymymy

Hah! That was good
I was just stumbling round the stories and stumbled upon this one.. I like it.

a reply to: mymymy

I got a mental picture while reading this, and it brought a smile. I really like the ending.