/Moral Dilemma/ To tell a friend the truth or not?

I need some help ats and who better to ask than the world wide web....for better or worse.

Okay so I have a friend not a best friend but someone I care about and hang out with a few times a week, we work together as well. Let's call her April, So April has a boyfriend she has been seeing since she was 17 and she is 20 now. Now This girl April is first of all a tall blonde knockout, great personality, super fun to be around and is an amazing artist currently going to a very expensive art school here in Canada. When she parties she parties hard and a few times she has.... how to put this gently.... made some wrong choices when she gets "white girl wasted." She pushes the term "flirting" to a whole new level (no complaints )

So my problem is this, recently I heard that her boyfriend has been told of her borderline cheating (one inch over that line) and now he is just using her for sex and becoming emotionally abusive towards her. But I know she does love him even if it is a false sort of love, I know she is the type that is scared to be alone and always wants somebody around to whisper good things in her ear and she will hold on to a bad relationship out of that fear. I hate to see this happening to her because I know she means well in everything she does, a complete free spirit and has love in her little heart for all of the f*ed up things in this world. She needs to be free yet still have a rock to cling to on cold nights.

What should I do? Tell her or let things run there course...? The though of her not being loved and taken for granted hurts me deeply. Yes she should not have done what she did but it comes back to her being scared of being alone yet too afraid to let go....

I hope this little rant makes sense and any help would be welcome thank you!

a reply to: Agent008

well, keep your nose out of other people's dirty business ... so to speak, even if you're the jealous girl/guy who wants to grab the pieces, after it's all broken up.

She pushes the term "flirting" to a whole new level (no complaints ) So my problem is this, recently I heard that her boyfriend has been told of her borderline cheating (one inch over that line) and now he is just using her for sex and becoming emotionally abusive towards her.

Don't you think you have done enough damage to their relationship?
Even if you managed to break them up, you would be rebound material, and the lines she crossed she would cross on you at this point.
She isn't ready for a relationship, he isn't, and neither are you...I say leave well enough alone, go find your own girl, and down the line, once -she- decides what she wants, and happens to be single and focused, see if there is any potential.

But for now, your just participating in damaging her...next time she tries that overly flirtatious stuff, stop it and ask why she is doing it..if she isn't happy, just break up already, etc...but if you push the other way, she will inevitably see you as a man without principles...and the guy will probably kick you in the head (a well deserved kick also mind you)

that will be 2 cents please.

a reply to: Agent008
I agree with the posters above. She's not a princess and you're not her knight in shining armour. You sound like a needy little squirt and even if you did get her, she would undoubtedly chew you up and spit you out. Move on and find girls that are a little more innocent because you're definitely not ready for a woman like that.

a reply to: Agent008

you wait the opportunity to make clear you want to be with her, because clearly, don't lie, that's what you want.

but b$tching out about how not nice is the bf ? are you serious ? really poor strategy + it's not your business.

I have tried to reply to this thread and your comments but I keep getting a "timed out" message and cannot reply, its really pissing me off.

a reply to: Agent008

leave it alone. She is a mess and would probably end up with him again and again and again.....and you would be made out to be an asshole by both of them.

Your best bet is to just let adults make their choice and reap what they sow.

She had to have known this could happen, and not for nothing, her boyfriend isnt the jerk. He didnt cheat on her. She is probably aware of his feelings and what he is doing anyways. Trust me. Immature idiots like jerks and being mistreated for some reason.

If he is "getting his", IMO I wouldnt get in the way of that. She is just using him too. No one stopped her or helped him.


Be honest, you like her alot and in a deeply romantic way.....if not what ever, if so, DEFINITELY dont get involved.

It could ruin it all for you.

Oh, and maybe this sort of person is not someone you want in your life. Have sex if thats what you want (though you are a scum bag for it, own that) but dont get emotionally involved with her. Trust me, she is a mess.

Free spirit.......pfft. Arent we all when we dont give a F......

originally posted by: tadaman
a reply to: Agent008

Free spirit.......pfft. Arent we all when we dont give a F......

100% Agree.

I plan to stay back and watch the flames.

originally posted by: Agent008

I plan to stay back and watch the flames.

Didn't your momma ever tell you as a child, to stay away from the flames?

Stay out of it. This could only 'go south' for you ....
(I'd say more but we keep getting timed out._)

originally posted by: Agent008

I need some help ats and who better to ask than the world wide web....for better or worse.

Okay so I have a friend not a best friend but someone I care about and hang out with a few times a week, we work together as well. Let's call her April, So April has a boyfriend she has been seeing since she was 17 and she is 20 now. Now This girl April is first of all a tall blonde knockout, great personality, super fun to be around and is an amazing artist currently going to a very expensive art school here in Canada. When she parties she parties hard and a few times she has.... how to put this gently.... made some wrong choices when she gets "white girl wasted." She pushes the term "flirting" to a whole new level (no complaints

)

So my problem is this, recently I heard that her boyfriend has been told of her borderline cheating (one inch over that line) and now he is just using her for sex and becoming emotionally abusive towards her. But I know she does love him even if it is a false sort of love, I know she is the type that is scared to be alone and always wants somebody around to whisper good things in her ear and she will hold on to a bad relationship out of that fear. I hate to see this happening to her because I know she means well in everything she does, a complete free spirit and has love in her little heart for all of the f*ed up things in this world. She needs to be free yet still have a rock to cling to on cold nights.

What should I do? Tell her or let things run there course...? The though of her not being loved and taken for granted hurts me deeply. Yes she should not have done what she did but it comes back to her being scared of being alone yet too afraid to let go....

I hope this little rant makes sense and any help would be welcome thank you!

I don't know.

You want this girl to be happy. You have to tell her that she has hurt her boyfriend too much to recover him from the damages done. Her cheating was a slap to the face and personality. How is he supposed to feel like "enough" for her when she walked out on him to # someone else? She created her own problem and now she needs to get away from it because from what you said, he has malice. You really need to push it through to her that even if they guy does care about her, the pain he feels is overwhelming him and not allowing him to show that. She needs to hit this head on and let him know this is either fixable or not but its his option. Hers if she wants to peruse him.

originally posted by: Agent008
I plan to stay back and watch the flames.

Are you paying for the entertainment? Neither one of them are worth your time at this moment in life. Are you worth ours?

Just back away and let the inevitable take its course.

a reply to: Agent008

That depends largely on your motivations.

From the way you describe the lady in question, it seems clear to me that you appreciate her feminine qualities. If your appreciation informs your considering placing yourself inside a situation which in fairness, you have no business in at this point, then perhaps it would be wise not to involve yourself, since your motives may not be as pure as they ought to be.

If however your interest is purely that you think she should be aware of what is happening, so that she can have a chance to react to the reality, and that you will point blank refuse to have anything to do with the situation until WELL after the smoke has cleared, after she has learned to love her self, after she has learned to hold her drink and so on and so forth, then perhaps it might be valid to speak.

In my opinion, unless your motivations have no element of selfishness, you should keep quiet entirely. If your motivations are utterly selfless, I would be tempted to withold my counsel until I was aksed, if I was in the same position.

White girl wasted? This term sounds questionable. So you're admitting that she'd have to be wasted to be around you or your friend? I don't understand what you mean here. Are white girls the only race who get wasted? Please explain.

It sounds like she has no class and lacks in the morals department, but either way, it's none of your business.

The fact is you are biased. You aren't a neutral observer as a counselor is supposed to be. The real question here is why you think this is any of your business at all.

Butt out. Really.

a reply to: Agent008

I know she does love him even if it is a false sort of love

....which justifies the boyfriend's behaviour, I guess.

You can't be friends with women at that age, especially her sort.

You are either sexually involved or not.

You're not, even if you want to be, so stay out of her hair.

Find a friend of the same gender.

Back off, act as if you dont care, hit it when it is available.
Give no advice, always remember she is not going to be the one.
If you can do that you will be fine, unfortunitly you sound like
you already care. Of everyone currently involved you will probably
end up the most hurt.

a reply to: Agent008

Stay out of it. You like her, its obvious by your description of events/her. Getting involved with it can get you hurt. But, I imagine even though we see through you, you dont mind her flirting, would jump at any chance, and really dont care what the "word-wide-web" thinks.

Youre not asking us...youre TELLING us. Be honest with yourself. We can see it. Why cant you?

Lady members? Jump in here please....

originally posted by: mysterioustranger
a reply to: Agent008

Stay out of it. You like her, its obvious by your description of events/her. Getting involved with it can get you hurt. But, I imagine even though we see through you, you dont mind her flirting, would jump at any chance, and really dont care what the "word-wide-web" thinks.

Youre not asking us...youre TELLING us. Be honest with yourself. We can see it. Why cant you?

Lady members? Jump in here please....

Agreed. And lady member posting here. Obviously drunk or not she cares not for her current relationship,nor does her BF. OP,it sounds more like you are envious because they are both fooling around on each other and you have amorous feelings from the " friend zone". Seeing her flirt with others must drive you nuts. Buddy,if she had any intention of crossing the line,seeing as how she does with others,she would have with you. Don't try to play the hero...many women nowadays aren't into that and it won't get you anywhere.

a reply to: AccessDenied

I fully admit I would like to "hit that" as they say but I am also aware that she is a mess and don't plan to get my nose into there affairs, hence why I came here to ask what I should do and it seems like you all agree I should just let them figure it out, which I plan on doing.

Lady's a question, why are young women so messed up? lol

To the poster who asked what "white girl wasted" means, its just a slang term for getting really really really drunk, can be used for both male and female, like the terms trashed, hammered, blackout, and so on...