Birth Order and Personality

reply to post by fossilera


Something else that is often overlooked is the generation before us lays the groundwork for the following one. How your parents were raised and what their situation was will play a huge role in their behavior and how they treat certain situations. There is the age of parents to think about, too. I think "accidental" children are sometimes treated that way; subconsciously, parents may not be as protective. There was a time where if you got pregnant there was a need to have "shotgun weddings" to protect the family name and prevent shame. This absolutely would affect how a child was raised. Mother's generally are more protective under most circumstances and father's feel trapped.

Love in any relationship is paramount for optimal circumstances. I know from my own experience watching my two step-daughters and their situations, how this dynamic works. The eldest, had a one-night stand and got pregnant and she uses her kid as a weapon. I had to pull her aside one day and shoot some sense into her brain. The youngest of the 2 is more in love with her (boyfriend?) they got married after the second child, but the father is too young to accept responsibility and feels trapped. He loves her, but he is too immature to handle it. Their first child is a boy and he is 3, the 2nd is a girl and is turning 1 soon. The mother is responsible and is doing what she needs to do to handle the situation. The children will be close and the older brother will be protective and nurturing, he will become her fraternal influence as they get older.

Thanks for sharing.

reply to post by violet


Which one are you? It would appear that you are the only child or oldest. Care to share

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


Thank you for sharing. That must have been difficult to open up about or to deal with. It does appear to have had a major effect on you. You are probably very protective of your children and at the same time extremely weary of authority figures. The dynamics you speak of are not specifically unique, but they are not normal or optimal that is certain. I do still believe that you have personality traits that you can attribute to your birth order, prior to the upheaval you experienced as you got older. The environment we are raised in always plays a huge role in our development. There are other situations I have not touched upon yet that play a major role as well.

Having a child from a forced position (rape) or being abused as a child, can negate certain order of birth personality behavior patterns. I happen to think birth order plays a role in how certain children get abused to begin with and the type of abuse they withstand. The birth order can determine how a child deals with abuse and overcomes in later years or becomes one that perpetuates that behavior and passes it along to other children.

reply to post by fossilera


Children are not the only ones affected by birth order...parents are too. In their own childhood and then as being parents...they are evolving and they have intimacy issues as parents that play a part in how they raise their children. Thanks for sharing...just curious to know a few things if you care to respond.

How old were your parents when they began having children? How many children were in each of their families and what birth order were they? Are you a parent, yet?

soulpowertothendegree
reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan

 

Thank you for sharing. That must have been difficult to open up about or to deal with. It does appear to have had a major effect on you. You are probably very protective of your children and at the same time extremely weary of authority figures. The dynamics you speak of are not specifically unique, but they are not normal or optimal that is certain. I do still believe that you have personality traits that you can attribute to your birth order, prior to the upheaval you experienced as you got older. The environment we are raised in always plays a huge role in our development. There are other situations I have not touched upon yet that play a major role as well.

Having a child from a forced position (rape) or being abused as a child, can negate certain order of birth personality behavior patterns. I happen to think birth order plays a role in how certain children get abused to begin with and the type of abuse they withstand. The birth order can determine how a child deals with abuse and overcomes in later years or becomes one that perpetuates that behavior and passes it along to other children.

It all got dealt with long ago. I don't mind making myself uncomfortable dealing with things that I need to get dealt with.

I am very protective of my children. I am very protective of women, too. I detest spousal cheating, so it makes women who deal with me 1 on 1 begin to have deep trust in me. We interact like two humans, without sexual innuendo. When sexual interest is displayed via flirting, I ignore it and when confronted will politely shoot it down. This is a great, great amount of power that I also understand I must respect and use positively for their benefit. They trust me, and it is an honor to carry the trust of my employees. People unrelated to me, whose trust and respect took my effort to earn.

I tend to hire a lot of women, because I feel more comfortable with females than males. Males are too much about alpha matches. I tend to get angry about such trivialities and can get caught up crushing people who do this until they leave. I think it relates to my protective traits relating to women (which relates to the way i saw my father treat women). I like to hire women who have raw talent, but have never been given an opportunity. I enjoy training and growing that talent. I like knowing that what I do will have a positive impact on their children, and will make them a stronger woman, mother, and employee. Its really why I do what I do: I can have significant impact on peoples lives that will hopefully span into another generation (and maybe further).

This doesn't mean that I am not attracted to the women I am surrounded by. Only that I see it as an exercise in virtue and self control to uphold the respect I have for my wife, and by proxy my children.

"Protective" is a word that is very descriptive of me.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


Nothing ever really gets dealt with completely, we adjust and we move on, but those experiences which we "get over" are merely relegated to a subservient role. How do you feel about authority figures and what if any personality traits do you attribute to your order of birth? Or are you of the mind that played absolutely or a very minimal role in your early personality behavior? Do you exhibit any of the same traits? I know I do.

However, I was abused by someone in a close community situation and it definitely caused me to question authority and my ability to trust men in general, but specifically (subconsciously) those with mustaches or facial hair. The authority issue probably would've been there any way but it was certainly enhanced by the fact this person was a respected religious figure and a police officer, the distrust of men was most definitely caused by the abuse.

Dimithae
reply to post by soulpowertothendegree

 

I was at my wits end with my youngest child when he was in grade school. He had been diagnosed with ADHD but it was mild and more of a psychological nature.Therefore medicine wouldn't help. He needed a new way to be disciplined and I didn't really know anything but what I had learned from my parents.

I was driving to work one day and heard this guy on the radio talking about birth order and how it affects how you should deal with your children, his book was called "Making children mind without losing yours" By Dr. Kevin Leman. I got the book and changed how I dealt with my son,and went on to read his other books.He goes more indepth in the other books telling how birth order affects all of us,and speaks about the lonely only and disabled children etc. and how it changes the birth order. Honestly I think he is spot on about it. His books are a pleasure to read with a tongue in cheek attitude,while still getting the information across. I know looking at me and my siblings that is sure is true.

I apologize for not responding sooner. Thanks for sharing your experience. What about your own birth order? How many siblings in your family? What age were your parents when you were born? How many children do you have? Ages? Inquiring minds want to know...Do you feel that you exhibit certain traits now attributed to your own birth order?

Soul

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree


Authority over me must be earned. I happily acquiesce to someone who has earned my respect. I work for a guy who is, for all real purposes, the Texas king of my industry. He has run the nations top establishments, and currently owns one of the top 5 establishments in our industry nationwide. He is insanely successful, but not really wealthy. He does well for himself, but has suffered the normal setbacks of entrepreneurialism. But working with him has exposed me and given me access to people who are akin to royalty in my industry. His authority is not wielded heavily, and we actually work more like business partners than an employee/employer relationship. I love him and value him among the most important things in my life, as he is an example of the man I wish to be when I am his age. I have no problem at all submitting to his authority as it relates to my job.

A policeman, however....i wouldn't stop to help on the side of the road. Not due to authority figures insomuch as the life of witnessing the way they abuse authority. If i were to be mapped out on an RPG, i am either chaotic good, or neutral good. I have no use for lawful, as lawful has nothing to do with "right".

Authority over me has to be earned. It cannot be given without the price of time and respect. I knew early on that i had to put myself in a position of authority myself, or I'd never make it in a job.

soulpowertothendegree
reply to post by fossilera

 

Children are not the only ones affected by birth order...parents are too. In their own childhood and then as being parents...they are evolving and they have intimacy issues as parents that play a part in how they raise their children. Thanks for sharing...just curious to know a few things if you care to respond.

How old were your parents when they began having children? How many children were in each of their families and what birth order were they? Are you a parent, yet?

edit on 1-3-2014 by soulpowertothendegree because: (no reason given)

Mine are in their 50's right now, so I guess you can have a safer bet at around early 30's (Don't actually know, because it's not something kids usually ask, unless they need advice).

On both sides there were multiple kids, I've got several aunts and uncles, although they are a bit more distant on my dad's side. I'm not a parent, as I tend to feel that my age is too young to be one - I'm mature, and could probably handle it, but it's not something that I should be doing yet, as I'm still in the whole "pay off college tuition" phase. Plus, no gf to be found right now

-fossilera

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree


My parents had 4 children total , my sister was born first. 4 1/2 years later I was born (making me the baby),then 8 years later my brother was born (so now I'm a middle child),the 2 years later came my sister.

This is a lot to go into, so I will try to keep it brief. My oldest sister displays both signs of being a lonely only and a 1st born.This is typical due to having to walk in both shoes for first borns (unless your twins). She became a nurse,which is an exacting field with patients charts having to be accurate and medicine having to be dispensed at measured doses. she loves it. She was always the little adult in the family.I always referred to her as "the little tin soldier". Because she always did what she was told.

For myself,wow having to describe yourself and try to be accurate.Well I display signs of both the baby of the family and the middle child. I was both at one time or another and picked up those traits. I was daddy's baby and raised as such for 8 years.Was I spoiled? Yes indeed I was. I had a toy robot I wanted at 4 years of age for Christmas. Big Lou. Lord I wish I had him back now. Thing is my mom thought it inappropriate for a little girl to have a boys toy.My dad chanted his mantra for me "whatever daddy's baby wants, daddy's baby gets". So yeah guess I'm a tad spoiled Lol.I raised 2 boys and became a dog groomer in my 20s. Loving dealing with animals all the way. I guess I was a terror to my grandmother because she could never control me (she was a control freak, maternal side),THE matriarch of the family and don't you forget it! Hated her. She was abusive and tried to play mind games with me that I would then win by pulling the rug out from under her.She hated me,told me so.

My brother,he displays baby and 1st born signs. Whoa wait a minute! Now how is that? Well he was the 1 st born 'boy'. When you have 3 children of one sex, then you have the one other that is the opposite,thats what happens. No matter when they were born they become the 1st born too.He has a more analytical mind straying to electronics and computers.He works on my comp whenever it needs it.He walked around as a child thinking he was a little lord,still does in some respects though not as bad.

And my poor littlest sister, the one that got ignored. By this time it was "oh another girl,yawn". Yeah, no one paid much attention to her and she lived in her own little world. She seems to develop no attachments with anyone really.She had 4 kids,3 boys and 1 girl. The girl walks on water, need I say more? She tries to live through her but the girl left to live her own life.

I see clearly birth order effecting all of us. My older sister is still the little adult,myself being both mediator and going the opposite way of my older sister,my brother still being a first born (even if he wasn't a boy he would still be first born due to the age gap between him and myself),and then my little sister who got lost in all this. We all still carry those traits. I still stand up and say what I think about something (always been the little boy in the Emperors new clothes). And though we may go our own ways and live our lives,when we get back together we all fall in the same roles again.

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree


I am the oldest. My first sister is 2.5 years younger, my second sister is about 6 years younger, and then I have a half-sister who is 18 years younger.
I was my mother's experiment, but I kept everything pretty low-key and non-confrontational. My middle sister had the typical middle child/black sheep thing going, but she also tried everything opposite from me and ended up being more of an extrovert. My youngest (not counting the half sister) sister never really got a say in anything. The result was that she never had an opinion...she also never really got in trouble either because all she had to do was watch and see what happened to us. My parents were barely making ends meet when my little sister was a baby. By the time I was in middle school things were slightly more comfortable. Once I and my second sister moved out, while my little sister was still in high school, things were considerably more comfortable for them.

My guess is that everything might have gone on the same had my parents not split up. Before I started high school my mother entered into a very toxic relationship that went on until I was 17. By this point in time my second sister had a bit of an escape by actually being sent to live with our father who was now in a very stable relationship where he had "chilled" out dramatically (he used to be super angry). A few months before I moved out to go to college my mother met and married a well-rounded man who actually became my little sister's primary father-figure. I leave my half-sister out of this because she has pretty much had our father and her mother to herself since she was about 2.5--pretty much an only child. Also, she is only 10 years old.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling, but the reason I laid all this out was to point out our different "father figures" during each of our most developmentally sensitive times. And wouldn't you know it, but our current choices in men are reflecting this exactly. In terms of our own personal successes (health, income, education, relationships) each sister is also doing significantly better than the sister before them--and I believe there is at least a loose connection to our parents fluctuating economic status right down to their ability to feed us when we were at our highest developmental need of proper nutrition. These changes coincided around the same ages for each of us respectively. Good nutrition makes for prettier people. It could just be a biased opinion, but I see my parents changing economic status chiseled into the faces (and heights) of me and my sisters.

It is just an interesting thought. I do believe this only "hangs on" to you as much as you let it. I know it probably sounds like I'm setting myself below my sisters in every regard, but it has just been a tough few years and I'm picking myself up again. I'm very proud of them. My little sister hasn't made a major mistake once so far (we're all in our 20s now) and I find it amazing. I don't know how she did everything by the book lol. My younger sister just pushes through everything with a courage and will of steel--and in some respects she has been through more crap than I have. I had to start my life over last summer with my son...it is a work in progress. ;P

reply to post by Dimithae


Well I guess I should be careful what a ask for...jk. Wow, thanks for laying that all out.

reply to post by awakendhybrid


Took some time, but you obviously put some thought into your response...hope it all works out for you and your son. Thanks for sharing.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


Respect has to be earned, authority is often achieved through different means. Whether or not someone in authority is allowed to influence you is not always controlled by you.

reply to post by fossilera


That is rather odd. I would think knowing your parents age is a given for any child. Being specific about birth order is simple.

soulpowertothendegree
reply to post by violet

 

Which one are you? It would appear that you are the only child or oldest. Care to share

Thanks for the insult!
I'm a middle child

reply to post by violet


Interesting that you took what I said to be an insult, quite the contrary...it was an educated guess based on your response to my thread, however, now you are exhibiting the tendencies of the baby in the family. So, fill me in on the exact details surrounding you being a middle child? How many siblings and what are the age differences? How old where your parents when they began having children? Are you from a happy home? What is your relationship with your siblings? What gender is predominant in your family? What are you parents birth orders? how many siblings do they have?

soulpowertothendegree
reply to post by violet

 

Interesting that you took what I said to be an insult, quite the contrary...it was an educated guess based on your response to my thread, however, now you are exhibiting the tendencies of the baby in the family. So, fill me in on the exact details surrounding you being a middle child? How many siblings and what are the age differences? How old where your parents when they began having children? Are you from a happy home? What is your relationship with your siblings? What gender is predominant in your family? What are you parents birth orders? how many siblings do they have?

I'm in the middle one older sibling, one younger.
Btw my answer was in jest

reply to post by violet


Well Violet you gave no indication it was in jest. Still didn't answer the questions I asked.

soulpowertothendegree
reply to post by violet

 

Well Violet you gave no indication it was in jest. Still didn't answer the questions I asked.

You asked too many questions.