Silent Moments --In Memory of Beloved Member TDDA

a reply to: zosimov

I must have missed this back in January. I wish to say I'm truly sorry for everyones loss.

She was truly an amazing person, I only had a few conversations with her here but as a poster I always looked forward to what she shared and as a person she was an inspiration. I'll fondly remember the conversations we had one long weekend a couple of years ago over discord whilst she was in hospital recovering... She never said what from. With hindsight that just adds to the amazing character she had.

She'll be sorely missed and her influence definitely spread far and wide, I'm glad I had the chance to spend a little time getting to know her. The kindness and openness she expressed had quite the effect on me and I can only imagine how colourful and brighter life was for those who had the pleasure to know her.

To TDDA
She was wonderful

a reply to: Naftalin

I got two wonderful emails from you with some of my favorite pictures of all time; thank you.

a reply to: Naftalin

Hi Naftalin,

Yes, I know Tess was into mysticism. Her stories usually touched on the subject matter and made for wonderful reading. I understand that aspect, as white witchcraft goes back at least three generations on my mother’s side of the family. Some of that rubbed off on me, but I don’t practice or do rituals.

I think you touched another subject that I’m all too familiar with. Tess’s trait of sharing and helping others may have been a factor in her suffering. I say that only because it’s what I experience. I tend to be empathic, even though I don’t make a conscious effort to be so.

People just come to me with their problems… I don’t have a neon sign on my forehead advertising as a helpdesk, yet they come anyway. I enjoy helping, sharing and sometimes going over and beyond giving assistance without being asked specifically.

Sometimes, I can’t help materially, but give moral support. Whichever method I employ seems to have a negative effect on me. Yes, helping gives me pleasure and a sense of fulfilment in the short term, but it is draining. I seem to absorb all the negative energy and there’s no positivity left for me. I can never recharge my own psyche, yet I find reserves of good vibes for others. I don’t feel a better person for being like this, I often feel guilty because I tend to curse what I do… after I do it.

As an example, I used to be an IT admin; I have colleagues all over the world and they still search for me for their computer assistance. That’s fine, but then, they’ll spend an hour telling me of their personal problems. Usually, after those kinds of interventions, I feel overwhelmed because I take their problems and think about them for days afterwards, trying to find a solution for them instead of thinking of my own woes.

And it's not limited to people... I'm a magnet for animals in trouble. Somehow, we seem to find each other at the right place and time. I just can't ignore them or look away. Perhaps, it's just me making an unconscious effort to look out for them.

Finally, I’m a firm believer in signs. What you and the little one experienced seems totally natural to me… photographic evidence isn’t necessary! I can understand one sign being mere coincidence, but two or more, can’t be… they are messages from a different place, either from people we care for, such as Tess, or from some esoteric forces, be it nature, the universe, etc. It could even be more introspective, coming from our own psyche projecting a message in a form that we recognise… I don’t know the answer, but there are forces at play that we can’t even imagine.

Ok, sorry for taking a while to reply, but your last post made me think deeply.

All the best,
Enzo

a reply to: zosimov
I always share the pictures with her father too, who said that she hasn't looked so radiant in a long time.

I'm glad you enjoyed the pictures. There is a lot of work, there is more to come!

a reply to: Encia22
Enzo, it took me three months to be ready to post something here again. I logged out of Discord and here only to break my word and come back. You really don't have to worry if it takes you a day to respond.

I found your view very interesting. Before I get into that, I meant more Tess past. She's been through so much #. Seemingly outgrown it every time. Especially the thing about sharing. Tess had to start over three times in her life, twice of which she was financially devastated and once it was so bad that she lived on the street for a while. With my first sentence I meant that such experiences change a person and she has managed to keep the positive.

But your view also fits the topic well. I can understand a little bit what you mean by people coming to you for help. It's not as pronounced for me as it is for you, but it's probably your charisma? If you are more calm and level-headed then people will notice. In an extreme situation you are more likely to seek help from the people who radiate something like that. You can recognize a person's personality by their look and facial expression, at least in rough outline. Someone who always has a slight smile on their face is more likely to be approached than someone who looks grim.

I know the effect from the youth fire brigade, and most of them turn to me. because I'm more of a calm grump and I don't get stressed out when someone does something nonsense. But also say clearly when it becomes too much. The kids sense that and are more likely to come to me.

I know this from training courses where most people don't make eye contact with the trainer, but I do because I follow what he's saying. That's why I know it, the trainer looks at me the whole time until it gets to the point where he actually only talks in my direction. This is the same principle, the opposite notices an approach and then responds to it. That makes sense to me.

As you say, you are probably more receptive because of your strong empathy. Or do you have more of an eye for it, are you more aware of your surroundings and probably walk through the world more attentively than most? That's a nice quality that I don't envy, but I would like to live more myself. Tess has worked a lot with energies, at least from what I've noticed over the years, everything makes a lot more sense now. She also collected and used mineral stones; I received a small one from her as a gift. There will be a reason why it is this one and no other. The thing is, I never asked. Was more busy teasing her than actually taking her seriously. What loves each other teases each other.. She stands in front of my front door with the broom in her hand and I say: 'Oh nice! Did you come with the broom today?' She only picked up the broom because my dog ​​always used it to play and then left it in the driveway.

That's why I don't presume to give you any unsolicited advice, but it sounds like Tess has found a way to avoid what you often experience? I know that she meditated, sometimes with stones, and somewhere here she writes about chi and how she can sometimes use it to cure headaches. which I have actually seen myself but not on myself. My girlfriend at the time had a headache because she couldn't stand the smell of fuel and exhaust fumes in the car and Tess disappeared with her for ten minutes, after which she felt great. Or maybe she just had an ibuprofen in her bag. This is just speculation on my part, trying to classify it somehow with the new information.

a reply to: Naftalin

Yes, now I understand. I went off on a wild tangent and didn’t grasp her suffering was also due to her financial situation. I’m no stranger to financial problems… I seem to attract them and I’m never in control of them, they control me. Being in perpetual debt is like being a chained prisoner.

That Tess managed twice to lift herself out of those predicaments really shows how strong-willed and ingenious she was. Most people would have just given up and continued living on the streets.

I suppose I am more attentive of my surroundings, as you say, and you’re right, eye contact surely plays a major part of that. Your calm and collectiveness is an important quality that is getting rarer with each new generation. That students seek you for guidance is important… the youth of today need role models more than ever before; even though, I’m afraid that most of them will just grow up to be zombies.

There’s a lot of positivity from meditation. I guess minerals, stones, crystals, etc. can help with that process… how it works exactly is something I will never understand. All I know is that I’m attracted to stones of every kind and usually keep one or two in my pockets… mostly to stroke like a “worry stone”. There’s something about the tactility of stones that I don’t get from anything else.

Finally, you made me laugh with your penultimate line about ibuprofen… your speculation has a foundation; knowing Tess’s mystical knowledge, but also her practical nature, does leave for doubt. I think you two had a special friendship, where laughter and seriousness melded together. It’s not easy for sarcasm to be understood by everyone, but you two seemed to thrive on it.

Ok, back at work this morning. II hope you have a great week, Naftalin!

a reply to: Encia22
I think the financial problems she had in the past were the least of Tess's problems. I don't know all the details and I'm not sure what she posted about the rest of her life here. That's why I hold back a little. This is more in the direction of the sad and shocking things that she has never talked about openly with me. I understand that though. I understand why she showed so much of herself here and less in real life. Who knows how many tears were shed while she wrote such texts that made her naked from her soul.

I also shed tears while writing here and you might not think so. It's just text and there's no physical closeness, which is probably why she was so open here. It takes a shovel full of courage and it shows character to share weaknesses openly like Tess.

Someone wrote that it's strange how you can see into a stranger's soul. I mean look at me now, I would never talk to my work colleagues about things like this as openly as I do here. It wasn't just me who had such a connection with Tess, I'm just the one who had the most contact with her. Most of them moved very far away and I did too for a while. But I came back to my homeland. We used to be a wild, tight-knit bunch of adrenaline-addicted motorsport freaks who actually only worked for the weekend. We shared almost everything with each other except our toothbrushes and underwear. After 2-3 days we all probably smelled the same.

You work sweaty and unshowered skin to skin at 35°C in the shade under the car and you don't feel squeamish when you have sweat from your friends on your skin or have to take someone else's sweaty T-shirt because yours is even dirtier and you don't have any fresh ones left. Of course everything is very embellished now so that the point gets across, yes we took a shower too . We all trusted each other blindly because when you're shooting down the mountain down the track in a convoy, the person in front of you can't make a mistake and you have to have blind trust that the person in front of you will set the anchor point correctly because otherwise you'll fly off. Or push the one in front of you into the guard rails - or if there aren't any, into a tree.

It's like asking your buddy to pack your parachute for you. And when you have a connection like that you can say anything to each other. You can tease yourself, get angry, wash someone's eyes when you notice something is going wrong. You then love these people like your family, sometimes even more deeply because you can't choose your family.

I met Tess at a drag strip back then. I can still remember the first time I saw her, she was really going wild. There are a few name similarities and someone who thought he was smart swapped her first name with mine because they thought it was a mistake. Her uncle has the same name as me, only as a second name. And he was well known with his car at such events, only Tess was still new at the time. Back then, women were unicorns in motorsport.

She was really upset because it probably wasn't the first time that her name had been misspelled or her name had been made into a boy's name. Stood there with her racing overalls and fiery red hair, her face almost as red. I went to the race management because my cousin told me they spelled my name wrong. If I had gone to the race management 5 minutes later, I would never have met her, would not have been next to her on the start line. We competed against each other and my cousin had already checked out their car in the morning. And the two checked ours. Actually I should have won but the car didn't perform. After the first run against Tess, the two came to me. Tess was quite curious because they both thought they would lose. People thought I had torn off a gear wheel. The two then offered to help because they thought there was something wrong with the setup.

At the time I thought Tess was just a wannabe when she drove a little off course with me - she was behind the steering wheel. I thought the woman couldn't drive and just had a big mouth. She drove like a beginner - that's what I thought at first. After a short time I was very annoyed. She stops at some point and asks me if I don't feel how the control unit reduces the ignition angle as soon as boost pressure is created and that she knows exactly what the problem is. Would she be allowed to repair it? I was so perplexed because I wasn't expecting it. She then crawled back to the fuel pumps and replaced a cable bridge. I, as a brainless person, had electrically connected the two pumps so that they were one behind the other, not next to each other. Both had less than half the power. She annoyed me with that for years She then used her feminine charm to get to the dyno of a team that actually wanted to leave two hours earlier. She mapped my car for half an hour after we had removed the front drive shaft together because it was only a rear-wheel drive dyno, one of those mobile ones. Just like that. As if that wasn't a big deal. My initial rejection quickly turned into curiosity and admiration.

We raced against each other again and this time I had a low 10 on the 1/4 instead of a high 11. That's almost 1.5 seconds. After we both stopped, she ran up to me, beaming with joy and cheering, and hugged me! Almost blew me away. She was happy that she lost! What? Tess was like that. I then spent the night at their house because it was far too late for me to load the car onto the trailer and drive home.

From then on I was with the two of them very often, summer parties, birthdays and one of the team with the dyno also kept in touch. The three of us then met two others from the region at various events. From then on we were all inseparable. We once repaired a total damage in three days. We were awake for four days. When parts were delivered, the signature for the parcel carrier was not yet dry and the part was already unpacked. Our girlfriends cooked, Tess built an engine from two old with some new parts, I did the bodywork and welding, and the three others took care of the wiring harness, chassis and paint. Combining such actions was - for us - simply legendary. Those were the days. Young, dynamic and stupid actions.

That's why I wasn't the only one who had such a close friendship with her; that was very important to me to make clear. I'm just the tip of the spear and was closest to her, had the most contact in the last few years.

Und außerdem...

I'm not the only close friend of tess here who mourns. I'm only here because I did a few favors for Tess. I used the phone for her when she no longer had the strength to hold it herself.

One of them was to tell her best friend Zosimov gently in case she didn't survive the night. Afterwards I deleted the phone like she wanted so that the father couldn't rummage around in her life. And then it occurred to me, shockingly, that there was a person who had just received terrible news and now had to deal with it. Not getting any answers and having questions that she can no longer get answers to. The days before, I could see on Tess's face how happy she was when she was on her cell phone, so I knew it wasn't just anyone, but someone important. But not who.

I came here because I was here last year and knew that Tess would be here a lot because she invited me. Because Tess said the latest news can be found here before it appears in the newspaper or on TV. But just English. Same topic in the discord and there was also a dispute so I didn't feel like dealing with you all. But I didn't know that it was this terrible person and that the rest of you are different! I have done you all an injustice with this.

Then I read a little about Tess and came across this thread while browsing and saw Zosimov's name.

Zosimov certainly doesn't want to hear or accept that, but you can know that she helped Tess' daughter incredibly with her care package. Here I only ever talk about Tess and there is someone sitting here who has just as big a heart as Tess. Therefore, I bow to Zosimov. Who was there for Tess in the last difficult weeks. The private conversations with her helped me a lot. I am very grateful for that. The most important: she brought her daughter relief during this difficult time,
with her generous but humble and motherly nature.

Endless thanks and respect to Zosimov. May she always be well accompanied on her journey, with all the happiness and health that I wish for her and family.

a reply to: Naftalin

Absolutely! If you could put in a blender and mix together the heart of a lion, the strength of a bear, the quill of Shakespeare, the mind of Einstein, the tears of an Angel and some camomile, then that is, Zosimov… the perfect human cocktail.



I’m grateful for your added input, Naftalin. You’ve helped fill in a lot of blanks with your amusing and touching anecdotes and experiences with Tess. I think anyone here who interacted with her needs that added information to really appreciate the person that she was, the soul behind the avatar.

Also, it’s wonderful that you’ve been able to look past the few idiots that are inevitable in any large Community, open your heart to us; giving you a chance to reminisce and make peace with your emotions. Should ATS go belly up at some point in the near future, at least we all know where the next watering hole is… I know you’ve already setup a tent there… I’ve got the beers on ice.

Take care,
Enzo

a reply to: Encia22

I'll see a therapist soon and things will get better. The priest she sent out the door was very good to me afterwards and I thought about his words again and again. I have now realized that I need professional help. That I can't cope on my own like this. On the backs of all of you.

If anyone felt uncomfortable because of me, I would like to apologize for those moments.

That's why I want to thank you for your patience here, especially you and Zosimov. Everyone else who didn't say anything negative and left me alone, thank you. The people in the discord where people are patient and tolerant, thank you too. The people here with comments sharing, thank you.

Thanks so much.

Dear friends, please stand by. I am working on some responses during my free time.

Take care, sending love!

🤍🤍🤍

One thing I loved most about TDDA was her impulse to make things better for everyone/everything around. This manifested in myriad ways, in her career, in her forest, in her community, and right here in ATS. She was a grateful and giving person. She was such a strong woman who had overcome some shattering obstacles to excel in a variety of ways. She was humble and stoic. She was wickedly funny and fun, smart, and supportive. What more could one want in a friendship? I was honored with a beautiful and loving friend who even helped me grieve for her loss through letters and thoughts she’s shared with me.

There’s still a bitter pang. She was so young, she was an extraordinary mother to a beautiful little soul, she had plans and dreams! I’ve tried my best to heal these because of what she would want for loved ones. I know she would never want to be the source of bitterness or anger. And for the most part, when I think of TDDA I feel joy, gratitude, humility, and wonder.

Naftalin, Encia, you two have been instrumental in helping me grieve and process the loss of such a dear soul who made the world a better place wherever she went. I know she had her faults too as a human, but I couldn’t have asked for a better friend and support. She is still helping me become a better person, including through connecting me with you two. Naftalin, to know that the package I sent brought some relief to her little one and that she has such a wonderful uncle to help care for her is therapeutic for me. Knowing how Tess overcame the same to thrive and bring such beauty and joy to the world, and that her little one is so much like her is also therapy. Seeing how TDDA in her generosity left so much for us to celebrate is also helpful. I will forever be grateful to you and Encia (who reached out to me after the sad news). I hope you heal from your pain and find peace. You brought our friend the most joyful moments when she needed them the most. I am so grateful you two had such a wonderful friendship, I’m happy for what you brought each other.

I’m also so grateful for all the ATSers here sharing their experiences and love for our friend TDDA.

It took me a long time to be able to express this, nothing felt adequate, but it feels good.

I will always remember my dear friend with love and gratitude. 🤍🤍🤍

a reply to: zosimov

That’s a beautiful and perfect summation, Zosimov.

The hardest task is to put feelings into words; they never seem sufficient or strong enough. Even then, it depends on the reader to assimilate them; another hurdle to conveying one’s thoughts. However, whoever knew TDDA will treasure your opinion and hold your hand in solidarity when honouring her memory.

I’m sorry I couldn’t do more - just like with words, actions don’t ever seem to be adequate, notwithstanding our best intentions. Situations like this are life lessons; we must learn how to cope by ourselves… no school will ever teach us about our inner turmoil, only by holding hands can we hope to make sense of the madness.

a reply to: zosimov

She encouraged me to write, that poem about the moon I did came to fruition the weekend I was talking with her over discord.

I've never known anyone to be so humbling in the way they help people, it was genuine and courteous. I had a heavy heart reading this thread but it also brought back a lot of memories that made me smile, laugh and cry. I didn't know her like you all did so I can barely imagine the grief and pain losing her caused. She truly was an amazing human being, with emphasis on the being part.

It's been said the brightest flames burn out quicker, I really wish that wasn't so when I think of TDDA. The legacy she left is in the hearts of many. She'll live on through the kinder decisions people will make due to the influence she had, I'll never look at the moon the same and that makes me smile.

I'm truly sorry for your (and everyone's) loss. Sorrow is a horrid burden to carry that's up there with regret and the rest of those negative emotions. From the little I knew her I noticed the uncanny ability to overcome such feelings and I hope that sense rubbed off on others here too.

All the best.

To add, there was a couple of raunchy magpies in the garden the other day that were terrorising every other bird, like really being a nuisance. I wanted to chase them out as I was in pain myself and it was all really annoying. Out of nowhere a raven came down and scared the bejeezus out of them to the point one of the magpies was flying into branches in it's flurry to get away. The raven didn't do a thing other than land on the tree they thought they owned. The raven waited a few moments then joined a couple of friends flying over... Looking back I found it succinct and worthy of sharing. She was often like that raven for others, a true inspiration who I'd imagine always insisted on better ways of being.

It took me a long time to be able to express this, nothing felt adequate, but it feels good.

I hope my words haven't been out of bounds so to speak, it's better to express and channel that energy. She taught me a thing or two about that and the pet stones I like to collect Encia? Apparently if you let them gather some sun it'll clean them up if you're using them as a focal point for negative energy.

a reply to: RAY1990

Thank you for this post, RAY, and how lovely to know you were inspired to write that really gorgeous ode to the moon after chatting with TDDA on Discord. It's also a nice "coincidence" how you and I reconnected again when I read that poem. I've always looked forward to reading your thoughts. It's so nice to know you and TDDA were friends, too.

I loved your raven tale, and how you associated that action with how TDDA "always insisted on better ways of doing." This is a perfect analogy. And finally, I really appreciate what you wrote about the benefits of expressing and channeling energy; you are absolutely right that TDDA showed again and again that this is a way to benefit ourselves and others.

It's so good to hear your thoughts here and sending you my best wishes.

a reply to: Encia22

Beautifully put, thank you, Encia. 🪻🌠🙌

a reply to: zosimov

The timing of my poem was unique... I wasn't aware of this thread at the time and I did mention it was dedicated to a couple of wonderful ladies I lost within it, so there's more than just a coincidence there. I guess now there's 3 About 2 years it was in the back of my mind before I picked it so to speak and many tears as I did. It came from the heart.

Aye the raven (seems rare to see them here) was rather majestic as it slowly flew by as if to say "that's all it takes" with a little "wait for me!" as it joined the other two, I'm aware the human brain looks for patterns but it all just seemed fitting as I stood planting seeds. I'm glad what I got out of that experience was well received.

I love the November moon in your picture, I'm a November kid myself and have a couple of links to the red planet including my name. Incidentally I went out to spend some time gazing last Tuesday but the clouds had other ideas... Some things can't be rushed.

Thank you for the best wishes and the same back to you! I genuinely hope you're doing ok and keep plodding on, started getting a visual migraine (good sign usually) when typing this so I apologise if it seems a bit all over or weird linguistically... Hehe just remembering how much effort she put into her 2nd language, like all things!

All the best zos

a reply to: zosimov
I miss her very much too. And I'm glad I didn't do too much wrong. The fact that I was able to help you a little reassures me that it was okay to come here and say something about the circumstances.

It was more than clear that there was someone important there, she spoke of you as a sister, that's a novelty. It hurts me so much knowing that you were sitting there and couldn't hug her. The moment I realized that Tess hadn't talked about the serious situation - in case something went wrong - that I should write to you was like a punch in the stomach. That cost me a long time to sleep because I wasn't sure whether she didn't want to burden me with this, whether it was because she had a special letter for you. Or because I didn't ask her. Or because I told her that I wouldn't let her down and that everything else would take care of itself and fall into place. I'll never know.

The only important thing for me is that my decision to take the unspoken things into my own hands was the right one. I know Tess would never have expected this from me. In light of new findings about how she ended up here, I understand that. I also know that she had experiences with a similar situation, which I suspect led to me being able to persuade her not to stay alone. I understand the evening better now than I did a few months ago. Too much personal for the public but I think you know what I mean about the similar situation.

In any case, I was uncomfortable knowing the unlock pattern for her phone, I'm weird. Writing to you was okay as long as she told me what to type shortly after she was taken from the recovery room to her room. Then I just acted on my gut instinct. I think that was the right thing to do and I hope that I acted in Tess's will.

But it was wrong of me to write about mistakes. I'll put that on the translator. By that I mean, because of her principles, she sometimes didn't do or had to do things that others would have expected or that not everyone understood. At the same time, a lot of it is what made her special and what many loved about her. Or just hated; if you didn't know her and her principles well. I felt the same way about her at the beginning, there are just too many people who are not like she was.

a reply to: Naftalin

I've been thinking of her a lot, and at really nice moments. When I was planting the seeds for my garden, I thought about all the times we shared gardening or foraging tips (and from her end, tree pruning and maintenance advice).
A family of crows is building a nest nearby and I think of her when they come by Now especially snowy white apple blossoms also remind me of her.

Thank you for acting on your gut instinct. I can only speak for myself, but your words were so much kinder and illuminating than the long silence would have been. She did have a letter for me in case things went wrong as well, but there would have been days of wondering and worrying and I also would never have known the situation, which was healing for me to know. And I've very much enjoyed my communication with you.

I hope you've been well; all the best wishes to you, Naftalin.

The way you put it - talking about a long silence - I'm sure it was good. I don't even have to think about it now - anymore. Normally Tess never left things like that to chance. It must have been terrible for her to weigh up whether she was burdening me with what I had already done or whether you wasn't getting any information. That's where my uncertainty came from. At that point it was already known that she would only survive the night if there was a miracle. There was nothing that could have been done except sedate her in the hope that she could heal during that time. But she didn't want to do that because she had seen her aunt do it, how she was in a coma for weeks before she got weaker and weaker and finally passed away.

She also told the priest to go to hell and felt bad afterwards because she knew the priest is not at fault. At the same time she said that a priest like that has to be able to put up with that in his religious beliefs. And she is not a Christian, and the priest knows that too. And she certainly won't be baptized again to receive the final anointing, which she doesn't want at all because it doesn't correspond to her beliefs. She got really upset for a moment. I am impressed by her dignity and strength. In retrospect I admire her infinitely for that. These are things you don't think about, when you see what an extraordinary person she was. She had the opportunity to call her daughter one last time and she didn't. I didn't understand it at first, but when she just said, not in that state and not with so little time. With such determination and clarity, I got a chill down my spine. That made me think for a long time. Especially the last part. Why you wouldn't risk a call like that in a situation like that. I wasn't the strong one that evening. I'm still glad I was able to be with her. Despite all that strength, no one should be alone in a situation like that.

But now I know - because I did what I did - that it was a good thing and maybe Tess had that trust too. Think about what you would have done in my situation? Probably the same. Tess knew that too, I'm sure. Then I'm very calm and I also enjoy the conversations with you in private or here in the thread. Alongside the other members here in the thread (wink), all of whom I find to be pleasant people.

It's strange with the crows. So either I pay more attention to crows and ravens or they are signs. Yes, everyone just laugh at me. I find it more than striking how often I've seen crows recently doing things that I don't know. I'm a hunter and so I pay attention to things like that. Not from a distance, no. I come home in the evening and have a strange feeling, as if someone was watching me. I turn around and a crow flies away, we made eye contact for a millisecond. I must have walked right past it. Maybe three meters from the front door with a teasing CAW as if the crow found it funny.

I know, I know... Then the raven that her daughter saw when we saw the bright white blossoming tree that I wanted to take a photo of. The one with the duck and the drake. The crow with the walnut in its beak that flew away from the fireplace opposite, just as I saw it. At that moment I thought about her trees and the work with them! It flew towards me as if it was challenging me, only to turn away at the last moment. That's when I saw the walnut. Yes, crows like walnuts, what is the probability that I'll think of their apple and walnut trees, how much work that is and then the crow that pulls me out of my melancholy again, with the appropriate symbolism.

As someone who isn't that spiritual, I ask myself, what's going on here and above all, how is that supposed to work? Of course, if something like that were possible, Tess would rather be with her daughter than with me. Or with Zosimov. No offense, you know what I mean, she is her daughter and crows only have a certain range. So what is going on? I am only half serious, but somehow I am. Yes, I am in an emotional situation where I am aware that you cling to something like that. Just like I didn't want to believe it at first and only realized the next morning when I woke up what had happened the night before. Because it was all like a bad dream. But I wanted to at least mention it. Tess's belief also had something to do with reincarnation. We don't know what we don't know. So I'll go along with it, with a healthy dose of skepticism. Let's see, intuitively, as Tess always expressed it.

By the way, you got two more photos, one with a special guest that you already had in your hands