Good News Headlines Long Overdue
A recent Gallup study showed 66% of Americans were tired of the negative news that is featured and focused on by the mass media. If we believe what we eat eventually manifests itself in the health of our bodies then what we read must eventually influence the health of our minds. It is in this light I courageously proffer the following imaginative headlines and leads as therapy for those desiccated souls thirsting for good tidings.

Stalin's Half-Man, Half-Ape super-Warriors
THE Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents. Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia's top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior. According to Moscow newspapers, Stalin told the scientist: "I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat."

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