Witness to the Dying Process

I would like to start this thread to share experiences with fellow ATSers who have also witnessed someone dying and any strange occurrences that may have happened during that time. I realize this is a senstive topic and I thank you in advance for sharing your stories.

My story has elements which are apparently common to those in the dying process. It seems these ideas are more openly discussed and accepted in eastern, Tibetian traditions.

After a long battle with illness my mother was in the hospital and I knew these were her final hours. She was still conscious at this point. After all other family members left and it was just me and her I witnessed something that I felt previlaged to be a part of and honored to witness.

I did not negate what she was experiencing, I just sat, observed, and listened. Afterwards, I did some research and luckily, I did the right thing. It's important to let these experiences to happen organically and try not to dismiss or minimize what the dying person is experiencing.

There are two main components my mom expereienced. She seemed to be speaking more to herself then to me. She said "oh, I hear the most beautiful music." She said this delightfully and with a smile. At the time I was like umm....okay. And again, I did not negate her experience. I gently asked her to describe the music but, she ignored my request, closed her eyes, moved her fingers to a beat, and seemed to move her head as if listening to a beautiful melody.

Not long after, she exclaimed "Oh, what are you all doing here! It's so good to see you!" I sat up and looked around the empty room. She had her eyes open and seemed to be in a different reality then were I was because she didn't say hey, Cyn look over at those guys - again, it was if I wasn't there to her. Her eyes were clearly focused to an area to the right of her bed as if she was actually seeing a group of people that I could not see. Realizing these were sacred moments, I cherished them - I didn't deny her and say something like 'mom what are you talking about there's no one here.' She seemed comforted and excited. I sat in silence and wonder.

At this stage, she was still completely coherent. She lived for four more days but this night and following morning were the last I saw of my mom as I had always known her. Making jokes, having conversations ect. The nurses kept rushing in asking her to please be still, I'm sure what they saw on their monitors gave them indicators she could go at any moment but, her doctor wouldn't be available until the morning.

Now I venture off my own topic a bit but, I find it relative to at least my story. The doctor came in the following morning while I was feeding her breakfast. He said the only chance for her was to put her on life support to give 'him' time. She made him vow it would only be for three days as she didn't want me to have to make any decsions regarding her removal. He promised her after three days if there were no improvments, he would disconnect her. Liar! Even though I only live seven minutes from the hospital, I never left her side - she would have done the same for me. After three days, no improvement, the nurses gently telling me all of this was futile and the only thing keeping her alive was the ventilator and feeding tube I fully expected the doctor to keep his word. She had just started two weeks earlier an experimental drug her lung doctor (same as who put her on life support) fought with her insurance company to put her on which costs 70k a month (!!!) and he's the head teacher of pharmachology at IU - he denied me and her and said, I'll keep her on life support for as long as I feel necessary!! Feeling his motives were impure to say the least, I again consulted the nurses and our primary care doctor who had known her for 20 years and they were in agreement with me. After much soul searching and coming from a place of love, I contacted patient advocacy and relayed the story. The doctor was pissed, as was I at this moment at him, and relented signing a DNR, nastily saying to me 'she may not die' and stomped off. She was removed her from life support. She had a few moments of consciousness wherein she said 'I don't want to die' 'I want to see Katie (my 3 yr old) (uggghh!) and we moved her to hospice. I cuddled up with her in her hospital bed and spent the night holding her. She passed the next morning, our hands entwined. That doctor refused to sign her death certificate. I, to this day, have ill feelings towards him. I've since struggled as to if I made the right decison my only solace is knowing that I did it from a place of love.

Later when I did research on the dying process and found that hearing music and seeing others who have passed on is common in those dying gave me some comfort that indeed she was in the process at that moment, three days prior.

Again, I'd like this thread to reflect others personal experiences. I'm well aware as the brain shuts down could explain some of this but, I feel it is truly something paranormal. I'd like to focus on what happened, what did you see, hear, sense from the dying one.

Also, for others who may someday experience these same events to please let your loved one have these moments. Please don't invalidate, belittle, or dismiss their experience. They are going through something we obiously haven't. Just observe, note, and have reverance to share it with them.

Thanks for reading and again, thank you for sharing on this deeply personal matter.

I have a couple stories to tell.

In '81, my grandmother had a stroke. She "died" in the ambulance, was resuscitated, then put on life support. By the time I arrived, she was conscious and alert, but had so many tubes in her throat and nose that she could not speak. But you could see the terror in her eyes. My father honored my gram's wishes, and asked that she be taken off life support. The next evening, I came to visit again, staying until they kicked me out. She was alert, but not exactly in my world. She talked about the beautiful music and the flowers in the most amazing colors. She was also very excited that she would be having lunch "tomorrow" with her mother and brothers. I did not argue, but agreed that would be wonderful (choking back tears). My grandmother died in the night. For some time after, I felt very guilty about a few things, and begged my gram's forgiveness. One night, after crying myself to sleep for my wrongs, I had a lucid dream. My hubby and I were some place, in a very large crowd. All of a sudden, I saw my grandmother. I kind of pushed my husband aside to go to her. We hugged, and even in my dream, I was amazed that I could feel her and smell her and see her tanned skin (she loved to garden) and freckles. She told me not to worry about anything, that all was well, and she missed me and loved me and one day we would be together again. I awoke knowing that I had really been with my grandmother, and finally felt at peace.

My brother died in 06. He had been having trouble with his back and shoulder, and had seen many doctors, but the problems only got worse. He finally collapsed in his home, and was somehow able to call 911. The hospital doctors diagnosed stage 4 bone cancer but offered little help and no hope. He was moved to a hospice. We were with him constantly, helping him stretch and exercise. He refused to give up. We searched the web for unconventional cancer treatments (our last hope). Every day we would put on his full body brace and take him outside for walks, often stretching and exercising outside. He flirted with the hospice nurses, and joked with the doctor. At first, he seemed to get stronger, but it wasn't to last. Finally, he was in so much pain that we allowed the doctor to increase his pain meds to the point he was barely coherent. The last day, my sister and I were with him. My sister was rubbing his hands, and I was rubbing his head. We knew we were losing him. My sister said, "I love you," and my brother looked her straight in the eye, and nodded his head. He then said, "When all this over, I'm going sailing." I managed to say, "It's okay. You don't have to wait. Go sailing right now." He nodded again, and those were the last words he said. At that moment, a beautiful blue dragonfly flew into the room and landed on my glasses. I tried to gently brush it away, but it refused to go. I stopped trying and just kept rubbing my brother's head. We finally had to go, and I had to take off my glasses and kind of wave them around to get the dragonfly to move. It landed on the pillow right next to my brother's head and stayed there. Late that night, I received the call that he had passed. We went to the hospice to say goodbye and gather his things. The dragonfly was on the ceiling right above his head. The next day, my hubby texted me that a blue dragonfly had been buzzing his head all day at work. We soon learned that the dragonfly represents rebirth in some cultures. I like to think the dragonfly was my brother's way of thanking my hubby for me spending his last few weeks with him.

And I have to say, tho kind of off-topic, that hospice nurses and doctors are Earth Angels. Ours were absolutely awesome. I will forever be grateful for these Earth Angels, and what they did for us, and do for others, every day. They are truly a gift from Heaven.

Hi Whisper, sorry to hear about your loss.
Ask any nurse that works on a ward with the terminally ill about this and you will more often than not hear a common theme reflected in your post. Yes the patients are often pump full of medications such as dia-morphine, but their confusion about who is there or has been there is constant, what changes is during their last few days they will be observed talking to people that have pass on.

My father he was observed talking to my brother who had died when he was seven, some twenty two years earlier, a couple a days before he died. His health also seemed to improve enough for him to write a letter (he was unable to even read properly for a month before) to my mother the day before he died. The peak in health right before somebody dies is also very common.

Thank you thus far for your stories. Agreed, hospice nurses are indeed outstanding people, understanding, soothing, and kind.

She also had a peak of health right before this hospital admitance. She had previously been in the hospital for 2 weeks, home for another 2 weeks in which she did have this phenomon of better health for a few days actually stating "I haven't felt this good in years." This made her nervous a tad because she was well aware of the peak in health as she had experienced that same issue with her own mom. After the two weeks at home begins where my previous post started.

A point of clarification, my mom on the night these incidents took place was on no additional medication then that she had already been on for many years. No morphine or other painkillers.

i read your postings. They touch a part of everyone that'll read them. I have a similar experience , but at this time I dont think i can put the words to print. but a S and F for sharing a very private moment

I also had the same things happen with my mother. I got called by my sister and brothers saying mom would not make it over the weekend. She had been in the hospital many times on health emergencies. I got there really fast thinking it would be her last couple days. When I arrived she had snapped out of the problems but still had serious problems that cause her death shortly.

I made the decision to stay with her night and day - sister and brothers had jobs - I am retired and had the time and the money and they did not. So I lived right in the room with mom at the rest home.

I heard her talk to her long dead brother and also her sister that just past away 2 years prior. You would think they were standing right there in the room with her. She sang a song that I had never heard sing before - word for word - and I thought I had heard them all.

One stay of many in the hospital my sister told me about this experience with my mother. She started repeating a friends name that she had not seen in 25 years. My sister ask my mom why all of a sudden she was saying her old friends name. My mom said the old friend was standing in the door way. The next afternoon at the exact same time - the old friend appeared in person in the doorway. My sister was the only person who knew what mother had done - no one else.

The one thing that really spooked me one day was - I was standing along side of the recliner that I slept in. I was holding a cup of coffee and looking at my mom. I was just making a move to go sit down the recliner when all of a sudden I felt someone bump into me with no doubt - I mean there was no mistake. The strange thing about it was that it felf like what ever it was - it went right through me - it had physically moved me. The hair on the back of my neck stood right up.

This is the fist time I have ever told anyone about this. My mom died in November 2008 but I will never forget the things I heard, seen and felt. Call it what you will everyone - but there are things that just can't be explained.

My mom told me the story of being with my grandfather as he passed.

He had had a stroke, but was allowed to leave the hospital and be cared for at his home. He started hemmoraghing, and although he couldn't talk, my mom said he was visibly staring at something right next to him. She had trouble explaining it, but she said that he was attempting to point at the area and just kept staring until he eventually succumbed.

Actually I was using this as an example for the thread here:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Beautifully put post, Whisper. Thank you.
My ancestors had "death beds" where family members took turns with the "death watch". We prepared the body after death and had wakes to mourn. People were aware of dying as a process. They knew when death "was imminent", for example.

Yes, death is a loss, yes, painful, but part of the human condition. I think we turned over our traditional handling of death to morticians and turned over to the medical field to try to do away with death/make us "live longer", in a big part out of wanting to spare us the pain from this fact of life.

I can remember when, at times of both birth and death, families were ushered out of rooms to "spare them the pain" of watching. Perhaps some people thought we could even control death, becoming Gods. Doctors especially viewed death as their personal/professional "failure" (although in your mother's case I wonder if some other motive was afoot). I'm glad we are going away from this.

My mother's death was actually a beautiful birth to the other side (or whatever one wants to call it). Until I was there (she was under hospice care in her own room), I would have believed that death was ugly.

No, hers was beautiful. From what she said, I knew my deceased father was with her. I was left with a special goodbye from her, a kiss on my cheek, a kiss from a dying face, a kiss like the ones I received daily as a child and in greeting and leaving as an adult when visiting, to remind me of all the good years we had together on this Earth.

Years earlier, my grandmother had been taken away from death's door by the medical establishment, who resuscitated her and left her bedridden for a year, during which each day she prayed to die.

If anyone wants to know more about the dying process/stages, perhaps a search online would find the subject. Hospice is a great program; they provided much info/help to my family as well as to the dying family member.

Also, my parents did not die suddenly. While I wish they had not suffered, it did give us all time to say goodbye. When someone dies suddenly, those left behind do not have time to say goodbye. This can lead to much sadness.

My 2c. I think people were especially sad years ago after a loved one died, because there was some concern if the deceased had gone to Hell or Purgatory.
I also think that the many tears on this side after a loved one's passing is the result of the regrets at what could have been. The time to love fully, to be engaged fully with Life, with your loved ones, is Now, not tomorrow. Do not live so you regret later.

First, again, thank you all so much for sharing such personal stories.

You can tell by the number of flags that people are reading and not posting and that's okay too. These are personal, sometimes painful, moments in our lives and I don't expect everyone to share. Our posts are probably painfully long to some but, it's central to our stories. If people don't want to share the entire story and just post w/o detail what they witnessed, that is most welcome too. .

So far, we have identified two common themes:

Seeing others who have transitioned over
Hearing music

As mentioned by other posters, this is indeed a process. It is my hope by sharing what we witnessed it will enlighten those who may be going through or will soon go through this very situation. To give clues on what to look for and how to react or not react to their loved one.

Also, it should provide comfort. These moments appear to be a wonderful and welcome experience to the dying one. It is something we will ALL expereince for ourselves sooner or later. I'd like to assit in dispelling the fear we have of death.

Finally, I'm encouraged by the maturity of those who have posted thus far. We have managed to stay on topic and stick to the facts without conjecture of specific religions. I'd like this thread to unite us regardless of our religious beliefs or lack thereof.

Hi,

Many thanks for posting these very personal stories. I felt I could not drift through in stealth mode without posting one of my own.

My Dad died of a heart attack whilst I was holidaying with my sister in Cyprus. A few weeks earlier, my sister had been staying at Mum & Dad's with her baby daughter, Alice. One night, my sister got up to feed Alice, and Alice suddenly became fixated on something, or someone, over my sister's shoulder. Whatever it was, it startled my sister, as Alice was gurgling and laughing with delight and pointing at what she was seeing, and her gaze could not be averted. My sister mentioned later that she was sure it was something paranormal as she could sense a "presence". She felt maybe it was Alice's guardian angel.

The following morning, my Dad (who always held a great interest in the paranormal but was also extremely level-headed) mentioned to my sister how he had awoken during the night to see the ethereal figure of a man standing at the foot of his bed. My Dad was not prone to flights of fancy, and assured my sister he was VERY wide awake and just perplexed more than frightened by what he saw; after a few seconds the spectre simply faded away. He described the man in detail, but as far as we could make out it was no-one he recognised.

The oddest thing was the alignment of time between what my Dad saw, and also whatever it was holding my niece's attention so steadily; same night, approx the same time. I remember at the time recalling how I had read that children and people near death are sort of between worlds and therefore more susceptible to these otherworldly frequencies. Even though my Dad dismissed the vision as just a run of the mill paranormal experience, and shrugged it off, I recall feeling uneasy, as if it indicated in some way he had not long on this earth. He died not many weeks later.

It's strange because at the time when my Dad, and sister's partner died, I felt the whole family were somehow in this inter-dimensional place where the boundaries blur and synchronicities/psychic events happen more frequently.

As a footnote, Alice continued to see what she called "angels" up until about 3 years of age; then, as with many children, her mind became focused on this one reality to the exclusion of all else.

Hi Whisper,

There are numerous experiences I've personally had with those passing away.

Like yours - and others - there are those of the passing person hearing/seeing/feeling things that seem non-apparent.

One other experience was having a deceased Member's body essentially 'jumped in' by something else as they exitted it. I guess possession would be a way of describing it...of course the more logical explanation is that 'freaky things happen sometimes when people pass, they change mannerisms, strength, voice, eyecolour etc'.

Though those of us in the room - actually there to see, hear, feel and experience that event at the time hold a far different opinion than one so logical as that.

[edit on 1-3-2009 by alien]

Well if you have ever killed anyone you feel a peice of yourself go with them. It is really sad and hard to get over. I have seen people die in hospital beads and it seems peaceful there but when a life is taken it is almost like something rips out of your insides and you still think about it from time to time. Remember there faces and you'll be doing things you enjoy and think, I wonder if they would have liked to do these things, or when your playing with your kid you wonder if they had any, stuff like that.

Maybe I am just a little off it's kinda hard to talk about. I told the base shrink once and she put me on prozack so I quit talking to her at all.

Maybe it is just the minds way of dealing with trama but I am not one of the people that black out or loose control just feel stuff. Like maybe a piece of me went with them and a piece of them stayed with me.

I have never witnessed anyone dying. I hope I never do, just cause I know I would miss them.

reply to post by Whisper67


Last Saturday my grandma died. She was dead for about 4 or 5 minutes. And i mean COMPLETELY dead, even the blood wasnt moving through the veins anymore. They succeeded in getting her back, maybe i should ask if she's seen something?

reply to post by bcroper


..starred and applauded your reply...

...just wanted to acknowledge what you have said and shared with it...



Peace.

I think this is a great thread...one main reason I have involved myself in discussion forums was to spread my own voice of watching my mother experience a 'other worldly place' while she fought for her life. It impacted me so, I asked her to make videos with me as we talked about her experience. The link to the videos is below in my signature.

It is mind blowing tome, the variety of experiences. The amazement is that these people dont only 'see' things...they feel things, their hand movements and gestures suggests what they are 'seeing' is real enough to literally reach out to and try to touch, hold, ect. My mother recently remembered something about her experience...she said she could 'smell' the most wonderful smell during this experience. She also, as many others describe, heard music...she described it as singing angels.

Some experiences seem to relate to the persons personal religions and others seem to just be a place of simple comfort. I cant help but to wonder...if we 'make' our afterlife with our final thoughts. A saying that resonates with me is....where your heart is, there your treasure will be.

I want to send thanks to those who share their personal stories. How would we learn about such things if we did not reach out and share our experiences? It may be hard to share....and I send love to all of those who lost someone and are having a hard time with this. Death is so hard to understand. I just want to send hope out to others...I believe there is a better place for us.

Star and flag, again, thanks to others who share their most personal experiences.

LV

reply to post by alien


Thank you.

I feel sorry for anyone losing a relative or even a friend.


My father-in-law died 5 years ago,5 years before that he had had 4 heart attacks in one day, 1 major and 3 minor. he was sat in bed the night he died talking to the mother-in-law, telling her about all he'd done as a child.
talking about all the money he'd made working on odd jobs after finishing working for a living and drinking the money away.
She felt his head and he was sweating, so she said to him " I'll go get you another set of pajammas , she got out of bed and got the change of jammies, when she'd got back he'd passed on.
Its almost as if he knew if was about to pass on.