Depression sinks inside me.... Please Read!

I do not know of the appropriate forum to post this in, but I need to let something off my chest, and I feel like maybe someone on this web site can understand me... Before I express what is wrong I would first like to tell you a little about myself...and how I feel about this world... I would describe myself as an esoteric intellectual individual that is isolated from our society’s mainstream social culture’s trends, music, television programs , and any other methods that are used to manipulate and dilute the over all masses IQ, and ability to reason for themselves. I feel like people need to rely on more empirical methods of reasoning that support a given hypothesis, than choosing to believe what others tell them as actual fact. You could call me a philosophical idealist , an open minded individual.
I am a Christian and follow the word of God. I like platonic ideas, and I love to read about theoretical physics, biology and other intellectual stimulating books, and articles. Yes I may sound like a “nerd” or a so called “geek”, but give me whatever labels your ignorant society conditioned you to give to others, and follow the norm of society, because it is ineffective to me. I am a very creative person, and I feel like I am isolated from this world because I do not fit in with people nor my peers. I feel like most of my peers do not understand me intellectually, or emotionally. I am only 17 and I feel so out of place at times.. I do not have the same interest as my peers, and I am starting to really hate what is in this world, and of its ignorance. You can not understand how depressed and angry people make me. I hate how the masses are so easily manipulated and blinded by their own ignorance. I dislike pompous female entities who think of themselves as superior , to other human individuals.
Just because God gifted you with a beautiful face, that does not mean you have a beautiful heart. Or just because you receive exceptional attention from the opposite sex that does not give you the right to spit on those you may deem as “lesser individuals”. I believe you should treat everyone with tranquility and love. Treat everyone as your equal, with respect, but no people do not do this! It angers me. I hate how the media dumbs everything down. I dislike test, it seems like I have a test almost everyday! What is the significance of taking a test... I can understand some of the major significance of test, but they irritate me. Some of my peers around me are self centered and have no concern of the outside world, but all they care about (could be my biased opinion) are sex, partying, getting drunk, and doing nonintellectual stimulating things. What is driving me mad is my emotions. This depression and anger is not healthy. I have no plans of suicide, just I am wondering if these feelings are felt by many or a select few..
What drives this sort of mental madness riddling inside the brain to grow and reproduce inside my soul? What mysteries does this sickness have hidden locked deep inside its chambers? What does one do to unlock this unspoken enigma and it's barbarous bloodthirsty disease that sucks tranquility right out of the souls it seeks? How can one cut the strings that telepathically commutates cancerous diseases to the receiving end and make this sickness into something of benignity? Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated. I am sick and tired of being ignored, cast away as a shadow, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I want to conform with society, but I guess I am just asking for a few friends off this web site. I want to find someone who can understand me, anyone who has been through the same thing. Please talk to me. Or u2u me. I can not respond to your u2u until 4 more postings I believe, but any help would be appreciated. I am NOT asking for anyone to feel sorry for me. I just had to let this off my chest… Thank you
-Striker

[edit on 063131p://000 by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy]

You seem to hold a lot of rage, letting it out is probably best like this. Do you feel better for it?

Originally posted by Klepto
You seem to hold a lot of rage, letting it out is probably best like this. Do you feel better for it?

Not really, because I feel like people don't appreciate or understand me.
Maybe I feel one or two percent better.

-but thanks for asking

It's very funny how those who seek help, get ignored.

I'd reccommend you check out the Indigo Children sites. They seem to abound and many describe the exact same thing you have. You may just find your soul mates there.

Start at www.metagifted.org and join the Yahoo chat group listed there.(Don't tell them you're 17, say your 18) I'm sure you will find many who can help you allot better than the compiricy psycho's you'll find on this site, psycho's like myself

Good luck my friend,

Wupy

P.S. Oh yea, whatever you do, don't run out and shoot up your school. I'm still freakin' that Weise was on here.

(edited for spelling)

[edit on 27-3-2005 by mrwupy]

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy
It's very funny how those who seek help, get ignored.

Not ignored friend, sometimes people just don't know what to say. I will point out that in my teen years I was very angry myself.

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy
I am a very creative person, and I feel like I am isolated from this world because I do not fit in with people nor my peers.

to be honest this is totally normal, I don't fit in with the people around me either, but who wants to blend in? Surely it's better to go noticed than unoticed. Thats how I look at it.

You can not understand how depressed and angry people make me. I hate how the masses are so easily manipulated and blinded by their own ignorance. I dislike pompous female entities who think of themselves as superior , to other human individuals.

Plenty more fish in the sea mate..

I dislike test, it seems like I have a test almost everyday! What is the significance of taking a test... I can understand some of the major significance of test, but they irritate me.

test? what test are you talking about?

Some of my peers around me are self centered and have no concern of the outside world, but all they care about (could be my biased opinion) are sex, partying, getting drunk, and doing nonintellectual stimulating things... I am wondering if these feelings are felt by many or a select few..

Sounds like you just need to meet more people who share the same interests as you. You said your a Christian.. go to meet others like you. You seem like an intelligent person, join a chess club. Do something that will help you feel more comfortable which is best done by people who are on the same wavelength as you.

Klep.

And also remeber that if you educated yourself and try to change things you can. Just don't ask me how. If you figure it's a physichal problem not a emotional problem, then see a doctor and only take it for a while and nothing addictive.

Good Luck!

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy

Originally posted by Klepto
You seem to hold a lot of rage, letting it out is probably best like this. Do you feel better for it?

Not really, because I feel like people don't appreciate or understand me.
Maybe I feel one or two percent better.

-but thanks for asking

One or two percent is a start......do that fifty more times....like a physical exercise would strengthen your body, so you can work on your emotional / mental state.

I think too, that some of what you are describing is a 'growing pain' of sorts, something similar to what many your age feel, but may have more trouble expressing.

I think many gifted writers/artists, for instance have grappled with similar feelings of 'discontent' even anger with society, 'man's inhumanity...' etc. This 'angst' is often what drives them to create great works. Find your own creative vent, your own path....don't let those shallow types define what you are. And good luck.

BSB2005

Mood: Excited(Tour!)

Who's on tour?

BTW, very funny sig.

Sounds like you've crossed the line into grown-up at some point. Its a good thing, just inconvenient when you're surrounded by children. Don't be depressed that you have the ability to see where "the ignorant masses" are straying. Indeed you have a gift that separates you from the herd. 17 is a tough time, but you're real close to the point where social status means a whole heck of a lot less. That social structure which enrages you now becomes null and void here in a year or two.
Your description of your feelings and situation describes exactly how I felt at your age. In fact I still feel like an ousider looking in when in comes to society, but now I cherish the notion. Something about herd mentality just gets my dander up, and I don't want any part of it. It's tough living among the herd.

Well, I can't say I understand you completely my brother, no one can really "fully understand" another person and what goes on inside of them even if you've know them for years. BUT, I do understand your frustration and anger.

Many of the things you mention I have experienced in the fullest. Including the several instances you mentioned involving feeling disregarded.

In my experience, as far as being disregarded goes, and I am just a mere 20 years old, I have had the privledge of being all around the social spectrum. I've felt what its like to go from being somewhat dorky I guess in middle school to early high school, to being one of the most popular kids on the whole campus, especially with the females and I could kick the ass of most of the male competition lol, when I was a junior and senior. I know what it feels like to be misunderstood and even socially abused. It hurts and it sucks and its so f-ing unfair. I have been thrown away before.

But once that changed for me I never forgot what its like to be neglected or seen as "an outsider", or "not good looking enough" etc. And I never ever pushed anyone down like that and to this day it breaks my heart to see this kind of thing inflicted on a kid who's just as valuable and maybe more so than the jocks and brainless beauties that basically run a high school.

I feel you man. But know this, alot of those kids are gonna call you boss someday. Kindof pisses me off typing this and thinking about it, but everything will be fine someday and you'll be happy again. I promise.

Especially if you go to college, theres every imaginable kind of person there and you will be suprised when you find a group of people you fit right into.


Best of luck in everything you do.




EDIT: Couple ErrOrz, btw, someone above mentioned not listening to much heavy (emotionally heavy that is) music. Trust me it amplifies sadness and depression, but I also assume you know this already.




[edit on 27-3-2005 by SilverStar]

I really don't know what to say, so I will be a bit incoherent here.. I have so many things to say to everyone who responded, but I feel like I have limited time to express myself, plus I have ADHD and I can't stay on one thing for so long, so I guess I will respond to each of your replies one by one, but if I don't I want to tell EVERYONE who replied I feel so much BETTER and relieved that someone CARES about me. Because about 10 minute agos I became blinded with anger and rage... yet I still may hate what is of this world, I feel so much better about myself... and my feelings.. I am at the moment reading an excellent site! www.metagifted.org...

I'm going to "heaven"*sings*! They're SOOOOOOOO AWESOME IN CONCERT, THAT I'LL FORGET ABOUT ATS, HALF-PRICE BOOKS, BARNES AND NOBEL, AND THE LIBARY IN ABOUT 30 Seconds, and like 75% of the conspiracies I know for about 3 days. Love 'EM!

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy
someone CARES about me.

You've got that right. For sure.

Originally posted by BSB2005
I'm going to "heaven"*sings*! They're SOOOOOOOO AWESOME IN CONCERT, THAT I'LL FORGET ABOUT ATS, HALF-PRICE BOOKS, BARNES AND NOBEL, AND THE LIBARY IN ABOUT 30 Seconds, and like 75% of the conspiracies I know for about 3 days. Love 'EM!

holy crap

Originally posted by BSB2005
I'm going to "heaven"*sings*! They're SOOOOOOOO AWESOME IN CONCERT, THAT I'LL FORGET ABOUT ATS, HALF-PRICE BOOKS, BARNES AND NOBEL, AND THE LIBARY IN ABOUT 30 Seconds, and like 75% of the conspiracies I know for about 3 days. Love 'EM!

HAHA you are a brilliant evil genius!

(don't trust Nick Carter, he steels sweets from children and old ladies purses dressed with his anorak tied around his neck a la "Batmans Cape" stylee)

Everyone is unique and must find their own road to their true self.
But be encouraged that peace is there and waiting to be discovered under the minds noise.

As someone else alluded to, you are not alone, we all go through our personal hell, so to speak, before coming out of the storm.

Something that has helped me over the years, is teachings from Eckhart Tolle.
(Its not based on any religion per se, and is not a sect.)

The teachings are pretty universal, and again, for my wife and myself, it has been instrumental in the cultivation of peace in our lives.

Someone mentioned not to listen to hard rock.
There is something to this. The phrase, garbage in garbage out tends to apply most of the time.
Watch your thoughts, as negativity breeds negativity...and you do have a choice in what you think.
(you are not your mind)

Anyway, here is the link:
www.eckharttolle.com...

I have found that listening to the audio books are potentially more beneficial then reading.
Again, it goes to what you program your mind with.
You are more likely to relisten to something then to keep re-reading something.
(Plus it has a nice calming effect. His voice is cool)

Gods peace to you

dAlen

The things is... I hate dumbing myself down for others so they may understand me (I'm doing it now but it doesn't matter) (habit maybe?) I used to think my peers were lying to me when they would say they didn't know what I was talking about, it made me so frustrated to be always cut off when I wanted to talk about some intellectual stimulating subject that might had been spontaneously on my mind at the time, but I had to realize and be tolerant to others limitations. I had to realize my own limitations, and strengthen the areas I am weak in. It makes me mad how teachers don't answer my ?'s or wait till everyone else had there questions answered, and then call on me last, JUST for them to say I don't know the answer to that!
OR to tell me they wouldn't answer my ?'s because it was to advanced, It infuriates me! What bothers me more is that Jocks and brainless beauties are in the classes I FEEL like I should be in. School can be very boring... School makes me really mad, so do the teachers, I feel really out of place in school. The libraries don't even have half the books I want, or a very limited resource of choice to read from. I ... I don't know what to say. I just wish I had some female entity who would appreciate me for who I am, and love me for what I am, but then again she might get in my way due to all the studying I do on my free time... I HATE POMPUS people.. That what really infuriates me... but some of my passions do include reading post on this site , Studying foreign languages, reading many different science books, novels, and writing poetry... Now that I look at it.. I’m GLAD God gifted me and made me different from the norm of society.. oh how I hate society's ignorance!
I somehow feel like I made a lot of new friends tonight.. And that I may be significant in this world after all.. Sorry if I was incoherent. Thoughts fly out of my mind so fast! I think writing like this is a good thing, instead of balling it up like I had been for so many years....

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy
I am at the moment reading an excellent site! www.metagifted.org...