posted on Feb, 24 2014 @ 10:53 AM
Let me start by saying my lovely wife of eleven years, the mother of our two girls can be a little rough around the edges. I mean she did marry a
Marine and being a country gal she has no prob throwing on a pair of Farmer-browns and putting in a good day of honest hard labor.
Still if I were to invite you over to the house to meet her, I guarantee you would come away thinking, now there is a real lady. One who takes great
pride in her femininity and being a little rough around the edges is quite capable of smacking down anyone who argues that point.
Okay, so were all on the same page, good...
Saturday was my day to make dinner and I made chili dogs and Frito pie, smothered with lot's and lots of chopped sweet red onions.
There the four of us were, pigging out on our entirely bad for you, Oh so fattening, nutrition free, God I ate to much, banquet... When my dear sweet
darling wifie-poo 'Rips A Big Ripe Stinky One'!
My daughters turned their surprised, wide with wonder eyes upon me, obviously expecting me claim credit for such a wonderfully loud and clamorous
emanation. But no, I'm a firm believer in credit where credit is due. So I look the girls each in turn, winked and with a smile calmly said,
“Mommy Farted.... HAHAHAHAHAHAW....!”
Have you ever seen the old Photos of Hiroshima after the bomb was dropped. The ones where people were instantly vaporized but their shadows remained,
left burned into the building they stood besides.
Well that's what it was like when my wife turned her angry glare at me.
As I withered in my seat I could feel the paint on the wall behind me start to peel and crackle as a result of the fire in her eyes!
“Ah-hum... Ladies do not fart!”
“Sure ya did...HAHAHAW...You cut lose a real...”
That's when my oldest attempted to come to my rescue,
My eyes flicked from my daughter to my wife and in that moment I understood how a dog can sense an earthquake before it hits.
“Don't you honey me mister!”
She said in her firm, 'Your sleeping on the couch' voice.
“Come on baby... It's nothing to get angry about...”
“I'M NOT ANGRY...”
OoooKay then..... Just let me go raise the storm flags to warn the rest of the world that Hurricane Jessie just made landfall in Southwestern
I started to get up to make a hasty retreat and felt two little red laser dots over my heart. Target acquired, ready to launch daggers!
Desperately looking for a way to defuse what had turned into a volatile SITREP, I paused and cut loose my own 'Big Fat Stinky One'.
“Damn, that one's making my eyes water!”
My wife just sadly shakes her head at me, but with a small laugh says
“Your disgusting you know that right?”
I nodded my agreement and just like that the sun came out and all was right with the world again.
Men Fart, ladies pass gas, demurely...And it smells like lovely roses....
So if you ever get that mixed up, trust me when I say, those ladies will set you straight. with prejudice and use of deadly force if required...