imho . . .
CIVILITY is a paragon foundation of ATS;
"Doing unto others as one would have them do unto one's self;
we all inexorably reap what we have sown--particularly apart from confession, repentance, forgiveness and the Blood covering of Yehoshua, The
It occurs to me that it MIGHT be useful/fruitful to ATTEMPT an exploration of that ball of wax in a thread.
I recognize that posting much of anything--particularly from a certain perspective--and certainly the least bit potentially controversial--will COMPEL
the knee-jerk hostiles and trolls to descend on such a thread en masse for the usual dog-piling free-for-all. So be it. Maybe I'll be better at
ignoring them, now.
My own . . . substrate of definitions and perspectives on the above descriptions of this 'ball of wax,' and therefore, the "ON TOPIC" parameters for
this thread as I see them. I realize that some mods may be from different planets on such issues and therefore see the parameters quite otherwise. But
for me . . . these are how I see them:
Politeness, at least. Politeness = an earnest effort or at least an EARNEST APPEARING effort to avoid
offense--particularly any UNNECESSARY offense.
And, given the flaws inherent in 'mind reading,' or imputing heart motives to others who are not living in our own skin . . . it seems to me that we
all are wise to extend the benefit of the doubt to others on the score of the level and type of motive toward civility--at least to extend the benefit
of the doubt as far as remotely reasonable and then maybe a bit more.
might also be described/defined as earnestly endeavoring to avoid any UNNECESSARY offense or discomfort on the
part of others in the same context, situation. HOWEVER, that does NOT mean that the actor concerned is thereby forced to the stupid and impossible
task of preventing offense, forcing others to NEVER be offended.
Some have a childhood ATTACHMENT DISORDERED LIFE SCRIPT to be FOREVER AND ALWAYS supremely OFFENDED at the drop of any excuse
possible. That's a different issue. And I don't think civility is obligated to be the least bit responsible for that absurd craziness AT
DOING UNTO OTHERS ...
requires a certain level of EMPATHY sufficient to mentally, hopefully somewhat emotionally, PUT ONE'S
SELF IN the skin or at least the shoes of another. THEN to behave charitably accordingly.
I have long comforted myself with the fact that I WANT genuine, authentic--preferably caring but CANDID feedback toward growing and maturing as a
person and as a Christian. Therefore, when I give candid, honest, fact based or even considered opinion based input to another about their words,
behaviors etc.--THAT'S what I'd want.
However, I agree and understand that the whole meme of the Biblical mandate to DO UNTO OTHERS . . . more has the intent of at least somewhat doing
what the other would perceive as good--WHEN that good could be construed genuinely as more or less truly GOOD for the other person. That is, one would
NOT consider giving an alcoholic another bottle of whiskey to BE "GOOD" even though the alcoholic would consider doing so to be "good."
Soooo, . . . for me . . . doing unto others is still weighted heavily on the side of what I'd perceive to be good were I in their shoes--yet colored
by and taking into account what the other person(s) would consider good.
REAPING WHAT ONE SOWS:
We all do. It just does NOT WORK to sow cacti and pretend that one will get a bumper harvest of
chocolate bon-bons, peaches or mangoes.
Oh, there's tons of rationalizations and pretenses--even on ATS--that one CAN sow cacti and reap bon-bons. There's even tons of strident trolling on
various topics from the perspective of THAT delusion. But in the end . . . it simply does NOT work.
Now it is ALSO alarmingly TRUE alarmingly often . . . that . . . "NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED." We can sow wonderful seed out of a genuinely good
heart and STILL get, in the short term, nothing but or little but horrendous blow-back or hostility or pig poo dumped liberally on us in response.
It is NOT ALWAYS EVIDENT from observations of the SHORT TERM results of an action--that the action was genuinely fostered from a good motive out of a
good heart. Most alcoholics are not that thrilled at being thrown into the drunk tank, to sober up, with all the other smelly dirty drunks.
All that considered, IN GENERAL, and certainly ultimately, we DO reap what we sow. It IS an operative UNIVERSAL LAW of the multiverse.
It's just that some harvests are so distant, in time, from the sowing, that many folks are 'comfortable' operating in the delusion that, FOR THEM, the
law doesn't work. It only works for all those "SCHMUCKS--OVER THERE."
And THAT, I think, is one of the reasons that so much UNcivility is lived-in, walked-out, abjectly SPEWED--soooo liberally,
chronically, persistently on ATS and otherwise in life.
IF the reaping were within seconds to a few minutes of the sowing, there'd be a LOT LESS uncivility and other bad-faith, bad-heart motivated junk
When I think of CIVIL, CIVILITY . . . the qualities, traits, attitudes, behaviors that I see falling under that umbrella are:
2. Generosity of spirit
3. Extension of the benefit of the doubt (but not extended so far as to be delusional. The TRUTH is also a fitting and ultimately necessary part of
5. EMPATHY--particularly authentic, practical, understanding, accurate empathy
6. UNDERSTANDING . . . Erich Fromm noted decades ago, in THE ART OF LOVING, that understanding was a component of love. I think it is also a necessary
component of civility. And, frankly, many people simply CANNOT understand a perspective different from their own--particularly on some scores,
7. FAITHFULNESS TO the attitude and actions logically following from EMPATHY. i.e. one doesn't walk by a starving street urchin while munching a Big
Mac and kick the starving kid in the process.
8. RESPONSIVENESS--authentically caring, attuned, perceptive, thoughtful RESPONSIVENESS. It is NOT CIVIL to IGNORE another--particularly needlessly. I
think this is one of the most outrageous examples of hypocrisy on the part of those most screaming about "! CIVILITY !" on ATS.
It is one thing to invite questions and feedback--WHILE RESULTINGLY to totally ignore said questions and feedback. This is all the MORE
horrifically and bone marrow OFFENSIVE TO those who have suffered extensive ATTACHMENT DISORDER as children.
Many such individuals would rather be shot or lose a finger or limb rather than to be ignored. For them, being ignored is the supreme evidence from
life that they DO NOT EXIST, ARE TRULY WORTHLESS. It strikes at the bone-marrow heart of that gaping hole of DISCONFORMATION, lack of fatherly
congruent, faithful, available, emotional AFFIRMATION, CONFIRMATION from a quality loving dad as a child.
near out of characters
9. CIVILITY is gracious. Not stupidly, shallowly, ignorantly gracious. But foundationally, generously gracious.
GRACIOUS = gracefully extending the benefit of the doubt . . . kindness . . . caring . . . to another--deserved, or not.
edit on 23/2/2014 by BO XIAN because: formatting. paragraph too long