posted on Feb, 12 2014 @ 08:21 PM
I think it is unwise for the author of that article to make such judgements based solely on the perspective of her lover, and other males. She's
privy to only half the story.
I remember my mother putting so much effort into the the sex life between her and my stepfather- in her mind, it was only through constant effort to
surprise and seduce him that she could keep him. And yet, years after the fact, it was revealed he had had affairs- while she was pregnant with my
Perhaps he told his conquests that he is dying of boredom with a wife who doesn't put out anymore or have any fun with him, but it would not be true.
What seemed to be the real case is that he was scared to death of the responsibility looming ahead, of his first child. He'd finally agreed to marry
her and let her children live with him, after more than nine years.
The stress, plus the normal draw of the forbidden, is more likely the reason he did it, despite her efforts. But men find it hard to read their
innermost feelings sometimes, and it is just plain easier to blame it on someone else. He didn't do it after that period, once he got used to the
idea of being domestic, and saw he could handle being a father.
I have been lucky, I guess. As I prepare for Valentines Day, planning a sexy and sizzling evening with my husband of 23 years, and had a discussion
with a male friend today about cultural views on sex, I reflected on the great relationship we've had.
We're both physical people- I need physical affection and sex as much as he does. But we went through a period when the kids were all little when it
cooled down a little bit, just because we were exhausted most of the time, and identifying too closely to our roles as parents.
As they got older, we were able to re-find each other though. They've all left the nest now, we're in our forties, and are living a new phase of
romance and sex that I never dreamed possible. All the excitement of our twenties, but with the strong ties of trust that get built after so many
years, and money to go on romantic weekends and buy toys and lingerie.
I have considered open marriage and swinger type stuff- and decided it is not for me. My emotions are wrapped up in sex, and I don't feel able to
open up to anyone I haven't formed a bond of trust with. But I can handle it if he wanted to, and I have told him that. So far, he worries about the
possible complications that could come of such a choice...he values the security of our relationship and feels he needs that as much as I do.
I did not know love could be this great. My parents were divorced, every adult I knew of as a child was married many times. I didn't take my marriage
vows that seriously- I figured it was "until divorce do we part". I just lived each moment in the present, with no expectations for the future. Went
through a stage in early thirties, when i got concerned that it was getting late for our parting and I'd have trouble finding another man if I waited
much more.... only to realize I didn't want anyone else! I was still madly in love! WTF?
I keep being surprised as I find love does have ANOTHER level of awesomeness, I couldn't have guessed at!
My point here is that
at least from my own life experience, it seems to me that couples may pass a period of building a life together, in which the fun and sex part can
take backseat for a while. But that doesn't mean it will forever, and when it moves to the forefront again, within the security you've built
together (both materially and emotionally) it can bloom in a way that really makes it all worth it.
Some of the best things in life take some effort and time to create, and our culture feeds our appetite for immediate gratification.
I think men and women have things to teach each other- and marriage is a school for both partners. Learning to delay gratification and impulse control
is one of the things we learn.
I wonder where the author of this article will be when she is fifty, and in what circumstances, emotionally?
It is as age creeps up on us, that the excited twinkle in the eye of your partner, and the knowledge (gained over years of experience) that you can
trust and lean on them in any way needed, really becomes important.