posted on Feb, 12 2014 @ 02:00 PM
I honestly believe the change I'm seeing in my grown son is because of stress. I don't know what else it could be. I beg you to please bear with
His work/stress levels are over the top. I stayed with him and my d-in-law for a week to help with the new baby and their 11 month old. After the 1st
day I knew something was horribly wrong with my d-in-law. I won't go into all the symptoms but it worried me so bad I talked privately with my son. I
told him I think she has PPD.
Much to my surprise he said "she does, she had it with the first baby." It would've been extremely helpful to know that going in because I didn't
know WTH was happening. I've never seen PPD.
My son told me they have a therapist they used after the 1st child, my d-in-law took meds for 2 weeks and was fine. I told him to take her back to the
Dr, get her on meds, then take her/babies to her parents house. I only just met them and they're very nice people, I get the feeling they know
what's going on. They could watch over her and the babies so my son can work/recoup. He maybe gets 3 hrs. of sleep a night. He's doing absolutely
everything else except getting her professional help.
By the next day everything flip-flopped. Now it's just a difference in "parenting methods" no mention of PPD or treatment. I admit we're dotting
grandparents but I know enough about early childhood development not to hover. My son says "we coddled" his first child and now his new wife won't
allow it any longer.
I was confused, started thinking I was making mountains out of molehills. My emotions were running the gamut, I had to get out of there and talk to
someone. I went directly to my other d-in-law who's going for her Doctorate in child psychology. We're in complete agreement and very worried. I
talked to my hubby and he feels we need to alert my son's ex because our son has weekend visitation with his older daughter.
We have a very good relationship with his ex and her family. We've always been a strong family unit and my son's unresponsive behavior makes us
worry all the more. He's not the same man/father we knew.
If she were weepy/depressed we wouldn't be so frightened but that's not what's happening. She's mean/angry/self-absorbed/completely disconnected
and cruel with absolutely everyone including the dog. The only people that cried in that house was me and the babies and I imagine the dog because her
food is being withheld. I'm not sure what's going on with that. My d-in-law yelled at me for letting the dog eat what falls from the highchair. The
dog's starving but my d-in-law won't let anyone buy dog food and there's been several offers???
I've never seen such a loveless environment. No happiness/joy/interaction at all. This is the exact polar opposite from what we saw during the time
my son/his ex were raising their child. Even through the divorce we've always been on the same page where our older granddaughter is concerned,
she's a very well adjusted 7 year old.
Now everything has changed. What's more worrying is we've all seen bizarre behavior well before the birth of her two babies. It's possible
something more is going on or her PPD was never treated properly in the first place. From what I've read 2 weeks is barely enough time for the meds
to work. Left untreated it can become chronic.
We don't live close by. On several occasions I stayed at my son's/ex's house helping with their child, it was wonderful. Daddy came home to lots of
hugs/kisses/laughter/playing, now that's all taboo. I've never seen my d-in-law talk directly to any of the children, except to correct/criticize
the older child. When he's home my son does little more than service the children. My d-in-law keeps herself/newborn locked away in a bedroom coming
out only when necessary and completely ignores the 11 month old. It breaks my heart, I can only imagine how my little granddaughters feel, especially
the older child. This isn't normal for her at all.
I was given no choice but to accept this as a superior parenting method, leave it at that and respect her demands. I couldn't do it without
confronting my d-in-law so I left. I'm not close to her so I felt it was best to encourage my son to get help. Right now my 7 year old granddaughter
isn't having visitation with her dad because of the new baby etc.
It only gets worse. My d-in-law told me my 7 year old granddaughter goes on "adventures." She's allowed to roam unsupervised in the basement level
of their apartment building/garage. The laundry room is down there, storage, pool tables, boiler room and a few apartments full of people none of us
know. The garage has been broken into before, this is Denver btw.
We are very scared my hubby wants me to talk to the ex, she's a very loving mom. My son wasn't surprised when I told him about the "adventures" he
knew all about it and at first saw nothing wrong. I reminded him his bike was stolen out of that garage, what about his child??? He said I was right
several times but now he's convinced I simply coddle and his new wife just has different parenting methods.
My ex-d-in-law won't like it, I can't blame her one bit and I feel she has the absolute right to know what's going on. This must be so confusing
for the 7 year old because she's not allowed to interact with her daddy the way she used to. Just to get rid of her she's sent on "adventures."
Early on the step-mom was constantly correcting the older child and family members about play and all interactions. It seems we've all been walking
on pins/needles from the beginning.
Should I talk to my ex-d-in-law? It could effect visitation for my son but at this point it might be best. If I don't tell her and something bad
happens I'd never forgive myself and I would be just as responsible based on what I've seen/know.
I'm already on the $#%&list for questioning/refusing to take part in what I perceive to be emotionally abusive "parenting methods." We decided our
other son/his soon to be Dr. wife shouldn't confront them. Instead they should remain in a supportive role, they babysit a lot. If more of the same
is observed with no mention of treatment, we need to act. That could take some time and we're not sure we have that luxury???
We wouldn't be so concerned but our son isn't his level headed self, stress has eaten away at anything that once resembled our son. There's issues
concerning his employment, she's never worked, their credit is in the toilet, the car is on its last leg and their home/emotional state is in a
wreck. This has all happened in the nearly 2 short years since they married. He always had excellent credit/bills paid/spotless house and lots of
laughter now his desk is covered in red/yellow/orange late notices and the house is like a tomb for the dead.
Sorry to hijack this thread but we're sick with worry/confusion. How do we muddle through without causing more harm and still do the right thing????