NO ground to stand on. Would like some fresh opinions!

First off, you sound whiny and that' s never attractive, except to the power-hungry who will love to dominate you.

Secondly, it would appear that she's playing the whole 'hard to get', love you now, now I don't, routine which can be crazy-making; nothing is as attractive as the hard to get because you end up spending a LOT of mental time wondering what's wrong with you and what you can do to 'make' her love you. You're a puppy on a string, but not as cute to the leash-holder.

Nothing you do will change this, and just because you got the head over heels feeling, that means nothing in what is now the long run, does it? She's a spoiled brat or immature or a narcissist or really doesn't have any respect for you or really doesn't like you that much but you're good for her down times without another guy around or to take her out to dinner and look dreamy-eyed at her or just so she doesn't have to grow up and be alone ever.

Walk away, restore your dignity for godsake, meet a bunch of other people and make REAL friends with them first, develop an inner core that won't be blown away by the first social road bump and get yourself some interests and hobbies that make you seem a little more attractive as a full person, and less like a whimpering needy loser without an inner life.

AliceBleachWhite

Rule #1 - The girl is always right, even when she isn't.

There are no other rules.

You forgot Rule #2.
Rule #2 - Rule #1 is invalidated if the man is rich and the wife signed a pre-nup.

An even better question is what happens to Rule #1 when applied to lesbians?



-Peace-

reply to post by signalfire


I appreciate everyones responses and opinions. I really do and I highly respect everyone here. Even this post, its hard hitting but true. Im first to admit my mistakes and my problems. Its only fair. You guys and girls took the time to throw out a vast number of opinions and ive definitely taken from them what I need. Thanks again.

Now lets go find some 9 foot tall aliens and pink martian fungus

reading this thread i think you already know the answer but your not the only one to ever feel this way! could you ever really trust her? now all this has gone on,dont settle thinking you should wait just because you may love her if this is how she treats you then maybe she is not worth as much as you think? sounds to me from a womans point of view she is only after attention and is not ready to commit herself to someone and it will only just keep going on like this till you break away from her,feeling insecure is a horrible thing to have to deal with because you are just losing your confidence and worthiness of someone.

reply to post by Lynx1102

Hello Lynx, I felt compelled to reply to your post. Now I could tell you that from a female perspective, I have known females like this and the outcome is only going to be heartache. However, you may not 'hear' this, as you believe she is the girl of your dreams.

Instead, I will endeavor to give you advice which has never served me wrong, and the BEST part is that it works for any and ALL interpersonal relationships.

When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.

Also, never expect less for yourself, than you would for a family member or one of your best friends.

AliceBleachWhite
reply to post by ProfessorChaos

 

and my reply:

What's this other guy got to offer the one at home doesn't?
Maybe that's important? Hmmm.

Further, is it more important to live without the girl, or with?

What happens if you get a job in another state and want her to move with you?
(might be a ploy to get distance between her and this other fellow)

What would brings more happiness? Life with her, or the thought of life without her?

Further, last I checked, slavery was abolished, the girl is committing no crimes, so that comparison is bunk, and if I'm not mistaken, no one has taken any legal VOWS of fidelity.

You've clearly missed the point that I was trying to make with that comparison, and though no legal contracts were signed, when someone proves themselves untrustworthy, they don't deserve trust.

Now I can give you some real advice now that we have gotten the usual ats rhetoric (dump them brah, she cheats) is out of the way.

I have to favorite Dan Savage quotes:

But Savage says a more flexible attitude within marriage may be just what the straight community needs. Treating monogamy, rather than honesty or joy or humor, as the main indicator of a successful marriage gives people unrealistic expectations of themselves and their partners. And that, Savage says, destroys more families than it saves

Straight couples don't have to be monogamous to be married or married to be monogamous. Monogamy no more defines marriage than the presence of children does. Monogamy isn't compulsory and its absence doesn't invalidate a marriage.

he says that a more realistic sexual ethic would prize honesty, a little flexibility and, when necessary, forgiveness over absolute monogamy.

People are so obsessed with fidelity that they will leave someone for cheating before leaving someone for stealing 10k from them.

For some reason, Americans have picked strick, unrealistic fidelity as the definition of marriage. Or in your case, relationship.

Here is your homework:

Stop letting it define you. Stop letting it have power over you. As another poster says, you need to learn forgiveness.

That all being said, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, or you wouldn't need to forgive her. This is a process, it is not a light switch sort of thing, it happens little by little, but it takes a conscious effort.

Homework for her:

First off, she is not helping matters by avoiding it. By telling you to get over it not only dismissing you, but it is almost emotionally abusive.

She may not even be consciously doing it, she may be so embarrassed by her actions, that she just wants the whole thing to go away.

But if she wants to have this relationship with you, she needs to be an open book. She needs to answer questions and concerns. Every single one.

And don't listen to the other poster, to earn your trust back, she needs to give passwords, logins, access to everything.
She needs to be an open book. One day, you will realize that you won't need that info anymore to feel secure. No questions asked, she has to reveal all.

If she is not willing to do these things. If she is not willing to be patient, be an open book, and work on herself, then just end the relationship. These are the standards she must now meet.

Homework for both of you:

Start over, start making new memories to replace the old bad ones. Pick up a new activity together. Something fun or interesting that you both can do on a regular basis. And you will find you will start bonding again.

If you need any more help or have questions, please feel free to message me.

I know one woman that would love this

You just have to find or not the right path
to her heart.

Thought that path may be broken.

Then go on another quest. There really is no other way.

reply to post by nixie_nox


What a bunch of wishy washy mealy mouthed crap.

First you tell him to accept that getting cheated on is realistic and okay and then tell him to turn his relationship into a prison camp. Talk about mixed messages.

Second he doesn't have any real proof she even cheated on him. The only thing she has done wrong to the best of our knowledge is maintain a friendship despite his objections. Granted his objections for that are reasonable and her willingness to hide it aren't it gives him no reason or right to rummage through her personal space ever.

It is this simple you get to pick one person to add to your family. And that is just what you are doing when you marry, adding a person whole and complete to your family. If you cannot love them as unconditionally as you would a member of your family you have no business even considering marrying them. If you are the type of person that can just expel a member of your family you have no business getting married at all.