posted on Feb, 6 2014 @ 05:44 PM
Girls are an intersting creature. He's my problem / dilema..etc.
I met the girl of my dreams. She's amazing, and everything i could ever want. She was scared to get involved, due to her own insecurities, even
though she knew i was "the one." She led me along for a long time, unable to "jump in," which she did.
She had a friend that was close to her, in which she hooked up with twice (before me) but only wanted to be friends, she claimed. When i came into the
picture, he started showering her in gifts, love notes, trying to get her to be with him and not me, texts, etc. At first, i addressed it, advised her
to take care of it on her own. She promised she would...over and over again. I was patient up until it (again) continued to happen.
I've been very good about my gut instincts, i've almost never been wrong with them. I'm 28, i've been married, i understand quite a bit. Where i
drew the line was when she lied to me about hanging out with him at the beach. I called her out on it, in which she tried to cover it up, and
eventually, then, admitted it.
Long story short. I've searched her phone, and found messages. love notes. texts. all from him to her, and the biggest problem is she allowed it to
happen. She didnt really acknowledge it however OPENLY entertained it. I broke up with her twice because of that..she even chose her friendship with
him over me, in an act of defiance.
The real problem is this. She took care of it, wrote the guy off. And things have been fine. That was six-seven months ago. The lying portion of it,
the months of deception, the constant reassurance that it would be resolved, only to find out it wasnt...honestly, ATS, messed me up. I've never been
insecure. And now? Totally insecure. Almost 30 years old and left destroyed by a girl, and finding it hard to pick up the pieces. Anytime that i blame
that situation as the reason for my doubts or any present aprehensiveness or fears, its immediately thrown back in my face. Has it been long enough?
Its like she knows...but avoids it. Maybe because of guilt.
She's a sweet girl, loving, wants to be with me, get married...etc. However, like most girls (no offense ladies of ATS!) she's very proud,
agressive, bullheaded, and when we fight or argue, i have no grounds. I cannot use her attitude as a reason to react. I cannot stand my ground because
i'm always wrong, or have no evidence, or am misunderstanding...(but somehow i'm the greatest thing ever?) how can someone ALWAYS be wrong? I'm
pretty hard on myself...but there's times where its just, enough is enough. And when that's the case...it just seems like it leads to short
The question is, is this:
Do i just suck it up? Toughen up and deal? Trust is such a hard thing...and i feel bad that it's taken so long for me to even make a little progress.
I fell head over heals for this girl. Like, fairytale status. But the hurt and the rippled effect of it just caused the "fairytale" to diminish.
What are your thoughts? I just want to feel better in my feelings, ya know? That i'm not crazier than the average.
Am i wrong? Am i weak? Am i flawed? Am i stuck? Again, love isnt an issue, on either part. But the hurt remains. The distrust remains. Believe me, i
want to be better. For both myself and for her. I strive for it.
What's a good way to restablish trust? Internally and externally?
(BTW: why do girls want a strong man, only to b*tch about wanting sensitivity. Then they get sensitivity and just b*tch about wanting strength?
Life is chaos. Love is wierd.