Sending out an SOS to the world.

So on Monday day my wife and I swapped cars. She's in my old 4X4 Toyota Pickup and I'm driving her brand new Ford Fusion. What can say other than it's a very nice car and extraordinary high tech!

So there I was, on my way home from Durango CO. traveling west-bound on 160. Kind of a typical mountain road round these parts, well maintained not to steep but there are a few tight turns, switchbacks.

It's snowing so I'm taking my time and being careful getting down the mountain and as usual, someone in one of those tricked out, lifted, near monster trucks--- just fly’s past me like I'm standing still--- in a double yellow zone no less.

Well this guy is all over the place and his lack of break lights told me he was never going to make the next turn. Fact is he didn't even try. Zoomed fifty yards straight up the side of this tall hill then in kind of slow motion like, his truck just flops over onto it's passenger side --- all four Micky T super swampers still spinning.

Now remember I'm in my wife's new super high tech, every gadget, wonder car, with the docking port for the iPhone 5s.
In this car there's no need to pick up the phone and dial I simply need to speak aloud the words.

“Call 911...”

and the car responds,

“Would you like 'Road Conditions'?

“No--- I want 'Emergency Services'!”

The phone connects with a couple of audible clicks, it rings a few times then my mother-in-law answers???

“Sorry mom...I'll call you back later and tell you what's going on, bye...”
“End Call”

the car hangs up I take a deep breath and try again.

“Call Police!”
the cars computer mulls over my request, searches threw the music files stored in my phone and seconds later I'm being blasted with.

“I'll send an SOS to the world- I'll Send an SOS to the world- I hope that someone gets my--- message in a bottle--- message in a bottle---”

Okay I made that last part up... In reality it played 'King of Pain'--- another great old Police classic, and very appropriate for the way I was feeling towards FoMoCo and Apple at the time.

Oh I'm sure somewhere out there is a software engineer who will give a maniacal laugh and rub their hands together while they read this post.

“Bawhahaha... Our evil plan is working better than we hoped Doctor Doom!”
---
By this time I'm down at the bottom of the hill where the accident happened. I park and thinking 'Screw this' I rip the phone out of the cradle to dial 911 the old fashioned way, by swiping my finger.

No signal

So I put it back in the dock.

One bar, I guess the car acts like an antenna booster? Voice command is a total bust but at least I can still use the touch screen.

Finally I get through to the right people.

The truck--- busted axle, tie-rod snapped off and bent frame--- The driver, drunker than a skunk and as usual not a scratch---Plus he thinks what he just did was totally 'Awesome' and wants to do it again!

Highway patrol shows up, and that issue was resolved, but alas this new car voice activation is DOA.

----

If you say to the car,
“Radio two - news station.”

The windshield wipers come on?

If you say,
“Call babysitter.”

The damn trunk opens?

Oh but it never does the same thing twice, so the next time I ask it to call the babysitter, hoping it might actually open the trunk... it'll turn on the seat warmer?

I mean WTF... the cars only two months old and it's been back to the shop three times to have them figure out what's wrong with this voice deally-o

----

Maybe I'm not using the right accent?

“O-ta-lay Vato car... Call chica momma!”

Or,

“Howdy bud... I recon y’all Ot'a call my hunny bunny.”

Maybe it's waiting for me to get down on my hands and knees and beg.

“Please oh magnificent marvelous wonder of modern engineering... May I perchance call my lovely wife. Pretty please? If your not to busy that is...”

“Launching ejector seat!”

-----

The wife and I have since traded back---Naturally, 'She' doesn't have a problem with 'Her' car---As for me?

Ah it feels so good to drop my hand over that five speed stick, ease her into first and let the clutch out slowly--- and when another driver pisses me off and a yell out a few choice words--- I don’t have to worry about my truck deploying the airbags!

----

Voice activation; You know it does sound really funny, in a sad kind of way--- Modern technology not working out as expected--- Jeez, who’d’a thunk it?--- but the truth is, one of these days this voice activation prob is going to get someone killed... if it hasn't already done so.

'Input Error--- Engaging Self Destruct!'

reply to post by HardCorps


Hahaha

Someone programmed the personality module with a sense of humor. You probably paid extra for that.

Just a thought but does this voice activation stuff have learning capabilities? Most computer voice recognition needs to be calibrated to the user first.

Or maybe the car just doesn't like you.

Most voice recognition programs are irritating.

Just about everywhere that has a call queuing system has these and even ''yes'' often gets the ''sorry I didn't understand that'' response in more than patronising tones.

Siri is equally annoying sometimes.

I wouldn't be surprised if whoever makes these things has a slightly devious nature and makes sure there are sufficient glitches for future improvements and enough to amuse themselves at the public's expense. For example being charged for waiting to talk to a machine that seems to be deliberately misunderstanding.

Nice Rant OP.

But all that hassle you just described?

EXACTLY why I drive a 1999 Buick

It still has electric seats and windows, which I hate, but none of all that other crap that is unreliable, and cost an arm and a leg to fix when it does go out.

My brother gets frustated with his new phone. he was talking to us at the table over coffee last time he was here and his phone started to beep and it had done a search for something he had said...the voice activation was off and somehow had activated itself. That is strange, is someone listening in? do these contraptions send communications when they are off to some NSA computer?

I don't trust these things. His GPS sent us the wrong way one day, we realized we were heading west when we were supposed to be heading east. Even we could sense we were heading the wrong direction, how come the GPS couldn't sense that. Ten miles we went the wrong direction till we figured both our senses were right and the GPS was turned off.

Crappy stupid idiotic technology. I can't wait till all those automatic breaking systems get used on icy roads. Of course, when calling 911, you got to face the music.

S&F

reply to post by Bassago

We have had all the bells and Whistles like Voice activation for years, and it is not much better now than a few years ago. My partner and I have it work right about 70% of the time. It can be annoying at times.

This is a HUGE draw back for XBoxone too....LOL I have Wii U and PS4 and one of my friends has XB1 LMAO, it does the stupidest things out of nowhere because it thinks it hears something it doesn't...even when you are watching TV...Watch this....
www.youtube.com...

LMAO

It is even more frustrating during GAMEPLAY.....Stupid Microsoft.

reply to post by HardCorps


Your car was infected with Malware. Some hacker kid probably having some fun with you.

Actually I have no idea, but that was indeed a funny rant. But with all it's hi-techness I guess I wouldn't be surprised if cars are soon hacked. (or already are)

S&F

p.s. every time I see someone who drives a "monster" truck, as my son calls them, I always imagine the person you described.

SnF for the rant and the laugh. I have the same problem.

I have learned to use my "oriental accent" when asking to call my workplace. Works every time!

reply to post by HardCorps


I was rolling when you said that you would call the old fashioned way and you swiped your finger. Swiping the finger across a surface is now old fashioned?

Hell, now I feel old. I still remember these days.


I guess technically I was still swiping my my finger across a surface though wasn't I?

I'll still take a nicely maitained older model over any of the new fangled stuff these days. I can work on the older vehicles, but with all the wiring, computer modules, vacuum hoses and what have you on the newer vehicles you have to take it to a garage.

reply to post by TDawgRex


Huh....old? We still have two of those old phones in use and another two in reserve. I even supplied my daughter with one, they are more reliable than any new phone. Now I am beginning to feel ancient.

reply to post by HardCorps


Nice rant,S/F.

I can only imagine the hell you went through when you finally did connect... nine one one ? Oh God !

I lived in your area for years , and had a bumper sticker which said, ' I Drive To Survive ( highway ) 145 '.

People are going to do stupid things , and technology is no antidote...

You tried , that's the important thing. IMO

Dude, I came to the same conclusion when I could no longer buy a car with manual roll up windows. Fixem? Spend a couple of bucks and fix it myself. Now I gotta get to the shop and pay hundreds.

Reminds me of line in an old song by Pete Seeger(bless his just departed heart). The song was titled "Adam the Inventor"
The line I recall the best goes, " Adam, brilliant Adam, so brilliant your made blind. Inventing some new kind of world, with no place for mankind."

PS. Brilliant rant

reply to post by HardCorps


My voice recognition is useless, too. That is, it always works when I don't need it to, such as sitting on the sofa. But if I'm driving? Nada

Me: "Call [deleted at poster's request]
Phone: "There are multiple options. Which [deleted at poster's request]?"

Me: "Call [deleted at poster's request]"
Phone: There are multiple options. Which Marie's Rent a B****?"

I am not making this up. Stupid phone.

reply to post by TDawgRex


These rotary phones are still fabulous, especially if you live out in the middle of nowhere and barely get a signal on your cell phone (or none at all), or if there's electrical (lightning), or satellite interference. They also work when then power goes out in your house, especially useful when you need to call the local power company to get your power turned back on, or call for help in any situation.

reply to post by Bassago


I'm tell ya...
That car hates me...

reply to post by theabsolutetruth


Did you ever see the 1983 American horror film "Christen"
I'm starting to think Ford is somehow channeling Steven King?

chiefsmom
Nice Rant OP.

But all that hassle you just described?

EXACTLY why I drive a 1999 Buick

My 1999 4runner has none of that crap either...
ya know I put over 200k miles on her with no major probs.
Back in Oct I put in a new 5VZ-FE v6
so I guess I'm good for another 200k

Haven't you figured it out yet?

Your wife's car doesn't like you.

(Oh, I see you figured that out.)

reply to post by TDawgRex


If I was a single man that yeah, I'd still have an old fashioned phone,
but no, I'm married with two daughters and they just have to have the latest tablets and phones.

Of course I could just say no, but arguing with the car comes in as a pale second to arguing esp when the ladies gang up on you

DrumStickNinja
reply to post by HardCorps

 

every time I see someone who drives a "monster" truck, as my son calls them, I always imagine the person you described.

High raise/Monster trucks and mountains don't mix.

They work fine in places like Kansas where it's nice and flat but here in CO where most of the state is mountainous the high center of gravity makes them rather tippy... drinking and driving never go well together no mater what they drive