Rodinus needs help please for Valentines offering...

Greetings ladies and gentlemen...

As most of you already know, what you are about to read below most not be taken seriously...

This is actually something I have already spoken about in the coffee thread and thought that maybe I should share this/these question (s) with other members out there in our big ATS world...

I have 2 serious predicaments here but I think I have found the solution to predicament N° 1 (please suggest otherwise) :

What to offer to my beloved second half for Valentines day...

I have decided for once to offer her something very special : Dishwasher liquid and rubber Mobalpa gloves... (As much cheaper than my last offerings...)

The reason being that everytime I offer something romantic like a hoover, iron or Karcher for cleaning the car she always complains... (I think it has something to do with the price?)

However, problem N° 2 is more difficult :

Mrs R has managed to snap off the massive solid stainless steel round hook with her teeth attaching the chain leading from the cooker to her ankle shackles...

Bit of a predicament here as I have had to superglue her to the cooker (I hate having to do this as it the cyanoacrylate compound in the glue tends to stain the supposedly "stainless steel" on the cooker...)

Any suggestions, or could someone pop over here to France to help me in holding her down whilst I spot weld the hook back on again? (Wine will be provided for free)

Maybe I should just purchase a new cooker and ankle shackles for her?

Extra info :

I actually got one of those new fangled sports cams for Christmas... (you know, the thing that you fit on your mountain bike when careering out of control down a rocky slope whilst slamming into a red brick wall that jumps out of nowhere all of the sudden...?)

When I am in the ER room on the 14th I will film everything and post it (if i can fit the blummin thing on the end of one of my legs... ain't going to be easy covered in plaster casts...

Serilously though... ladies and gents, what would you suggest that I offer my loved one for a change...

I thought about this :



This thread is for good old fashioned fun only... PLEASE STICK TO T and Cs in order to respect our loved ones...

Kindest respects

Rodinus

She sounds ungrateful.

Is she still under warrantee?

Qumulys
She sounds ungrateful.

Is she still under warrantee?

edit on 3-2-2014 by Qumulys because: (no reason given)

The thing is... I did not look at the small print when I obtained her...

It appears that she is second hand and the warranty "strangely" expired 15 years to the day after I aquired her...

Bring it on ladies... this thread is not just for us blokes...

Kindest respects

Rodinus

reply to post by Rodinus


I hear irons are actually very popular, and that comes from a very reliable source.
As long as they come with an extractor kit, there should be no problems for you and your loved one.

And good luck!

B x

You could go all sappy then I guess and get her a picture of yourself? Ladies love admiring their better's I hear.

I suppose if she is so fussy perhaps she is bored with the home duties? You could humour her I guess and fix her up with a job bagging groceries in the afternoons before she has to cook the dinner. Bonus cash for you at the pub as well, win win no?


Edit (I keep looking over my shoulder expecting a handbag slapped upside my head, even though I'm single!)

beansidhe
reply to post by Rodinus

 

I hear irons are actually very popular, and that comes from a very reliable source.
As long as they come with an extractor kit, there should be no problems for you and your loved one.

And good luck!

B x

Thank you sincerely for your suggestion Beany...

What type of Irons are you suggesting... the ones that I that i have already suggested that she uses to take out the creases on my shirts or the ones that I should use to keep her chained to the cooker, washing machine, ironing board etc...?

Funnily enough... the other day we were in the bus on the way into town and the bus started to career out of control.... everyone was panicking and Mrs R cried out that before she went she wanted to feel like a REAL woman and be appreciated...

Hence...I took off my shirt and suggested that she ironed it... she did not appreciate my gesture... and told me to go forth and multiply... I still don't know why?

Kindest respects

Rodinus

reply to post by Rodinus


You've already given her a stainless steel cooker and she wants more?

I think you are spoiling her. She does get to eat and enjoy your affections, does she not?

Under the circumstances, I would suggest (as a gift) something soft and to avoid anything resembling a rolling pin.

Regards,

reply to post by Rodinus


Hmm, women can be weird that way.
What about a new tattoo? Or update her Ramones collection from vinyl to CD? That would certainly win over my heart!

Sometimes, Rodinus, women can be too damn fussy, and you should probably just remind her how grateful she should be to have..you.


Again, good luck with that.

B x

Qumulys
You could go all sappy then I guess and get her a picture of yourself? Ladies love admiring their better's I hear.

I suppose if she is so fussy perhaps she is bored with the home duties? You could humour her I guess and fix her up with a job bagging groceries in the afternoons before she has to cook the dinner. Bonus cash for you at the pub as well, win win no?


Edit (I keep looking over my shoulder expecting a handbag slapped upside my head, even though I'm single!)

edit on 3-2-2014 by Qumulys because: Got scared for my life

Keep looking, Qumulys, I can probably find you.


Lol! B x

Have you thought of a classic car? Obviously you'd need to drive her about in it and everything. Nothing says romance like tinkering, polishing and petrolium fumes.

reply to post by Rodinus


I know everyone prefers the iron shackles, but you really should look into the kevlar/carbon fiber weaves they have these days. I have found that they are much less clunky and cause less bruising. And these days they can be obtained with a higher tensile strength than iron.

Also you can get them in assorted colors as an extra, to show the misses how much you care. She can match her outfit to them.

beezzer
reply to post by Rodinus

 

You've already given her a stainless steel cooker and she wants more?

I think you are spoiling her. She does get to eat and enjoy your affections, does she not?

Under the circumstances, I would suggest (as a gift) something soft and to avoid anything resembling a rolling pin.

Regards,

The first thing that came into to mind was prctically the same thing you say Beez... she wants more...

Each year for the past 15 years that I have honoured her with my simple presence of just "being there"... you know what I mean... after a hard days work slogging your guts out you come home... flop out on the sofa... you "suggest" that she brings you the remote control and a cool beer before "It starts"... AND to make matters worse... your shirt for the next day is not even ironed...

You then wait 10 minutes before "It" starts before she brings you another beer and then when you ask politely "where is my beer woman?) for her to bring the 3rd beer she starts to complain...

It has started....

Kindest respects

Rodinus

reply to post by beansidhe


Sorry about that... my errr, nephew was on the computer and wrote those horribly sexist remarks. When will he ever learn to be a gentleman? *shakes head in disgust*


Ok. Be a real man and give her this tip from a stain removing/household tip genius Shannon Lush:
Apparently you put a teaspoon of lavender oil in a litre of water in a spray bottle, spray a fine mist over the clothes and by the time you walk out the door the clothes are creaseless. (well after about 5 minutes, it loosens the crisp fabric bonds and lets them relax naturally. No more ironing :O )

Although it may backfire with more 'we never talk' time. urgh. :-/

reply to post by Qumulys


I can see quite clearly through your window, Qumulys, and you appear to be alone.

You're lucky as I've got some rabbit-boiling to do today, so I'll take your word for it that he just 'nipped out', and we'll call it quits.

reply to post by beansidhe


Ha jokes on you, I'm single hence my windows are far too grotty to be seen through! *phew, was worried for a second then!*

I remember an old episode of two and a half men....
You should skip anything that is heavy and/or has sharp edges or pointy thingies.
When the "gift" is not accepted or fulfilling you are not in danger when it is thrown to you.

So I would skip the iron.
Soap and gloves are ok I assume

IDK reminded me of this lol Cartman hahahahaha now go knit me a sweater

Qumulys...

You nephew is so wicked... he should be ashamed???

Do you not have a much simpler solution such as "suggesting to your second half that she peels a potato and rubs the starch into the creases before ironing... "Natural starch"...

You should offer her a steam ironing station for valentines day...

My god man... you are being trampled all over... shock horror...

Kindest respects

Rodinus

SORRY I BUGGERED UP THE EDIT...

The Missus needs to remember she's a member of the W.O.M.E.N group which means
Worship
Our
Males
Every
Need

And a second thing, get a longer chain as how is she supposed to bring you a cold beer when she can't get out of the kitchen?

reply to post by Maxatoria


Thats what Rodinus needs a trained dog for, just tie a hand towel around the fridge so the hound can open the fridge and bring him a beer whilst also sleep in front of said fridge guarding his beer from others taking it whilst passed out its really a win win