Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

reply to post by wildtimes


Thank you, friend!
I too must go and lay down for a bit, I'm hunched over my laptop like Gollum with his 'precious', lol.
Will check in later!
jacygirl

reply to post by wildtimes

post by jacygirl

I also think it's important to understand that we aren't always going to agree on every topic

Boy that always bothers me too, like if I really like a poster and they get angry with me over a post I have made,

I always worry am I going to offend someone, well, probably
lol

reply to post by Stormdancer777

Boy that always bothers me too, like if I really like a poster and they get angry with me over a post I have made,

I always worry am I going to offend someone, well, probably
lol

Yep. Me, too. lol

I'm glad you and I sorted it out!

wildtimes
reply to post by Stormdancer777

 

Boy that always bothers me too, like if I really like a poster and they get angry with me over a post I have made,

I always worry am I going to offend someone, well, probably
lol

Yep. Me, too. lol

I'm glad you and I sorted it out!

edit on 1/31/14 by wildtimes because: (no reason given)

Me too and text can be so decieving, one can read into it something not entended.

But I can be a tease and a stinker at times,

I think it's best to differentiate between two things yet again, haha!

When I say "turn it off" I'm referring to something in the moment. It can potentially wear on me just as much to be at either extreme, turned off completely, or turned on completely. This depends how off my center I've been recently. It's a never-ending balancing out that I don't believe will ever be perfected.

I choose to fall in order to experience the parasitic world to learn, else to take control of whatever needs be done. Only rarely do I go dark for personal gain, and it's always something rather petty.

What I can't turn off is having a guilty conscience after the fact. It'll eat me alive and keep me up for hours on end tossing in bed. I have to physically and emotionally exhaust myself to get more than 5-6 hours of sleep. Most nights it's between 3-5.

This could be as simple as feeling the need to call someone out in a thread right here on ATS. I'll go over the situation over and over in my mind, imagining what brought them to their perspective, how I acted, how I could have acted, and what.. if any good it did anyone else, compared to what harm.

I go over things that seem very insignificant to most people, and have been so extreme that it lingers on for ... a long time. What helps is replacing the gray area actions with positive ones. I try to be productive to get myself out of ruts these days, instead of just lingering through a depressive state.

Hey, just a random addition here:

I am currently enjoying watching back-to-back episodes of "Leverage", and thought of this thread, and some of the members participating.....


One of my favorite shows EVER!!

If anyone gets why I thought it was pertinent, please let me know. I have a definite point about it (related to 'empathy' and morality), just wondering if anyone else would appreciate the irony.

reply to post by wildtimes


Darn I never watch the show.

reply to post by webedoomed


Hey webedoomed,
I actually 'get' what you're saying!
The guilty conscience thing...yes. I wasn't always as aware as I am now. I agonize over things that happened years ago, that I can't change. I also have questioned myself internally like a drill sergent, to make sure that my motives aren't ever selfish....and if they were in the past...then I feel guilty for that.
You sound like someone who is constantly thinking, and I do that too. I call myself an 'over-thinker', so meditating is quite a challenge, lol.

jacygirl

Sometimes when I read your posts, I wonder if you are a 'Gemini', or a 'lawyer', or a member on a debating team, lol.
But you DO make me think!

reply to post by wildtimes


Love that show, totally get it

reply to post by jacygirl

after a while you form an impression of the writer.
I don't really start threads here, but I do actively respond to others. I was pretty sure that no one paid any attention to me, lol

Same here. I "chime in" better than I host. Thanks for that honest reply, I can tell you are a real person and not someone who trolls around just to get a rise out of people.

reply to post by wildtimes



they also sound like the characteristics of a serial killer.....

i don't think Empathy is a straight up good thing..... like all things it has a darker side....

Thanks for the conversation here everyone. I have been feeling elevated by it all day. I thought when I read the thread title I would meet honest feeling people and I have.

Now don't be afraid to tune me up elsewhere if I get a bit unfeeling. Thats the side I need help with.

(probably going to regret that, lol)

regards,

intrptr

jacygirl

Advantage!

Hi! Sorry about my 'alien' comment! I just saw your post above mine, and had to edit! Of course I did, hahaha...
Anyways, thank you for chiming in with your perspective. No judgement here...different isn't wrong...it's just different.
I guess the only person whose place I can't empathize with...would be a person with no empathy....? Hmmmm....I wonder if early-childhood experiences have anything to do with creating empaths....? Something to ponder, maybe?

edit on 30-1-2014 by jacygirl because: to make an empathic remark...cuz I'm an empath, lol

Actually, I think it's the opposite; childhood experiences is what causes people NOT to be empathetic towards others.

I have a detailed thread up about this (Advantage responded there too), and why some people don't feel empathy, etc., but I won't link it here so I don't derail Wildtimes' thread.

If anyone wants to read it, U2U me, and I'll give you the link.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wildtimes, very good thread, with an awesome message!! S&F (of course!)

I haven't read all the way through yet, but I'm doing so now. I had to respond to Jacygirl's post. LOL

I've been an empath all my life too. I'm like you and the other member who posted about blushing, crying, etc. when she watches t.v.

I can pick up on the feelings of others easily, and sometimes even read their thoughts.
Like Jacygirl, I have been this way all my life, and I can't imagine not feeling empathy for others.

dsp1993
I posted to FB that being empathetic is not always a good thing. I can literally feel the pain of other people, or the anger. I can immediately sense when something is wrong, or someone doesn't like me. My brother lost his 15 year old daughter when hit by a truck when on vacation. It is so difficult to be around him and his wife. My chest feels so heavy and I can ''t breath.

I've felt this too. I have a co-worker that lost a son at the age of 25. He had just had a son of his own when he was diagnosed with cancer.
I felt the pain and heartache of watching this father suffer everyday... the heartbreak of losing him a year later.

He died 5 years ago, and still today, I can feel the loss and heartache in this man's life. Sometimes it is so strong, I just have to get away from him. I've actually gone back to my station and cried. It gets overwhelming at times.

reply to post by wildtimes


Very interesting thread. I did not know empathy could be taught. I always thought it came naturally unless you had issues like a sociopath. That explains a lot.

I always thought it was a curse in a sense. Why couldn't I be like others who could watch and enjoy abuse or a beating of a weaker person. My life was plagued by alcohol and drugs due mostly to having to much empathy. Thank God I am finally able to understand that who I am is a blessing. I still can't bear to watch people suffer, I become emotional when hearing tragic news or watching a powerful moment played out in tv/movies. These days I embrace it. I actually feel bad for people who can live in a primal state of mind while enjoying the comforts of modern society. I often wonder if I would make it in a world without order. My own pain and suffering doesn't concern me as much as what I would have to witness.

Game of Thrones:
Is there a Beast in every man? That stirs when you put a sword in his hand? Im not sure but I do love that show. lol Daenerys Targaryen owns two of those moments that give me goosebumps and brings out said emotions.

Unfortunately empathy is dead in America. Just ride a city bus and see who gets up to give their seat for the 80 year old women....

darkbake

wildtimes
Empathy is not just a way to extend the boundaries of your moral universe. According to new research, it’s a habit we can cultivate to improve the quality of our own lives.

That is the part that the conservatives are missing. That is why I am not scared of things like helping the poor. I know that anything I do that increases my empathy also increases the quality of my life. I didn't always used to understand this and I certainly run into danger of falling back into "lazy" but less quality days.

Trust me, though, if someone is prodding you and forcing you to be empathetic, that means your life is about to improve

edit on 30pmThu, 30 Jan 2014 18:16:33 -0600kbpmkAmerica/Chicago by darkbake because: (no reason given)

One of the problems is how do you define poor: Some are easy; someone became disabled due to fighting in the army, an industrial accident, or lost relatives. When it becomes self-inflicted from drug addiction, alcoholism and the lack of life skills leads to homelessness (they kept their families and neighbors awake until 5am in the morning with loud music or arguments).

One problem in the USA, that Conservatives know about, is that if you start giving out "Free Stuff" in one city or suburb, that ends up attracting people from all across the country, state or city. What money you do allocate to help your local poor, then has to be shared between a greater number of people.

reply to post by Xtrozero

Unfortunately empathy is dead in America. Just ride a city bus and see who gets up to give their seat for the 80 year old women....

Well, obviously it isn't dead, or this topic wouldn't be getting any traffic at all. And the old lady on the bus not being given a seat is a good point. I remember being taught as a kid that you give up your seat for a woman; especially an old woman.
Out of respect. Manners and common courtesy.

Perhaps there's a link - where no manners are taught, less empathy is 'learned' or 'demonstrated.' Please; thank you; excuse me; all so simply - and automatic for me. But I was trained to it as a little kid. People where i live (the Midwest) still hold doors open for each other, SOME allow women to go ahead of them, or elders (I do) - and I do see it dwindling in other areas of the city.

Just plain rude. And certainly lacking in empathy! But, it's not "dead" in America - not yet. And if we keep teaching manners to our kids, and sharing, and helping (which come naturally, as evidenced by the experiments with babies/very small children), and setting an example - we can keep it alive.

I understand what the above member (NotSoAnonymous) said about self-medicating to kill the pain; it's exhausting! And webedoomed talked about losing sleep mulling over even interactions on ATS!! That happens to me, too, from time to time - in fact just this morning as I was waking up!!



This is truly an extraordinary website - such interesting people and thoughts (well, at least those who hang around and participate in meaningful topics).

I just got here, coffee in hand, and need to get caught up, lol.

intrptr: Thank you! Yes, I am a real person...here to learn, question, and make friends with like-minded souls.

Disclosure Agent: Don't you agree that ANY personality traits can be used in a negative way, if that is the intent? I believe we should always 'use our power for good'!

sled735: A different perspective....I will definitely check out the other thread! We need to understand each other, and I am a big believer that our early childhood experiences play a big role in 'who' we grow up to be.
I also feel another person's pain, physical or emotional. After spending a fair amount of time with someone in such a state....I usually have to limp home, weak and exhausted...and then distract my mind on the computer, or in a movie. (I have to stop putting so much focus on the other person or I will literally make myself sick.)

MOMof3: Hello! Personally, I believe that both love/hate are taught (or learned...not quite the same). People CAN change. Just one example would be previous KKK members who have left the lifestyle behind, and are sorry for the pain they caused. (I've read some interviews, seen some documentaries...no links though, sorry...not enough coffee, lol).

NotSoAnonymous: Numbing the pain is sadly how some many empaths cope with all the suffering. I'm like you, in that I would much prefer that I suffer than anyone else (especially my kids!).
Game of Thrones fan, huh? Me too, lol. I think the beast may be in every man, but you can choose not to allow it to take control. Daenerys is my favourite character because she believes that no-one should be a slave...she is smart, strong AND caring! (and she has dragons!!)

wildtimes: I was also taught manners....taught them to my kids! I will give up my seat, hold a door...like you said, it's automatic to me.
I also try not to ever post anything on here that I will regret, and sometimes will delete a post for fear of offending anyone.

Whew! Need to stumble back into the kitchen for more coffee now!
jacygirl