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Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

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posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 07:21 AM
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reply to post by wildtimes
 



TY, there was no attack on my part, just curious.




posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 07:26 AM
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Biigs
im very emphatic.


Unfortunately i use my powers to get what i want and to tease others for my amusement, im not a very nice person if im truly honest, people who cross me tend not to fair to well.

But its all empathy at the end of the day and im one of those that can read a mind instantly, but i usually abuse it.


LOL. are you serious?



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 07:30 AM
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When I was young I think I was pretty clueless, then I went through a lot of pain and suffering, and it seemed to raise my level of compassion to the point it was painful.

Now that I am old I am running out of steam, seem to be lulling into a comfort zone where I need to protect myself after years of nurturing others, does that make sense?

I'll prolly eat these words later, lol

Here's the thing people come to me for advice and a shoulder to cry on, I try to be helpful, then they continue to make the same mistakes, then they come to me again and again, then I stop and just listen, somehow I eventually become the one they take their frustrations out on, I'm burnt out.

Do you ever notice you are always comforting but never comforted?

Sorry been a little bitter lately, tired of getting my heart broken.


edit on 073131p://bFriday2014 by Stormdancer777 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 07:35 AM
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reply to post by Advantage
 


The elitism you refer to is agenda based and becomes a weapon of guilt used on those who dare to disagree. It's part of pushing the victim mentality whereby if you disagree you are accused of callousness or worse. That's why Sandy Hook was so successful in terms of generating support for gun control - if you disagreed that was equated with not caring for the lives of children and a lack of empathy for the grieving parents. It's very powerful and quite pernicious. After 9/11 the same was equated with a lack of patriotism and allowed the Bush administration to invade Iraq. It is also the cornerstone of Socialist philosophy that demands one give up their own desires and dreams to a large degree for the betterment of humanity at large. It is a very dangerous weapon indeed: Social justice, Cap and trade, Agenda 21 - all extensions of the same. Those who still dream we live under a Republic need to open their eyes to the tools used to destroy it.



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 07:38 AM
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I know one of those animal empathic types. Lives in the area a few door down. She's a pain, accusative, judgmental, knows what's best for everyone's animals, doesn't mind coming on your property when you are not home to inspect your livestock and worse.



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 07:41 AM
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reply to post by Asktheanimals
 


The first time I heard the word was when I was involved in the New Age Movement many years ago.

I was attracted to it because so much of it was love based and there is still a lot I learned from it, however in the end I was disappointed when I found they didn't practice what they preached either.

And on another forum it seemed I got picked on the most by New Agers,There was this chat room called spiritual insights, these guys were hilarious because they didn't take themselves to seriously.

oops how did that happen?
edit on 073131p://bFriday2014 by Stormdancer777 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 07:47 AM
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edit on 073131p://bFriday2014 by Stormdancer777 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 07:52 AM
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Advantage
This whole "feeling empathy" seems to be turning into a little club of those enlightened folk who can look down on those who arent like them.. particularly those dastardly conservatives. Too bad. I was expecting a real conversation on this subject.


You know what, Advantage? I have addressed you twice in this thread, thanking you for your honesty and contribution...and you have completely ignored me. I thought we were all having a 'real conversation on this subject'.

jimmyx: Hi, and yes you are right! I have been badly abused in the past by people that I cared about. It seems that some predator-type personalities can smell an empath from a mile away! I'm much more cautious about who I let into my life these days!

Stormdancer777: I completely relate to what you wrote! I have always been there for everybody else, but no one is ever there for me. In fact they seem to resent me being 'needy' in any way, because apparently I am only here to help them. (lol)

Being an empath is more than just feeling another person's feelings. It is also an understanding of why they are the way they are...and how they got that way. It's deep thinking really. You don't just look at someone and make a quick judgement call...you spend time trying to figure out where they're coming from.

jacygirl



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 07:55 AM
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reply to post by Stormdancer777
 



Now that I am old I am running out of steam, seem to be lulling into a comfort zone where I need to protect myself after years of nurturing others, does that make sense?


Yes. It does. I'm tired, too.



For example, I'm struggling right here in this thread to imagine what it's like to NOT feel for others, to understand why some members got upset or "pffft"ed the idea or feel insulted or offended...

projectbane says empathy is 'overrated' and is "a propaganda tool" - which is not true (saying so is, however, propaganda.)

It's clear to me that we are born inclined one way or the other - from the time we are very small - spend a couple of days at a preschool or 'daycare' facility with the 18-24 months old kids - watch how they interact with each other.

Just did a google to find some of the video experiments I've seen -

several are embedded and a couple of papers are linked in the article below:
www.theguardian.com...

The moral life of babies
Research with very young babies suggests that the roots of compassion, empathy and moral reasoning might be in place from birth.

...

For instance, babies seem to empathize with the distress of others - crying in response to the cries of other babies and stroking or offering toys to those who seem to be upset. Babies also spontaneously help strangers who are struggling. When experimenters acted out a range of troublesome scenarios such as trying to open a cupboard with their hands full or straining to reach a dropped peg - 1-year-olds came rushing to their assistance, sometimes traversing extensive obstacles to do so. And it's not just that babies happen to like picking up dropped pegs. If the experimenter was straining to reach a peg that they had deliberately thrown down, rather than accidentally dropped, babies didn’t come to their rescue.

These findings suggest that young children may have natural inclinations to assess the intentions of those around them and to help them achieve their goals when they seem to be struggling. The experimenters were unfamiliar to the babies yet they tried to help them spontaneously and without any encouragement from their parents or any reward. If you watch the linked videos above, you’ll note the experimenter doesn’t even thank them.

The authors of these studies interpret this behaviour as evidence that the rudiments of empathy, compassion and altruism may already be in place much earlier than expected, perhaps even from birth. But simply feeling for someone’s anguish isn’t necessarily as sophisticated as reasoning about good and bad.



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 08:40 AM
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reply to post by Stormdancer777
 


Yes.

I thought i would be honest here and tell the dark truth to show the other side to this phenomenon



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 08:47 AM
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reply to post by jacygirl
 



You know what, Advantage? I have addressed you twice in this thread, thanking you for your honesty and contribution...and you have completely ignored me. I thought we were all having a 'real conversation on this subject'.


Some people quit posting last night - and probably went to bed...

:-)

Just sayin'



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 08:48 AM
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reply to post by Biigs
 



I thought i would be honest here and tell the dark truth to show the other side to this phenomenon


I understood what you meant, but I too was unsure if you were being serious.

It is true that some people use the trait to exploit others. Some don't.
One can also learn to pretend to care so craftily that their 'victims' can't tell the difference (as witnessed by several in this thread already).

So, are you 'okay' with being that way?
I'm honestly curious. Fascinated by the whole thing...
I get stuck sometimes figuring out how people think/act, to the point of wanting to say:

"what were you thinking?"

or

"how could you do that?"

And not in a 'self-righteous' "superior", "elitist" way - (and I do resent that anyone has suggested in the thread when it was the farthest thing from my mind; empathy is NOT Agenda 21, nor is it a socialist/commie scheme).

I truly, really, do not get it. But I'll try, if you'd like to explain it.



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 08:59 AM
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I think it's best we qualify our terms, because there's obviously some confusion going on.

Empathy is not one cognitive function, there are two branches that we know of so far, and they have neurological correlates.

There is cognitive empathy, and affective empathy.

Some are focusing on one, and others seem to be bunching them into one.

A primary psychopath has neither. An autistic has affective empathy, but no cognitive empathy.

There is a wiring from the left vmPFC to the left amygdala that is missing in autistics.

In psychopaths, both the left and right wirings between these regions is missing.

Narcissists, and sociopaths have abnormalities in this wiring, but it seems to depend on each individual case.

The strength or lack of wiring is a result of structure and function of both these brain areas.

If they are both of healthy shape and size, there tends to be proper function, and a strong connection between the two.


edit on 31-1-2014 by webedoomed because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 09:08 AM
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Spiramirabilis
reply to post by jacygirl
 



You know what, Advantage? I have addressed you twice in this thread, thanking you for your honesty and contribution...and you have completely ignored me. I thought we were all having a 'real conversation on this subject'.


Some people quit posting last night - and probably went to bed...

:-)

Just sayin'


Hey Spiramirabilis! I know what you're 'just sayin', lol...but this member posted after I addressed him/her, so....?

I'm wondering if anyone here believes that early childhood experiences lead to being overly empathic...or overly NON-empathic?
The non-empaths that I have known, many suffered through abusive/dysfunctional childhoods...so did many empaths. I'm thinking that perhaps BOTH are coping mechanisms, from a time when we had no control over our environment/parents?
Do some people think, "I will never be victimized/hurt again!" and lose (or stifle) that empath-ability....whereas others perhaps try to figure out why? and where? the parents/caregivers are coming from?
Theories, just theories. Anyone have an opinion?

As a young (and only child)...I learned to 'walk on eggshells' before I was 5. I have learned how to 'keep the peace', which some could consider a form of manipulation, but I believe it was a survival skill.
jacygirl



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 09:12 AM
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reply to post by webedoomed
 


I tried to tackle your question to me about "empathy" vs "sympathy" - and looked around for sources. As you say, it is kind of hard to differentiate between the two. Much depends on culture, also.

For example, the Spanish term for "nice, agreeable, friendly, cooperative" is simpatico.
Defined as:

Definition of SIMPATICO

1
: agreeable, likable
2
: being on the same wavelength : congenial, sympathetic
Origin of SIMPATICO

Italian simpatico & Spanish simpático, ultimately from Latin sympathia sympathy
First Known Use: 1864


When we use "sympathetic", however, it's not in that same vein - it means more to 'feel sorry' for someone, or give them 'some silver lining' that may come out of their troubles.

Empathy is a deeper understanding. I can sit on a train and listen to someone's life and their troubles, and I imagine myself BEING in that situation....like watching a movie and becoming totally 'absorbed' in the characters' feelings. Someone else may just roll their eyes and listen politely and simply not care.

A recent example was the difference between my reaction and my husband's reaction when we went to see "Gravity." I'd seen it already with my son, and had been exhausted by it - crying, shaking, very much impacted by the desperate situation. The guys? Not so much. They thought it was a cool movie as far as the fx and action, but didn't quite "dig in as deeply" as I had to - I was Ryan Stone, I felt her fear and pain and frustration and relief. That was empathy.

My very anti-social neighbors are awful to their kids, loud, foul-mouthed, inconsiderate, rude, and other negative qualities often found in criminal/dysfunctional unstable extended families. I can't stand the woman - but I'm still able to try to figure out what the hell happened to her to make her that way.

Do I feel sorry for her? In a way, because I see she is a product of her environment, upbringing, and past - like most of us. I can 'imagine' what her childhood must have been like - that's empathy.
Do I feel "sympathy" for her? No, she's a jerk.



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 09:16 AM
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reply to post by jacygirl
 


What we can say is that there are genetic propensitites interacting with environmental stressors. In the most extreme cases, it seems no amount of correct parenting can save someone from growing up callous and unempathic. You can mitigate the tendency for them to lash out in an anti-social way, and they can channel their tendencies into areas which are still considered prosocial, but that's a best case, rare scenario for these particularly extreme individuals.

On the other end, you get people who are essentially incapable of being transformed to the dark side and will likely be empathic no matter how much of an incorrect environment shapes their progress. They could bare witness to horrible things their entire lives, yet would sitll hold to who they are deep down, and will likely have to deal with being fooled until the day they die.

Most people, are somewhere in between. We know that the first few years are the most important for devleopment. From the day we pop out, until rougly age 2, we're in a state of primacy, needing to fulfill basic needs. This is when we either form a correct attachment to our caregivers and view the world as friendly, else adapt to the incorrect attachment, which would be solely to ourselves. If we don't progess through this stage correctly we adapt as our genetics sees best, which means to seek survival for our selves above group survival... this is attachment disorder, and the cause of things we call borderline, narcissistic, and anti-social personality disorders. There are either holes in the ability to affectively empathize, else it's non-existant.
edit on 31-1-2014 by webedoomed because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 09:20 AM
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reply to post by jacygirl
 



I'm wondering if anyone here believes that early childhood experiences lead to being overly empathic...or overly NON-empathic?

Absolutely it has an impact on the person. If altruism and empathy are rewarded, they are encouraged. If they cause one to be hurt by another, they become withdrawn.

I think. Based on my studies and experience.

See my post right above this one for an example akin to what you're suggesting - my neighbor-lady.

And her kids are turning out just like her.
Family systems. We all have one. Some suck, others are healthier.
Some people are just more 'sensitive', some more 'logical.'

As I said, we need each other - my husband is a 'logic' guy who doesn't spend much energy trying to understand people - he just responds to their actions and always tells me, "You worry too much about that stuff."

And yes, I agree, I do (it's painful/distrating) - but like I said, I have a hard time turning it off. On the other hand, I am able to help him see why others might behave the way they do.

Oh well, obviously we don't all see our co-humans that way. And that's fine. It is what it is.

People have tried for decades to teach violent perpetrators (rehabilitate them) to think about the feelings of others, the plight of others, etc. It just doesn't work on some people.

Webedoomed's post above does well to explain it 'neurbiologically'.



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 09:22 AM
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reply to post by wildtimes
 


That movie shook me up as well. I didn't cry (guys were in my presence), but was completely absorbed by it and had instances where the internal "movie" caused me to literally shake and flip out for an instance. Those instances are when I'm allowing full empathy to flow through. I just can't do it more than an instance at a time. It's just too much.

I get your point with the difference bewten empathy and sympathy. So sympathy would be more of an outward expression, while empathy is internally driven. Our desire to connect, and understand internally. We can then choose, based on how we judge the situation after empathizing, to give our external support with emotional gestures.. sympathy.

Do you get that as well? Where the empathy is like turned up to max for an instance, and you get completely overwhelmed? I just can't handle it more than an instnace, and have to dial it down or shut it off completely for a while afterwards.



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 09:23 AM
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reply to post by wildtimes
 


Well said, wildtimes!
My hubby doesn't understand how I cannot watch certain movies, because they cause me pain. We watched 'The Impossible', true story about a family on vacation that got caught up in a tsunami. The movie was SO well done, that to me...it was like a 'visual migraine'! Soooo painful to see! (hubby always raves about 'special effects'....can't fathom why I'm crumpled over sobbing).

I don't consider myself 'religious', but 'spiritual'. However, I believe that I live by the phrase "There but for the grace of God go I". I can always put myself in another person's shoes, and see life from their perspective.
I also am completely comfortable with people on every level of the socio-economic scale...from homeless to CEO. I can find common ground with everyone. (That's an attribute that I'm grateful for!)

I look at horrible things happening to another person and think, "Geez, that could be me!" where others seem to think, "That can't happen to me!"
jacygirl



posted on Jan, 31 2014 @ 09:25 AM
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reply to post by webedoomed
 


I think i was bunching them together, at first i was just capable of affective empathy but now i'm quite strong with both.

My family often get me to review people when we are out. I seem to be able to pick out the "good ones", sometimes just from watching them briefly, others i need to talk to first. Its always goes badly for me if i ignore my own advice, but it's harder to discern for myself than for others. Also does anyone purposely use empathy to change there own moods? I tend to do it most on a night out, if i'm not feeling quite up to it, i'll just tune into someone who is.

Also with what biigs was saying about abusing empathy, i can think of numerous times i've used it selfishly to manipulate someone. I tend to only do it to those who are generally selfish, otherwise i feel too guity about it.



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