Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

reply to post by wildtimes


Run it's course?!!!

This subject is inexhaustible

But of course it doesn't involve any religious or political sniping, so - yeah...

Also - how is anything your fault?

:-)

reply to post by Spiramirabilis


For allowing myself to get drawn in to a snarky interaction....
FWIW, I feel really bad now about that.

But yes, the subject IS inexhaustible. I just want us to not have 'pissing contests' with each other, and I should not have baited Aphorism, nor responded to him.

Sorry, everyone. MY BAD. (See why I'll never be a mod?)
lol

reply to post by wildtimes


Read through some of mine sometime :-)

We can't all be Gandhi - not even Gandhi could pull off a good Gandhi. Not indefinitely anyhow

And the mods ...are human

No - really - it's true

:-)

reply to post by Spiramirabilis

And the mods ...are human

No - really - it's true

Oh, I know!!!

I just don't think that in this venue I could do it. See, this is the one place I feel free to say what I think - and it pisses people off sometimes (what I think, and how I say it)....

but, as a member earlier said, I lie awake at night thinking about my interactions on here - feeling bad/good about what I've said - wondering if I've hurt someone, or offended someone - or if my posts are making any difference at all in this crazy new world.

It's hard. But I'm hooked (another symptom of empaths - we get 'hooked' on stuff).

Thanks for your encouragement.

OH come on you guys.

This is all a learning experience, and BTW read the Celestine prophecy, thats what we do we play control dramas and everyone has a role they play in that drama.

When you realize you are caught up in the drama it gets really interesting.

reply to post by wildtimes

I lie awake at night thinking about my interactions on here - feeling bad/good about what I've said - wondering if I've hurt someone, or offended someone - or if my posts are making any difference at all in this crazy new world.

That's being obsessive compulsive, I do it.

You have never said anything on this forum to warrant a sleepless night.

The Four Control Dramas from the Celestine Prophecy

The Celestine Prophecy’s 4 Control Dramas

The sixth insight states that childhood dramas block our ability to fully experience the mystical. All humans, because of their upbringing, tend toward one of the four “control dramas”: intimidators steal energy from others by threat. Interrogators steal it by judging and questioning. Aloof people attract attention (and energy) to themselves by acting reserved or withdrawing. And poor me’s make us feel guilty and responsible for them.
www.relationshipspecialists.com...
The above description from James Redfield’s book, The Celestine Prophecy defines four ways that people are in relationship with one another. All are attempts to control another’s behavior. What is this need we have to control? Why do we feel it is necessary?

We attempt to control and manipulate others because we believe that if they would change their behavior we would be happy and so would they. When people do things we don’t like, or when we’re not getting our way, we think they are wrong. Then, believing we are right and they are wrong, we think that we have the right to impose our beliefs on them. What we are attempting to do is protect our beliefs. How does this play out in a relationship?

reply to post by Stormdancer777

BTW read the Celestine prophecy

ABSOLUTELY A MUST READ!!!

*fist bump*

I read it --- god, 25 years ago? --- and have never forgotten it. It was probably one of the most influential books of my life in terms of allowing me to 'grasp' this - trait.

reply to post by Stormdancer777

All humans, because of their upbringing, tend toward one of the four “control dramas”:

intimidators steal energy from others by threat.

Interrogators steal it by judging and questioning.

Aloof people attract attention (and energy) to themselves by acting reserved or withdrawing. And

poor me’s make us feel guilty and responsible for them.

le huge sigh, le sad sigh

We all have issues, and are all flawed.
But we ALL have something to offer one another!!

You know, when I read that book (24 years ago?), I still didn't have a computer. My kids were babies; and I recall the part about if you make eye contact with someone, or they in any way cross your path, it's because they have something to offer you. I thought it was beautiful, and so true. At that time I was exporing Buddhism and Wicca. Visiting the Peruvian 'power place' has long been a bucket-list-item for me.


The internet has created EXPONENTIALLY more 'interactions' and 'crossings-of-paths' now between people.

(It reminds me of the changes in, say, Wall Street: years ago, guys shouted and waved tickets and sweated and yelled.....
now it's all electronic - happening EXPONENTIALLY (again) faster than it was - and it's tech that has made that happen.)

So, how are we to navigate now? It's bewildering, when I think about my childhood and adolescence and how different they were to today's kids' experiences.

Well, I don't know about the Celestine Prophecy, but I've always been very interested in Jungian archetypes and of course symbolism and mythology - art - in general

Wounded healer is a term created by psychologist Carl Jung. The idea states that an analyst is compelled to treat patients because the analyst himself is "wounded". The idea may have Greek mythology origins. Research has shown that 73.9% of counselors and psychotherapists have experienced one or more wounding experiences leading to career choice.

As an example, of the "wounded healer phenomenon" between an analyst and his/her analyzed:

The analyst is consciously aware of his own personal wounds. These wounds may be activated in certain situations especially if his analyzed wounds are similar to his own.[1]

The analyzed wounds affect the wounds of the analyst. The analyst either consciously or unconsciously passes this awareness back to his analyzed, causing an unconscious relationship to take place between analyst and analyzed.[2]

It's all about empathy

reply to post by Spiramirabilis


I'ma put this as a whole quote, for easier reading (sorry):

Research has shown that 73.9% of counselors and psychotherapists have experienced one or more wounding experiences leading to career choice.

As an example, of the "wounded healer phenomenon" between an analyst and his/her analyzed:

The analyst is consciously aware of his own personal wounds. These wounds may be activated in certain situations especially if his analyzed wounds are similar to his own.[1]

The analyzed wounds affect the wounds of the analyst. The analyst either consciously or unconsciously passes this awareness back to his analyzed, causing an unconscious relationship to take place between analyst and analyzed.[2]

And that is, I believe, TRUE - I know I was a wounded healer, and still am.

It's why I had to leave the profession.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN we can't, and don't, actually help.
It's the very definition of 'empath' - we get it. We've been there.
When I was practicing, I sometimes used 'self-disclosure' (some schools say that's a huge nono), and it was very effective with certain clients. But it's a tight-rope, for sure.

wildtimes
And that is, I believe, TRUE - I know I was a wounded healer, and still am.

Sorry to hear that.

The shaman is the wounded healer who learns to heal others by healing herself. I would recommend that you find a good shaman! Psychic healers have done me some good.

You a trekkie?

""Suffer the death of thy neighbor," eh, Spock? You wouldn't wish that on us, would you?"
"It might have rendered your history a bit less bloody."

- McCoy and Spock on feeling empathy for the dead Intrepid crew

reply to post by BlueMule

The shaman is the wounded healer who learns to heal others by healing herself. I would recommend that you find a good shaman!

That's right! I have known some shamen. Studied it myself.

reply to post by wildtimes


There are different types of humans in this world. Some of them choose to thrive on other people's suffering because they are miserable people who hate themselves. Unconditional love is the hardest lesson to learn. Working hard to love yourself and others. It is easy to become frustrated in this world when you feel like you have nothing to contribute to society. Even if you are shunned, you can make a difference.

Advantage people like you and people like me MUST have a symbiotic relationship. I cant do things you can, and you cant do things I can.

Well put.

I can understand what you're saying while I can't relate to it, so it's like people say...........understanding is the key for both types to get along. The first time I ever noticed the difference, was with a woman who was being investigated for child neglect. The first step towards what could have been considered child abuse. He was 12 at the time, he was only child, his name was Troy and sometimes I wonder whatever happened to him. Someone asked her if she felt it was wrong to have her child essentially raise himself. She responded by saying that her child always seemed so emotional about things that she simply couldn't understand. That divide between them caused her to neglect his most basic of needs which included love and attention, and that led to her not really paying much attention to him at all. He was left alone a lot because she felt there was something wrong with their bond so she took on extra work. He fed himself most of the time, bathed himself from an early age and he even took money that was left for him from his mother and walked to a thrift store to pick out his own clothes.

After a few times of doing that, that is when people started to question where his parents were, and that's what started the investigation. She started everything off by saying that she didn't understand why people were so upset about all this because the kid seemed to be doing alright for himself. The caseworker could tell that there was something missing in the mother,so she didn't get overly emotional about this. Instead, she told the woman point blank that in all of her years doing this type of work she never saw anyone with the apparent lack of emotion towards their own child, that she was seeing with her. It was like she saw her own child as an unneeded complication. [This was decades ago BTW, back when it wasn't nearly as commonplace as it seems to be now.]

This is when the woman told the caseworker, with tears coming down her face, that she really did try to understand her child and that she really did try to be the best mother she could. "I've tried and I've tried to be the type of mother that every other woman seems to be, but I just can't do it. I'm sorry, but I just can't". And that's when it hit the caseworker. This woman was unemphatic to the point where she can only understand her own emotions. Whatever it is in people that enables them to feel for anyone else........is gone in her.

I know that's not you Advantage, but I thought I would share that story so people can see the extreme end of what happens when people can't even understand the differences of others. Even their own kin. This is where being emphatic comes in being useful. You have to actually care about someone before you can feel for them, and when you feel emotions for someone you can better understand them. I know that's hard for some people to "understand", but that really is the case.



To the OP......All 6 of those traits have nothing to do with making money. They aren't the end result of making money, nor do they help in the process. This is why empathy isn't being pushed into the mainstream IMO. It doesn't fall in line with the current perception of what you need in order to make money. I agree that needs to change, but I can't see that happening in our lifetimes unless something radical happens that makes empathy a necessity that you, literally, cannot live without.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple

To the OP......All 6 of those traits have nothing to do with making money. They aren't the end result of making money, nor do they help in the process. This is why empathy isn't being pushed into the mainstream IMO. It doesn't fall in line with the current perception of what you need in order to make money. I agree that needs to change, but I can't see that happening in our lifetimes unless something radical happens that makes empathy a necessity that you, literally, cannot live without.

yeah. You've made a very good point there.
Sad, I think.

Hope you enjoyed the Super Bowl. Anyways, this is nice and kind. I can appreciate your feelings. I would like to add something if I may. My father was a pastor of a church when I was very little. He was a pastor of a church again right before he died. In between he was a counselor, a hospice worker and a prison outreach counselor. He spent time going from prisoners, to abused children, to people on drugs, and in the end he gave food to homeless people. In fact he held a dinner every Wednesday night and was partially responsible for a food bank where anyone could receive food. I spent most of my life questioning his beliefs, and trying to stump him because I hated God or even the idea of Him. I went to jail, went through massive drug addiction and was a all around bad person. I used to blame this on him all the time. He never stopped reaching out to me. Towards the end of his life he started to wear down physically as he contracted hepatitis c after(or during) his time in Vietnam as a marine. It was towards this time that I realized he was my hero, and I was such a terrible person for giving him the strife I did. He did all this because he believed the Bible. I would give my life to have one minute to tell him I loved him.

reply to post by pleasethink

Hope you enjoyed the Super Bowl.

I detest the Super Bowl, I was watching it to try to "share it" with my hubby is all - in an effort to show interest in something he adores. Turned out he didn't want "company" (every time I opened my mouth he gave me that "shush! It's the SuperBowl! The ads AND the game are equally important"; although granted, I can hardly turn off my sarcasm while watching football.)
LOL!! It was like being glared at for talking in a movie theater!!
- so I just waited until he went down to the bedsit, and then turned it off. But...back on topic:

Anyways, this is nice and kind.

I believe in those six traits with all my soul. Thanks for reading it! And also, thanks for sharing your experience. If you'd like, you can click on the bar at the bottom of this post and go to a thread I made last year - there you can read about my, and others', experiences with religion. Your story will enrich the accumulated data; kinda like my own little version of "This American Life" on NPR.

As I said, look forward to getting better acquainted - you'll find that ATS has a lot of deep thinkers, and loads - endless loads - of philosophical type threads and posts.

I'm sure your dad knows you loved him.

On a lighter note, after reading this I will probably start reading The Huffington Post and taking an active role in the presidential campaign of Hilary Clinton. Just kidding. It was sweet.

reply to post by pleasethink

It was sweet.

Ah, I see. First it was "nice" and "kind" and now it's "sweet." Yes, it is all of those things - does that mean that it's dismissable as a way of life? No, it doesn't.

Please don't be condescending and patronizing. I don't suffer that without objection.