How to stop the friends zone

can someone tell me how I can stop ending up in the friends zone with women. every woman I try to hit it off with, I always end up in the same place. Should I stop treating them like equals and start treating them as property. Seem like women always try to go out with scumbags.

reply to post by bigvig316


I don't know how to get girls into the friend zone. All the girls I'm friends with are so blatantly obvious my girlfriend wants to kill me. So if you teach me your methods I'll teach you mine…

reply to post by bigvig316

Seem like women always try to go out with scumbags.

"Seems like" which means they might be scumbags to you but not to the girl. And when the girl talks about them being scumbags to them, they are just venting. You don't hear girls talking up how great a guy is right? Yea, cause they come to you when they want a shoulder to cry on… How often do they come when they are having a blast with joe whoever?

Try looking in a different place. If you are looking in bars, try a piano lounge. If you are looking in church then try the bar.

All it means is that you are constantly meeting the same type and types congregate in similar places. In very general terms, the same types have similar expectations. You do not meet those expectations. Choose wisely.

P

boncho
reply to post by bigvig316

 

I don't know how to get girls into the friend zone. All the girls I'm friends with are so blatantly obvious my girlfriend wants to kill me. So if you teach me your methods I'll teach you mine…

Aaannnnd ........ Boncho strides to the forefront of my ATS Heroes' List.

idk if i can help you.

i think unfortunately most of this relies on initial physical attraction.

there is a hidden meter of desire, that typically fluctuates based on your personality and how you treat them. It might be possible to manipulate, but I don't think being an asshole is going to help.

There are some girls that are attracted to assholes, but it's probably just because they relate to their daddy issues. Not to mention girls with daddy issues can be easily manipulated and assholes are all-but too eager to take advantage of it.

Confidence is important, but it can't be taught. Good confidence, unfortunately, I think, is required to manipulate the act of being desired. So people who are already experienced in the matter grow to using it naturally, while the people who lack it are practically helpless.

I can tell you one thing, don't put them on a pedestal. It's something you learn in good confidence, I think it is the most important thing anyone can do. Pedestals are entitled to worry, desperation, and loss of sight, among many other things.

reply to post by bigvig316


Dude...

I am single. It is not by choice, strictly speaking, but because of precisely the thing that seems to have you stymied. However, may I be so bold as to make a suggestion, from which both of us might benefit immensely?

It seems to me that what folk like you and I need to do, is to accept the friend zone from those who would place us in it. For a start, if you are yourself around the women who place you in this box, then clearly they are not the correct women for you. It seems pretty obvious to me, that if a woman has a tendency to place persons of good character in the friend zone, then she is either looking for the wrong type of fellow, or one of the other metrics by which these things are judged, is either not present in you, or too present, depending on who you are. That is not a failing on your part, and you should not think of it as such.

Instead consider, that the woman who has placed you in this box, has done you a favour. It saves time, and effort, and heart ache, and crucially, leaves you a free agent to explore the world, in search of a woman who can appreciate the finer aspects of your no doubt winning personality. Let me put it another way. You could waste an awful lot of time with a woman who really does not "dig" you, but is just after some company. She could string you along for a time, get some dinners out of you, and then one day call the thing off having found some moron to whom she feels an inexplicable, carnal, spiritless connection (that for some reason she finds more appealing than the one she shares with you). That whole time, you will not have been looking (if you are a gentleman, that is) for other female attention, and may even have politely brushed off the woman you SHOULD have been with. We all know that men who are in relationships, for some reason find themselves receiving more female attention when out and about, so that scenario is not at all unlikely.

I say take the friendship where you can get it, because good friends are hard to find, and keep looking. Remember, the friend zone is not your enemy, it is just not the ally you were looking for.

reply to post by TrueBrit


i have noticed that many a time have a goodlooking woman on your arm and women throw themselves at you blatenly
yet meet them on your own and they do not want to know you
funny creatures women

as the old saying goes
treat them mean to keep them keen and it works somehow

be a gent open doors romantic meals and they walk all over you

999zxcv
reply to post by TrueBrit

 

i have noticed that many a time have a goodlooking woman on your arm and women throw themselves at you blatenly
yet meet them on your own and they do not want to know you
funny creatures women

as the old saying goes
treat them mean to keep them keen and it works somehow

be a gent open doors romantic meals and they walk all over you

it's probably hubris, just want to look better.

reply to post by TrueBrit


you have to go for sex always...if she turns you down...you probably wont make it to the friends zone after that. Otherwise it might work and you could get your horse in the barn.

Why creeps always get the girl and you're stuck behind the friends curtain...? Because they always go for sex...you have to want it...physically and mentally...and you have to show it sometimes...drop sexy hints, make them uncomfortable...they want it too. You sort of have to implant the idea of sex in her mind. In such a way...you are making her think about it...

....unless...you're incredibly sexy, easy on the eyes guy. Than you don't have to do any of that...just wait...just like Boncho

But...since you're asking all this...I'm guessing that you are rather uncomfortable with the idea of dropping sexy hints to women in the firs place and somehow think that by being nice to them...will get you points...it will....friends points

And remember...you're not making love to a woman...you're making love against her...it's a war out there

reply to post by 999zxcv


Well, thats true, but only if they are not the sort of woman who appreciates a good man. That ought to be a signal that you should not have anything further to do with them than a friendship. If you are a natural gentleman, then you ought to be after someone who will appreciate having the door opened for them, and the sundry things a gentleman does for a woman, rather than someone who is tempted to take advantage of your good nature.

Jarring

999zxcv
reply to post by TrueBrit

 

i have noticed that many a time have a goodlooking woman on your arm and women throw themselves at you blatenly
yet meet them on your own and they do not want to know you
funny creatures women

as the old saying goes
treat them mean to keep them keen and it works somehow

be a gent open doors romantic meals and they walk all over you

it's probably hubris, just want to look better.

it shocked me to see how mean women can be to each other way worse than men are i think we are a bit more suttle well most of us

but if another guy did the same approach as some women do it would cause war

MarioOnTheFly
reply to post by TrueBrit

 

you have to go for sex always...if she turns you down...you probably wont make it to the friends zone after that. Otherwise it might work and you could get your horse in the barn.

Why creeps always get the girl and you're stuck behind the friends curtain...? Because they always go for sex...you have to want it...physically and mentally...and you have to show it sometimes...drop sexy hints, make them uncomfortable...they want it too. You sort of have to implant the idea of sex in her mind. In such a way...you are making her think about it...

....unless...you're incredibly sexy, easy on the eyes guy. Than you don't have to do any of that...just wait...just like Boncho

But...since you're asking all this...I'm guessing that you are rather uncomfortable with the idea of dropping sexy hints to women in the firs place and somehow think that by being nice to them...will get you points...it will....friends points

And remember...you're not making love to a woman...you're making love against her...it's a war out there

lol i didn't even think of flirtation. /facepalm

999zxcv

Jarring

999zxcv
reply to post by TrueBrit

 

i have noticed that many a time have a goodlooking woman on your arm and women throw themselves at you blatenly
yet meet them on your own and they do not want to know you
funny creatures women

as the old saying goes
treat them mean to keep them keen and it works somehow

be a gent open doors romantic meals and they walk all over you

it's probably hubris, just want to look better.

it shocked me to see how mean women can be to each other way worse than men are i think we are a bit more suttle well most of us

but if another guy did the same approach as some women do it would cause war

yeah, it seems it's just a playful game to men, while women can be conniving, malevolent creatures. guys spent all their time with bullies on the playground, while women spent all their time devising schemes for true battle behind the curtains. -_-;

reply to post by MarioOnTheFly


I have no issues with confidence, or communicating my desire toward a woman. However, I am also a gentleman, and one does not raise such issues without there having first been some more subtle, often non verbal communication, in that regard. Believe you me, communication is one of the things at which I excel. I want a woman who appreciates that in a man, and does NOT want a blaggard who would go to bed with a woman at the drop of a hat, for any reason. If there is a woman out there who would appreciate me in the only way which will result in a healthy relationship going forward, she will dig that harder than an enraged gopher.

TrueBrit
reply to post by MarioOnTheFly

 

I have no issues with confidence, or communicating my desire toward a woman. However, I am also a gentleman, and one does not raise such issues without there having first been some more subtle, often non verbal communication, in that regard. Believe you me, communication is one of the things at which I excel. I want a woman who appreciates that in a man, and does NOT want a blaggard who would go to bed with a woman at the drop of a hat, for any reason. If there is a woman out there who would appreciate me in the only way which will result in a healthy relationship going forward, she will dig that harder than an enraged gopher.

good for you, and good luck. I hope she crosses your path some day

maybe your just being too laid back with them? or too shy if you dont show enough interest and they are shy themselves then you wont get very far and i wouldnt say us woman are hard to understand i find men are more the complicated ones

My, my....I think you should be happy you made it to the friends zone. That is where all the true, long lasting relationships come from. My husband and I started out as friends. I had no interest in him for more than that. It wasn't until a year later that I realized I had fallen in love with him. We are coming up on our ten year anniversary.

Maybe being in the friends zone places you in the long term relationship department. Maybe your thought of as someone who they could spend a lifetime with, but they just aren't ready to make that commitment yet. Maybe you are worth more to them than a one night stand. Maybe your someone they value and they don't want to lose you?

Just saying....it could be a positive thing.

Thanks,
Blend57

reply to post by MarioOnTheFly

Why creeps always get the girl and you're stuck behind the friends curtain...? Because they always go for sex...you have to want it...physically and mentally...and you have to show it sometimes...drop sexy hints, make them uncomfortable...they want it too. You sort of have to implant the idea of sex in her mind. In such a way...you are making her think about it...

I would almost recommend this but then you might have some really creepy dude who just scares the crap out of the girl and next thing you know restraining order.

I think it boils down to knowing who you are and social engineering. If we are going to quantify it, I guess...



The first thing someone has to do is figure out what ball park they are playing in.

Nerd
Badass
Scholar
Gentleman
Suit
Jock
Hick
Artist
etc…

(Feel free to mix them while one will have to be dominant)

Then what qualities are you pushing?

Agressive
Passive

(choose one of the above proceed below)
-
Righteous
Arrogant
Self Serving
Bully
Indignent
Indifferent
Egotistical
Negative thinking
Whorish


Everyone has bad qualities. First thing to do is figure out which ones you have. (Case in point, I'm an arrogant prick).

Now, for all the bad qualities, figure out which ones you are going to push for your positives:

Caring
Understanding
Empathy
Thoughtful
Remembrance
Bonding prowess
Ability to gauge and modify moods
Positive thinking


Once you finish that. For example, I'll list myself as:

A badass-genetleman-suit with nerdish tendencies.
An arrogant, egotistical prick who's whorish and a self serving bully.
I do however, posses the ability to gauge and modify moods, be thoughtful and understanding and maintain positive thinking.

So, first I outline the girls I'm looking for and see if they are in the same ball park. Do I see a girl who works in a lab 60 hours a week processing dna data as a match? Well, beyond my nerdish tendencies I think she's gonna bore the piss out of me.

A stripper, go-go dancer, bar scene socialite. Fits the bill, but my ego doesn't want a girl that's been run over by every guy with enough money for a dance or drinks.

So I need something in the middle. A girl with a career and a bad streak, who hates guys like me.

So I find her, prove I'm not a whorish arrogant prick by cheering her up when she's down, remembering all the little things (though she expects me to forget) and let her know everything's gonna be alright (when it never is.)

-

You can break it down even further. Use your negative qualities in positive ways. Use your arrogance to make them laugh, but don't for get to throw in something nice when you're being an ass, or you really are being an ass.

Oh and it helps if you are always right and they are always wrong. (even if they are right.)

Another bit of advice, dry spells. Dry spells are terrible with a capital T. I've had a few and I swear every ugly girl I make eye contact with wants to jump me.

And when I say ugly I'm not talking simply looks here, I mean personality ugly.

To me, a girl can look gorgeous but her personality can make her look like a vagrant in 5 seconds flat. In any case, a lot of superficially uglies too.

Now, fast forward. Some casual dating, a bit of planting the seed, and voila, cute girls with personality start taking interest again. And when you find the right one, they will always take interest. Cause they will be bitching behind your girls back, "I want to steal her boyfriend."

That my friend is the key to being happy. Finding the right ones. I mean one.

2 guys can walk up to the same girl and kiss them, without ever speaking a word to them before hand. One will get slapped, and the other will get tongue. Which one are you?