I have a question for anyone that has ever TRULY been in Love. The other day, I came across my fiance's oldest blog written when he was in his early
20's. He writes all his blogs like it is his own personal diary, but he makes it public for everyone to see. He knows that I read what he writes, but
I didn't know that he had more than one blog until 2 days ago. What I read in his first blog, made me start to question a lot about our relationship.
I remember reading one passage, talking about the kind of woman that he likes. Tears came rushing down my face, because I realized that I am nowhere
near his "type" and after reading about his preferences, it really made me wonder why we ever got engaged.
I want this relationship to work, but I don't want him to feel like he is settling in any way, by choosing me. When I agreed to commitment, I'll
admit that maybe I really didn't know everything about him yet, and still don't, but I fell in Love with the person I believed him to be. It hurts
to think that I am not pleasing him on every level, being the physical attractiveness. I know I am not his type, and I really don't think I
physically ever could be (he likes big big breasts, naturally long hair, and wide hips). After reading his blog, and reflecting on some aspects in our
relationship, I could be paranoid, but I feel like he is trying to steer me into this image by making subtle suggestions to have me change into a more
attractive woman by his definition and standard. He likes all the things that I cannot be for him and it makes me feel like he is wasting his time
with me, because I am not really what he wants.
So my question is: Does TRUE Love conquer all, or do the biological forces driving physical attractiveness outweigh the concept of romantic Love
As much as it hurts, I really just want to know the truth about how he feels, and I don't even know how to begin to ask as I fear he will take it as
me being insecure, as far as I see it, that is not the case. I want someone to be with me because they are attracted to me on ALL levels, not simply
because they are convincing themselves that they find me physically desirable.
Please no rude or diverting comments.
edit on 30-1-2014 by leira7 because: words
Leira, I feel you and your anxieties completely.
So much is at stake here. Most importantly your happiness and peace.
I want to start with something you said at the end:
"I want someone to be with me because they are attracted to me on ALL levels, not simply because they are convincing themselves that they find me
If only we could be attracted at ALL levels to the one we love. But reality will remind us, that not only are we not attracted to them on all levels,
it may even be impossible.
You can love someone to pieces, yet there are just some things you can't grab hold of with a lot of love, you know? ha
If all levels were present, I would say you have died and reached Nirvana.
The physical in life is real and powerful. But how can it be everything? If it were, how do those with disabilities, unable to have sexual relations
with their loved one, actually love each other? I mean, if you can't have sex, it means you don't love? So that is something to think about. We all
desire to have sex with the one we love. Our bodies are wired for it. Our chemicals constantly remind us we like it.
Perhaps, since discovering his "type" you are feeling all of a sudden doubtful of your worth? But did he not write this in his 20's? Perhaps, his
type has changed since then?
Apparently, something must have changed, as he chose you to have a relationship with, and you say you are none of what he described.
I feel like he is trying to steer me into this image by making subtle suggestions to have me change into a more attractive woman by his definition and
standard. He likes all the things that I cannot be for him and it makes me feel like he is wasting his time with me, because I am not really what he
Is he really making these subtle suggestions? Or do you feel this way only after reading that blog he wrote in his 20's?
Leira, have you ever seen The Joy Luck Club?
There was a scene in the film with Rose and her soon to be ex-husband.
She had attempted to be the dutiful and pleasing wife to him. She tried so hard to make him feel special and loved. Be the woman she thought he really
wanted her to be.
In the end, they were separating.
He said he missed the woman he first knew. The woman he fell in love with.
Anyway, the thing she said to him was so powerful, so correct, and to be remembered anytime anywhere when you are questioning yourself like this.
She said to him: "It was my fault. I'm the one who told you my love wasn't good enough. I'm the one who told you your love was better than
Your love is just as good as his. First and foremost.
But we spend so much time in fear, we are frozen in one spot. Who cares if he thinks you're insecure? Speak your heart woman! If he can't handle it,
then he isn't strong enough. And therefore, is he even strong enough to have the relationship?
Never be afraid to seem clingy or insecure or whatever thing we build up in our minds.
Say what you feel. No question. You will always stand strong because you at least, are always willing and able to speak your heart. Life is just too
short for anything less!
So my question is: Does TRUE Love conquer all, or do the biological forces driving physical attractiveness outweigh the concept of romantic Love and
Yes. I believe deep down still, that true love does conquer all.
Biological forces are simply a fact of life, we have them, we deal with them.
But I can tell you this... I am a bird. But if I fell in love with a fish, he would be my true love. And I would wash and pet his little scales until
No, he couldn't fly, so I would carry him in my beak. If he felt the same about me, he would carry me on his back along the surface of water.
Silly? Oh, yes. But true nonetheless. Not all birds are attracted to other birds. Even if they once were. Love doesn't have a blueprint. Or a
photograph. Don't put so much weight upon either physical beauty or what someone felt like at 20 years old.
And... remember what Rose said!