posted on Jan, 23 2014 @ 01:23 AM
We have had an awful emotional roller coaster ride for the past year, and intensified in the past few weeks, with my little diabetic 12 year old
mini-dachsund. Today, it all came to a head, and we succumbed. We got less than 5 hours sleep the past few nights - she has been crying (whisper
whining and nose-whistling) all week because of her discomfort because she has to urinate and is massively thirsty at the same time. We adjusted her
insulin and tried picking up the water bowl at 7pm. We tried a doggie diaper, but she gets it off immediately. She also had cataracts that made her
blind, which didn't bother her much, but then something went wrong and one of her eyes flooded with blood and turned red within just a few days.
We took her to a doggie ophthalmologist specialist to evaluate her eyes, one of which apparently has a separated retina now and she has been bleeding
into it. We felt ok about the treatment plan until last night.
Last night she cried all night - we woke up around 1-2am. The whole family had unrestful sleep until 5 when we had to get up for work.
On and on goes the story and the final word is that this evening, at my wonderful vet, who has taken care of her since she was just a puppy, as well
as my other three dogs for 10+ years, we put her to sleep. I was with my baby girl the whole time and held her and talked to her and told her how
good she is and how much I love her and there won't be any more insulin shots ever again, over and over and over. She was relaxed and not in any
pain. Thank God for our wonderful Vet.
REGARDLESS - I feel absolutely miserable. I can't stop crying. I also kept telling her I am so sorry! I am having trouble focusing and I don't
know if I will be able to sleep tonight. I can't believe I didn't bring my sweet girl home tonight. I still can't believe she is gone and I will
never see her again. I look around my home and she is not here. I know mentally that she is being taken care of by my vet and the crematorium, and
the last I saw she was sweetly wrapped in a soft blanket, to be taken off for the crematorium. I just can't stop crying. I'm like, useless for my
other dogs and my husband. I talked to my (grown college) kids already. Took time off work trying to deal today. Have to work the full day
tomorrow. HATE this. Miserable and can't stop crying - have been crying for hours or on and off for days.
Just spilling it out because I feel so completely rotten...
Blessings to all who have loved and lost the ones they love,