office slander, rumors, seriously making my life hell

reply to post by Chronogoblin


I gave no attentions to be honest. The most I did was ask one of the gals in private if what I'd heard was true and she hemmed and hawed so I just smiled and said, ''Thanks for clearing it up, I appreciate it." and went on with my night, helping those I could and talking to others and then doing my job as I always do. I like to nip rumors in the bud by calmly approaching those who speak them out to clear it up. I never like 'he said/she said' so going to the source is usually wise.

This is why I'm planning to keep working as i do, keep being how I am - but I also know if I ignore it, it will just fester on and on. The way I'm looking at it now is 'im there to make a paycheck and make my bosses happy. Who cares what others say?'

makes me wonder what other heinous things they've said about others while smiling to their faces though. What unhappy people. I don't understand how anyone can live like that. If I hear a rumor about someone, I go to that someone and clear it up, "I heard this about you; is it true?" Those who came to me about this situation regarding me have my props, respect and kudo's. They instantly pulled me aside here and there to say 'hey, I know you're a great person, you work hard, you never have a bad word for anyone; this is what I heard, is it true?"

They know straight up I have skeletons in my closet just as every human does. If they knew my skeletons and added to them, it'd not be that big of a deal because hey, it's feeding off the truth. But making stuff up from a dark evil scratch just is where I draw the line. My own skeletons are skeletons but not vile corrupt bad horrific skeletons. At least if you're going to do some rumors, base em on known fact, not on made up stuff. I'm honest with anyone. Just ask me. My past is just that. I'm just human. shrugs.

I wonder if the person reporting these things is the exaggerator here? Or is it you, yourself? As with many of these "This bad thing is happening to me, ATS, won't you please agree with me that all these people I'm telling you about are schmucks" threads, you've told your story, and now you have a bunch of reactions supporting you. That's kind of how this is set up.

So we have your side of the story and it is one of a near perfect person who does everything right and is the most helpful, reasonable (albeit private) person in the entire world who has never done anything to anyone ever to justify this kind of treatment, this kind of undeserved reputation. Somehow these rumors have started from nothing, kind of like the Big Bang.

That's kind of strange, frankly. I've been in a lot of work environments, like 30 or so, over my working career, and been subject to office politics myself and seen a lot more. I've seen employees ostracized to the point that they quit. But I've never seen the extreme you have reported here, the perfect person on the one hand and the truly scurrilous lies on the other hand, apparently from out of the blue. Usually this stuff starts somewhere. Like a grain of sand that causes a pearl to form, there is an irritant somewhere. What could that possibly be?

Well, as we read through this story we discover that actually, you DO have a "special friend," a best friend, in fact (but only a best friend) who is male, and people have noticed this "special" relationship. And we DO have this admission that management has put you on the fast track for promotion, even though you've been there a short time, much shorter than the others. And, oh, yes, you DO have some familiarity with certain controlled substances (though EVERYBODY does so what's the big deal!). And there's this tiny matter of you spending time in prison for kiting a bad check (I'm sure you didn't know and all and were set-up.)

Now, the times I have seen employees ostracized the one thing they had in common was an inability to fit into the corporate culture COMBINED WITH a haughty attitude, at least a PERCEIVED haughty attitude. In one case I'm thinking of it wasn't really fair, IMO, but this woman kind of brought it on herself. She belonged to a very conservative religion that frowned on "normal" activities. She did think she was pretty special; in fact, she was average, and her "punishment" took the form of never being able to get a ride with the others to lunch, never being invited to after-work parties, the "silent treatment" and so forth. She finally quit and got a much better job elsewhere. In fact, she did great at her next job where she was much happier.

Now, none of us knows who started these rumors, but I've got my eye on the person who told you about them. There are people in the workplace who enjoy "stirring the hornet's nest" to see what happens. So the fact is you may not have been told reality in the first place.

The second person I suspect is you. By your own admission you have enough in your background and behavior to start these rumors. You've been very open about discussing them on this open, public forum. If you were really a "very private person" you wouldn't be dumping this entire story here. My guess is you've embellished it considerably.

So the bottom line is that you're not going to make it in this workplace environment. You may as well plan on a new job. The EEOC cannot help you because you have not made the case as a "protected class." It's not as if you're a minority in an all-white workplace. Besides, EEOC issues take eons to bring forward, and you don't have the time.

I know you won't like this, nor will others on this thread who are your co-dependents, people who support you implicitly having heard only your side of events. The one thing that is certain is that there is another side. You've given us some hints of it, but there's no way we can know the full story here.

reply to post by boymonkey74

Boy Monkey said it just right. I'm pretty sure it's ILLEGAL for people to slander like that at a place of work.
And if the employer doesn't put a stop to it and provide a safe environment, you may be able to take
legal action.

I feel for you. People can be nasty idiots.

reply to post by sarra1833


I've dealt with these kind of events before as a regular employee and as a supervisor as well as upper management. Yes, you can take your grievance all the way up the ladder to the CEO or the board, but I've never seen any good come of it. Even when the company does something and you find your vindication, the fallout from that will most likely be worse than it was before. No one likes a tattle tale even when they are truly justified... It's just how people are. People who make a stink even when they're right are usually stonewalled and deemed not trustworthy as others will feel that they could be the target of your next "grievance."

Rumors do hurt at times but they only continue when we feed into them. These things usually pass and someone else will be the target next week, etc. unless there's some truth to it or people make a big deal and give it the energy to perpetuate.

I wish I could tell you that raising hell and threatening to sue everybody is going to make things better, but I can't. Human nature is what it is, and it really doesn't matter if you're right or not. You have to decide if you're willing to take the consequences.

When I find myself pissed off about these kinds of things I remind myself that I cannot control what other people think, say, feel or act. I can only control myself and how I let others AFFECT me. I refuse to give others the power to affect my life negatively no matter how hard they try. It is not my responsibility to judge or punish others... I leave that up to the Universe. People will get what's coming to them. It may not happen on YOUR timeline and you may not ever see it happen, but it WILL happen. I believe this 100%.

Whatever you decide to do I wish you good luck!

Keep doing good, work hard, do not engage in petty tactics with rumor mongers...the cream always rises to the top. Let the chips fall where they may with those who would do you an ill turn.

reply to post by Rainbowresidue


I've seen some of that at my job as well,I would take a good hard look at some of your 'so called friends' that were letting you in on what was being said.People will do that to upset you,keep you on edge,make you defend yourself,all the while laughing behind they're hand at you.

At this point I would say trust NO ONE.You have no idea who is really saying these things.What you need to do is ask these 'friends' who said what,then contact management and have them all pulled in and let them sort it out once and for all.

Its really sad that people still think they are in high school and feel the need to create a hostile work place for others.They don't deserve to have a job when there are so many others that would desperately come to work and just do the job.Good luck to you.I've found that the trouble makers generally are that way with the companies blessing.They've been getting away with it and so keep on doing it.When they tire of one person they just move on to the next.

schuyler
I wonder if the person reporting these things is the exaggerator here? Or is it you, yourself? As with many of these "This bad thing is happening to me, ATS, won't you please agree with me that all these people I'm telling you about are schmucks" threads, you've told your story, and now you have a bunch of reactions supporting you. That's kind of how this is set up.
.....
(Summary: I don't believe you)
.....

Your right, it's a form of reaching out for support. However rumors are often not based on fact like you claim. Your analysis of the OP's few posts such as 'special friend', fast track management, controlled substances, prison time, is VERY superficial and not helpful in a situation where someone is reaching out for help. The last thing they need is a quick and dirty psycho-analysis from a stranger based on 1,000 written words. It isn't surprising that your conclusion and solution to get another job is poor given the previous.

I'd suggest trying to positively impact a request for help instead of jumping to extremely negative conclusions and trying to slam them into a person face. However you're free to act anyway you like.

reply to post by sarra1833


Hold a meeting with HR and your boss and have them stop this rumor mill ...it's considered Workplace Harassment, plain & simple and is on the same level as Sexual Harassment in the court of law. Lawyers will have a hay day with this, and if the HR department has any intelligence, it will/should be quelled ASAP.

Yes. I'm serious, been working in world Corporations for over 22 years, I have attended multiple classes on the subject so much from training sessions and standard yearly required classes that I could nearly teach one without the materials.

sarra1833
Guys, I need some advice here.

I'll try

sarra1833
Been working at my job for almost 7 months now.

It's not a long time in many workplaces. Could be impacting the situation your describing.

sarra1833
I had a major death in my family last week (brother and aunt were involved in a fatal car accident so I took time off to do what needed to be done, obviously). I came back to work last night and oh my lord, what hit me was a shocker beyond belief.

My deepest sympathies for your loss. Remember that the grieving process is lengthy and returning to work doesn't mean you are back to normal. You might be helped by researching the grieving process a bit and understanding typical ways it impacts people at different stages. That can help you understand if your thoughts are different than normal.

sarra1833
I do not drink, do drugs,

Congratulations...that is going to help you deal with the difficult events in your life.

sarra1833
haven't been intimate with anyone since 2002 by choice

This is different than the average person. I hope you are exploring, when possible, why you are making this choice. Healthy relationships with others is very important part of life. Understand that talking with professionals about 'life' is better than posting details for strangers to comment about.

sarra1833
so according to rumor - ...

They sound awful and wild. The more crazy the rumor the less you should feel impacted by it. You can't control what people say or think about you, but you can control how you feel about it.

sarra1833
I tried talking kindly to one of the many spreading but they just looked shocked and said, "I never said a thing like that! I just said you and 'name withheld' are hanging out."

Sometimes directly confronting someone about a rumor is good. If you choose to do that remember that you need to keep the encounter civil and constructive, not leveling accusations and ruining already strained relationships. In your altered emotional condition due to personal tragedy I would suggest you not directly confront without a strong support person to ensure the 'talk' helps the situation instead of hindering it.

sarra1833
Well first off, you don't come around my home cuz you live miles in the other direction so how would you know if I'm hanging out with anyone or not? You WOULDN'T. End of. Stop making things up. Sorry Im female and have a male friend at work that I get along great with, basically a best friend. Doesn't mean we're intimate.

Remember that rumors are typically based on tidbits of information people see and not on truth. Office romance is a very common event so people jumping to conclusions about a relationship like you describe is fairly normal. A good response to that is a few simple statements to people at work about your current thoughts on relationships (not wanting any). It is being a little more open than you might want to be, but it is a response that gets better results than telling people to NOT jump to conclusions. That is like telling them to not breathe. Simply help clarify your relationship around the office in normal conversations.

Many have suggested you talk to your boss about the situation. I would agree with that. Understand that you are recovering from a major life event and your boss is there to help you with that. You may have returned to work too soon, you may need limited hours at work to help you adjust back to that routine. More confrontations at work aren't likely to help things.

You should also understand that emotionally you need support. Without a 'partner' you will need to lean on friends and family. Be careful if you start a relationship with someone in your current condition. It is easy to reach out for that support but your judgement may be compromised as to which person is a good one to let into your life.

Good luck!

reply to post by sarra1833


I say go with it...I was once accused of something awful...completely #ed me up....now I like the mystery....people are unsure of me uneasy.....its fun.....the real people who know me love the # out of me so i just mess with everyone else.

reply to post by sarra1833


Well, I'm not sure what you can do. There will always be office rumors, and Really I'd love to hear what is said about me. I've moved been promoted 3 times in a year with the most recent raise totaling 5 bucks.

I don't know if you ever did any drugs, or drink at all so I'm really not sure they have a reason to say those things and you really shouldn't worry about it. People are assholes, and when they are jealous they will say what ever they can to others to try and benefit themselves.

I worked for a company before this for years and heard tons of rumors about me, sort of along the same lines. Sleeps with all the women, drinks heavily, does insert drug here. The funny thing was for the longest time it wasn't true at all, then I met this girl and I totally made that # come true. Maybe it was me dwelling on the things they said, but I made it my reality and heroin and abusive relationships are really hard to kick.

If it's not true, don't worry about the # they say. I really got myself into that kind of # and now I'm doing really well for myself, at an awesome job. No body can tell you who to be, and the real you should shine so much brighter than the stupid # your colleagues are saying. Those who matter already know all they need to know about you. Keep working hard, you've already received recognition and if they are training you for management they have seen something in you that isn't anything like the rumors they are saying.

Keep your head up, and hopefully someone will recognize your skills and potential and move you up. That's pretty much how it happened to me. Don't let them mess with you, and don't let anyone get you down. Just don't get dragged into it.

-Jinx

My op here was a month ago and I didn't remember I posted about it until I just posted a 'new occurance' in the rant forum, haha. Anyway, to answer one thing someone posted here: i was never in prison. I did do a few weeks in jail for the check my ex boss forged; 5 of us were in trouble for cashing our checks and it really messed our lives up but it's so in the past now it doesn't affect a thing. Just wanted to put that out there. If I knew he'd been forging checks for many many years and was in and out of prison for at least a decade for doing so, I never would have worked for the creep. The only reason I decided to take the misdemeanor instead of being let off fully was because I was to leave for army bct in a week. The judge offered me to get out that day and take a mis or stay in for a few more weeks and have it fully erased. Back then I wanted to retire in the military so I chose what I felt was the best offer; get out that day and start my military career. It is what it is, and I accept it, though it does kind of suck having that on my record. Other than that, I'm a very 'no trouble' person and yes, I am very kind and buddhist in my approach to life, though things do still ride me wrong now and then; im only human and have feelings.

All the rumors are unfounded and all can be easily disproved 100%. If I was that way, I'd own up to it. Everyone has faults. But none of those rumors are mine to claim ownership to.