Would like your opinions...touchy situation

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree


I believe that there is unconditional love for your children and some have that feeling for Jesus. No matter what your kids do a parent will love them. When it comes to a spouse i don't believe that it exists. The other person has free will and can affect your feelings about them, that's not unconditional love.
I have been married for 19+ years by the way. Just so you know I'm not completely clueless, only partly. Lol

reply to post by Jacker44


Denying your feelings towards your crush is going to be difficult. You probably would be better off by acknowledging the situation and mentioning it to your spouse. You may not know what the personal situation of your crush is really like, perhaps it would be better to find out more before you make any moves. Only when you are sure the damage will not be too severe, should you consider taking significant steps. Just my opinion.

Disclaimer: I'm not a Dr. Phil fan - but - he did say something that I think makes a lot of sense...

You have to EARN your way out of your marriage

Translation: you must do everything you can, 100% effort, to have the marriage you want, with your current spouse. You don't get out easy, that can't be an option.

FWIW that's also just my own humble opinion.

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree

The crush is not the reason I would leave the marriage. I've been thinking about leaving for quite some time; at least two years. I didn't want to face the fact it was failing and kept trying.
Just happened to run into the old crush and realized how much I missed having emotions flowing inside.... almost forgot they were there.
My life is not terrible. I'm not being beat or abused, and I haven't abused our marriage, only by "thought".
My spouse has cheated, lied - you name it.

I think too many people give up on their marraiges too easily and for petty reasons. When you are with the same person for many years, of course the sparks arn't going to fly like when the relationship was new and exciting. You have gotten to know each other and probably take one another for granted.

Surely you had things in common with your spouse before you married, so what changed? What makes you think that a new relationship won't end up the same as te one you have now? All relationships reach a point where you don't feel madly in love anymore. It doesn't mean you don't love each other, it means you have reached a more mature level in your relationship.

If you want out of your marraige, you'd better make damned sure that
s what you want. I've seen too many people try to get their former spouses back after a while and by then it's too late, the damage is done.
In all relationships, there is a chance that we take and none are guarenteed

reply to post by Jacker44


Your married that's the path you took for good or bad, stop with this childish talk and get back to your marriage

reply to post by Advantage


married I presume?

what is the percentage of animals that mate for life?

I think your use of the word 'many' is misleading.

I get that marriages sometimes fail. It happens. But what really chaps my hide is when people hang with a partner they're supposedly not happy with, and wait until they find a new love to go running off.

It means you're a coward who is using the spouse you're with, and you're too scared to get out there on your own until there's somebody else for you to be with cause you cannot handle the thought of being alone.

I know my words are harsh but they are absolutely true. If you're unhappy, then LEAVE. But don't be a wuss and wait until there's a "new love" to give you the intense rush of infatuation before you get the courage to end it. There is nothing to respect about that. It only makes you a sneaky cheater who is totally capable of infidelity.

If you're looking to get back at your spouse because they cheated, are you really going to stoop to their level to do it? Why didn't you leave then, with your pride intact?

I have a feeling that my words are entirely wasted as you have already decided that you want to pursue the new relationship with the high school crush, and you want to dump the spouse you've had to put up with for so long. This thread was only to get approval from strangers on the internet to justify what you want to do.

"I've never in my life been so drawn to someone like this"
That tells you everything you already know.
Life is too short to hang with the wrong people.

divorce is awful but liveable.

Marriage is a vow for life, unless both parties agree to dissolve.

CHEATING on a spouse.

Unforgiveable.

Calling that person was a disgusting betrayal in itself. much less a further connection.

Integrity very lacking to act that way when married

I will chip in a bit of advice in favour of your spouse. It's very unfair and selfish to stay with somebody you have no feelings for. This is your cue to be honest and say you aren't happy. Allow your spouse to have a chance at a new life, because he or she is wasting their precious years not knowing they are being considered for termination.

In any case your crush is most likely a fantasy, that won't be so great after all.


The truth hurts for a little while but lies hurt forever.

hi Jacker44 im new on here i was reading your thread,i get questions like this every day as i work for a living as a professional psychic, there are so many people out there that lose themselves because of how loyal they stick by with their marriage that is not working out and yet they meet someone new in the mean time that gives them their confidence back makes them feel wanted again makes them feel like 16 i understand completely how you feel,everything happens for a reason i am a big believer in fate you just need to find you again, dont feel bad for the feelings you have its easy for anyone to say dont do this or that because your married but i think your husband doesnt give you the respect or love you want and it takes two to make a marriage last you have given up a big chunk of your life for this marriage and now it is time to live once again,he doesnt deserve you if he is a cheater,dont be scared to take chances either because you will always end up looking back and wondering. as for this guy you will be wondering what his thoughts and feelings are of you? what does he want and think about it all? this is what you need to find out in time take everything a step at a time, and be sure you want this, you will be happy again.

starseed83
hi Jacker44 im new on here i was reading your thread,i get questions like this every day as i work for a living as a professional psychic, there are so many people out there that lose themselves because of how loyal they stick by with their marriage that is not working out and yet they meet someone new in the mean time that gives them their confidence back makes them feel wanted again makes them feel like 16 i understand completely how you feel,everything happens for a reason i am a big believer in fate you just need to find you again, dont feel bad for the feelings you have its easy for anyone to say dont do this or that because your married but i think your husband doesnt give you the respect or love you want and it takes two to make a marriage last you have given up a big chunk of your life for this marriage and now it is time to live once again,he doesnt deserve you if he is a cheater,dont be scared to take chances either because you will always end up looking back and wondering. as for this guy you will be wondering what his thoughts and feelings are of you? what does he want and think about it all? this is what you need to find out in time

take everything a step at a time, and be sure you want this, you will be happy again.

Everyone wants to be happy ......

Happiness doesn't just descend on a person, it needs to be worked at and

achieved. How can anyone be happy when they know that they are

liars, cheats, selfish, and so on ....

Work on the above, your self esteem increases and makes space for

'HAPPINESS'

reply to post by Advantage


The strippers was a joke btw I only ever saw one and I just sat there looking at anyone but her,,,I was soooo embarrassed
Btw you got any sisters ?

OP do what you think is right in your heart...only way to be.

reply to post by OrphanApology


I really appreciate your reply. No kids involved. We both have children but not together and they are grown; out of the house on their own and doing wonderfully.
Of course, there is so much more to the story but too complicated to put into words.
One reason I've stayed is because of health issues. My health isn't the best and that's where my spouse has been able to help, which is a huge positive. But when I say he's been able to help, I mean "financially". Emotionally, no.
She is very self centered. She's changed a lot since we became married. A lot of truths came out after we got married. It's very confusing. I don't want a divorce but I also don't want to continue living like I feel; a lone, no conversations, no emotions, etc... All of this has nothing to do with the "crush" I had in school. All of these problems have been going on way before I bumped into her. And, I would not jump from one relationship to another. But I have to admit, running into my former crush made me feel a live and how I miss looking forward to conversation and having emotions.
Thank you for your words.

reply to post by boymonkey74


The heart is confused...really. Plus, if I went with how my heart felt right now I'd be with my former crush and I know that is not the right thing to do. That would be jumping too fast.

reply to post by Jacker44


Ask your wife what she wants, believe me not talking will only bring hurt around the corner. Get your feelings out in the open and be honest with your wife.

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree

I afraid we don't live in "should be" land and gender, despite what trendy liberal academics will tell you, is not a social construct. The sexes view the world and relationships in particular from a different standpoint due to their differing biological imperatives and opposing factors in sexual market values.

Jacker44
reply to post by OrphanApology

 

I really appreciate your reply. No kids involved. We both have children but not together and they are grown; out of the house on their own and doing wonderfully.
Of course, there is so much more to the story but too complicated to put into words.
One reason I've stayed is because of health issues. My health isn't the best and that's where my spouse has been able to help, which is a huge positive. But when I say he's been able to help, I mean "financially". Emotionally, no.
She is very self centered. She's changed a lot since we became married. A lot of truths came out after we got married. It's very confusing. I don't want a divorce but I also don't want to continue living like I feel; a lone, no conversations, no emotions, etc... All of this has nothing to do with the "crush" I had in school. All of these problems have been going on way before I bumped into her. And, I would not jump from one relationship to another. But I have to admit, running into my former crush made me feel a live and how I miss looking forward to conversation and having emotions.
Thank you for your words.

Look this is rather simple, you chose to take the vows it is your duty to figure out to fulfill them. Recommendation, first you should seek out a relationship therapist. Preferably one that will be committed to helping you salvage your marriage. Even if you go alone you will learn how to deal with your spouse better. Second of course sparks are all flying with your high school crush, those will fade the minute you quit encouraging them. Things in a marriage do not go bad overnight they aren't going to get better overnight either. It takes effort and time to rebuild that intimacy you have lost. Most marriages are salvageable, but also understand that some just aren't. Good Luck to you.

Jacker44

My spouse has cheated, lied - you name it.


I don't want a divorce but I also don't want to continue living like I feel; a lone, no conversations, no emotions, etc... All of this has nothing to do with the "crush" I had in school.


I have to admit, running into my former crush made me feel a live and how I miss looking forward to conversation and having emotions.

Really. Do tell. Keep spilling the beans that made the soup go bad and you're going to have to find something else to eat.


Quit looking at divorce like it's some some sort of morally reprehensible act that will put you on the south side of heaven. Do you go to church to get a divorce? No. You go to a courthouse. It's a legal maneuver with financial consequesnces, and it's one your spouse didn't have to guts to do herself when she first cheated on you. You know why you're confused? You keep listening to everyones points of view. That's fine for awhile, but I'm sure you have your own own mind. Use it.


So you're stuck in the middle are you? You're living this grey, drab uncomfortable life that your spouse had a large part in making and that you just sit back and take because you don't want a divorce.Try this bubba......bring your crush home to mommy. You know, the one who financially supports you. With the 3 of you all in one room, the one who is the most uncomfortable with that situation is the one you DON'T want to be with. Throw some fireworks into the mix and see what catches fire. THAT will make you feel alive again.