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I love kids but why does society try to make me feel bad.

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posted on Jan, 8 2014 @ 09:06 PM
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reply to post by Bone75
 


It's a long story but basically went out with a girl she dumped me moved to the states had my baby got married to a millionaire, I found out many years later rang her up she told me that her husband has raised him and she didn't want the boy to know me.
I went to new york last year and tried to contact him and was threatened off. I never even got to meet him.
He knows about me but doesn't want anything to do with me...he said that Iam not his Dad but that fella is...I kind of understand, he is 18 now and knows where I live and has my contact details, the balls in his court I suppose.
edit on 8-1-2014 by boymonkey74 because: (no reason given)




posted on Jan, 8 2014 @ 09:26 PM
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reply to post by boymonkey74
 

Sorry to hear that. I know it's got to be tough. I grew up without a dad and after all that I've been through with my own kid's moms, I can't help but wonder if all the bad things my mom told me about him were ever true at all. I guess that's why I'm so sensitive when I hear things like that.

I apologize for sticking my nose where it didn't belong.



posted on Jan, 8 2014 @ 09:35 PM
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reply to post by Bone75
 


No probs dude



posted on Jan, 9 2014 @ 12:38 AM
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reply to post by boymonkey74
 


I've been a single dad raising two girls for much of their life, only recently has this changed, so I hear all of you loud and clear. Even just people seeing me walking around with my two girls they seem to have had this look of me being some freak.

It took a very long time for even the mothers to get the idea of me going to the school every day to pick my girls up, and many times it was just some expectation that their mother was too lazy to be bothered, hence why I was there. Sports days were hell for me, as all the mothers would barge in first like you had no right to be there.

I remember quite a few years ago my youngest daughter, who was only about 3 at the time needed to go to the toilet. Naturally, as I just can't waltz into a female toilet, I took both my girls into the male toilets and told them to stand together in the cubicle while she went. When we emerged from the toilets, some random woman was staring at me rather intently. Then she launched into some tirade about me being evil taking two young girls into the men's toilets at their age and how disgusting it was, etc.

After a minute I just turned around and said "what would you rather? Me leave them out here on on the street so some psycho like you could abduct them?" Needless to say the conversation ended rather quickly, and I had a few approving smiles from people around me.

We have the same issue with our boxing and karate clubs. Only a female member or parent is allowed to take the children to the toilet due to some BS against men taking them. No one really understands why, but that is the rules they imposed, and for now it has to stay.

It's a pity Tenth's meme doesn't have the bottom script, as it hits the nail on the head regarding this issue.

It goes something like "if this were 40 year old men pining over 17 year old girls, someone would call the cops."

Sadly in this day and age it is not far from true.

edit on 9/1/2014 by 74Templar because: spelling



posted on Jan, 9 2014 @ 02:56 AM
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I've done quite a bit of voluntary work with young kids in the past. I used to take inner city London kids on week holidays to the countryside. It was always a bit of a mine field with extremely strict protection policies in place. They were intended to protect the volunteers just as much as the kids.

You had to avoid any physical contact, which isn't easy, when the kids want to hold your hand when they were scared or require some comfort or even breaking up fights, which was a regular occurrence, had to be done with as minimal contact as possible. In a way I was thankful of the policies. There has to be some guidelines, but, its just a shame the association men have when working with children.

The one thing these kids lacked in their lives was a positive male role model, it was so obvious. We were quite strict with the kids, but they seemed to appreciate it. For once someone actually cared how they were behaving enough to instil a bit of discipline.

More men need to step up to work with kids and ignore any stigma this crazy society creates.



posted on Jan, 9 2014 @ 08:09 AM
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My fellow primate, you are absolutely correct. And there are degrees of it. A man with his own children has an easier time of it than someone without. A 20 year old guy will have an easier go at it than a 40 year old guy. I guess its the same across the pond.

I grew up as an only child with a single mom (until i was 13, she remarried and had my sister). I kind of ran wild, and spent a lot of time around myriad old men in the area.

I've never worried too much, but I would never take either of my sons female friends home. That was the wifes job.



posted on Jan, 9 2014 @ 10:17 AM
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I'll tell you what happened to me when I was about 8 years old. Next door to us lived an older gentleman. My mom let me go over there all the time, because he seemed like such a nice, grandfatherly type. I would hang out, talk with him and sometimes play jacks with him. After a couple of months, he started hanging around his house without any clothes on, and he would invite me in as usual. We would play jacks, sit around and eat cookies - all with him being naked. One time, when we were playing jacks, one of the jacks was a little too close to his you-know-what. I hesitated to pick it up, and he said, "it's okay if you touch it."

It was at that point, that I really started to be uncomfortable, as nice as he was. I told my parents at that point. Back then, I don't think you could have had him arrested, as he didn't touch me in any way (although he did tell me I could take off my clothes too, if I wanted to). My father went over there and told him to move out IMMEDIATELY (he was renting the house), and if he ever saw the old guy in the neighborhood, he would beat the crap out of him. Needless to say, the old guy left the next day, and I never saw him again.

Consequently, I was always nervous about letting my daughter hang out with men when I wasn't around. Don't blame me - blame that old pervert...



posted on Jan, 9 2014 @ 10:25 AM
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reply to post by kaylaluv
 


My wife is adamant that an mother worth her salt won't let her daughter around grown men without the mom being around.

I do not think I disagree with her. Even uncles. That's who molested my mom when she was a kid, and it has affected her for her entire life.

On the flip side....I agree with boymonkey. It is a situation that sucks. It sucks bad. More than just with children. I feel like I have to personally be the man that is missing in this world, and I feel pressure from the half men that are rampant. You know the ones....they don't tend to their children (ignoring them), they can't commit to their woman, they can barely hold a job, they drink too much and act violently towards women....

Its why when you use that joke of, "I used to beat my wife all the time. Now when we play xbox I let her win sometimes", it grabs attention.

As an organism, we seem to be primed to categorize and paint with broad brushes.



posted on Jan, 9 2014 @ 10:47 AM
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reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan
 


Yes, I agree that it sucks. It sucks that good men sometimes get lumped in with the bad men. I don't think we should necessarily blame the women/moms though. I believe that men molesting children (or attempting to molest - as in my case) happens way more frequently than we even know. I don't think it's that rare of an occurrence, it just doesn't always get reported every time. I think most of the women who get so suspicious are women who either had personal experiences, or personally knew someone who had that experience. I don't agree with calling it misandry, because I don't think that is what it really is. I love men, I just don't leave them alone with my little girl. Nothing personal.



posted on Jan, 10 2014 @ 01:45 PM
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reply to post by kaylaluv
 


Had to say you are right about the sexual predation of woman and girls.

Incest and close relative pubescent molestation (crimes of proximity) are the most common. Most of the women I know have been either molested or raped (though both are rape, I meant one as more a violent violation by a stranger), and though I had a time of my life in marginal social realms, the women I met in academic and professional capacities were no different, either.

In fact, I've been the by-proxy victim of this phenomena by relationship difficulties stemming from ptsd due to this abuse. I, as a male, was also fiddled with when a toddler by a trusted baby sitter... if a hazy, disturbing memory is accurate, so pedophilia and molestation of older people sure seems rampant.

And it IS a fact that there are far more inappropriate and criminal men out there than woman, mostly by nature of their stronger sexual drive (more craze/frenzy than drive) and thus also social conditioning to be "a man.". The proportion of decent men to pigs isn't as high as it should be.

But it's far more open than it was and thus far more prevention, protection and consequences are available. It's only going to get better, but the decent men are just going to have to deal with the blow back and quit supporting any bad behavior by their friends. It isn't cute or just the way "guys are."

Too bad sex (though mostly power dysfunction in these cases rather than sex) can be so damaging.
edit on 1/10/2014 by Baddogma because: grammar i happened to catch



posted on Jan, 10 2014 @ 02:02 PM
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reply to post by Baddogma
 


While I agree that sexual abuse is very, very common...not arguing there. I will argue that women aren't as guilty as men in the whole mess. I like this guy's videos but here's an interesting one, at least in regard to American statistics in relation to women's roles in all this. Not necessarily sexual abuse(hard to know how many women rape) but general abuse with children.

I agree though that sexual abuse among women is very, very common. I would place it at around 25-40% if I were to honest guess. My experience has been about the same among women I've met. The studies out there where the researchers built trust among the women and spoke to them as opposed to sterile polls(which people lie to for some reason) showed around 40% as well.



I consider myself a feminist, but a realistic one. You can't have women's rights without men's rights as well. The state of things in America is dismal at best. The greatest threat to women is the treatment of boys and young men, no one seems to care though so now we have large numbers of #ed up men(due to prison, childrearing, no jobs or hope etc) and people with the mentality that men are just naturally aggressive and psychopathic sexual predators so it doesn't matter. I would argue that's not the case and there are genuinely good men out there who are neither abusive nor rapists. It begs the question why aren't they? The answer is in the way they were raised. Period. The females and males they had in their lives as roles models makes huge differences.

Either way to the OP, I say just continue being a good guy but be mindful people are assholes.



posted on Jan, 11 2014 @ 04:46 PM
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reply to post by OrphanApology
 


While I agree with what you're saying , etc. and know brief blurbs on the net are too frequently skimmed, especially my longer ones as I'm a convoluted, wordy bast&*d sometimes, I meant that there are the rare, infrequent anomalies where women are the predators... but I agree that it IS mostly men who harm this way... completely agree.

That is all.



posted on Jan, 11 2014 @ 05:01 PM
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reply to post by boymonkey74
 

Aww mate, it's almost exactly the same story as me.

I love kids, brings out the best in me. I love their imagination and almost limitless enthusiasm and energy.

My best mate has 2 young girls who adore me and always ask when I'm coming around to visit because I spend most of my time playing games with them and having fun (nothing at all sinister and creepy)

I too find that I can't look at kids because I am made to feel a weirdo for doing so.

I regulary deliver to schools as part of my job and find myself having to ignore the kids completely.

Once I was delivering to a school when I worked for Royal Mail and a little kid came up and started saying "hiya" and being generally friendly so I said "hiya" back, just as a teacher came flying out and belted the kid "I thought I told you not to talk to strangers"... which made me feel really bad all because I did the terrible crime of saying "hi"

I too wanted to be a primary school teacher but you're instantly branded a pedo before you even apply so I can no longer be bothered with the hassle... what a sad sad world.



posted on Jan, 11 2014 @ 05:12 PM
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reply to post by Baddogma
 





there are the rare, infrequent anomalies where women are the predators... but I agree that it IS mostly men


I cannot disagree enough with this statement!

If a man washes a young child's genitals, it is child abuse. If a women does it she is just bathing the child.

A frightened or upset child can crawl into bed with a women and no one cares but a man, oooh, that's bad.

A women filming children is good, it's just family video, but a man is always doing it for evil purposes.

I was at an abuse conference once. The lead speaker started in a big booming voice, "60% of physical abuse in the home is perpetrated by men! I asked a question! Who does the other 40%? It was a simple question that had me thrown out of the conference. All but one of the other males left with me in disgust!

Women are almost never suspected. Even if caught, they almost never go to jail, in fact, they are rarely prosecuted.

I could write pages and pages about how stats in this area are formulated. When you see a stat created by some research you need to look into how the stats were obtained. Many of the questions are just, 'Wow, Really!'

On one such research paper, the question was asked, "Has a man or boy ever touched your genitals?" A positive answer was attributed to child abuse. It did not matter if it was dad giving a bath or a game of doctors and nurses. Of course the question 'Have you ever touched a boy' was nowhere to be found.

I find the current situation in society to be abysmal, absolutely abysmal.

The vast majority of men are good, loving adults.

P



posted on Jan, 11 2014 @ 07:20 PM
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reply to post by pheonix358
 


Really? You might be totally correct woman being "that way" too, and I know woman CAN BE sexual predators ... but it's not statistically reported as often and my personal experiences suggest men are culturally and maybe physiologically more prone to act out sexually in inappropriate ways.

But hey, you might be right and it's more a fifty-fifty thing... that would do more to advance an equality agenda, but would also put healthy women in the same suspicion level as healthy-but-suspected men... which is good AND bad I guess... hmmm.

I have trouble with that high a percentage (if that's your meaning) of woman acting out like that, though... my own social conditioning, too small sample pool, skewed science and reporting because of the bias? Dunno...



posted on Jan, 11 2014 @ 11:27 PM
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reply to post by Baddogma
 


Let us look at some of the things that women are more likely to do to their children. These are 'accepted' by society and in my working life have been true. I am NOT saying that men don't damage children but take off the blinkers please.

1 Women are more likely to make false claims for husbands beating them, usually around divorce settlement time. They then get custody of the children and get handout after handout from the Government.

2 Women are more likely to put the father down in front of children, usually to support their above story or to make themselves seem to be the good guy. This severely damages the long term relation that children have with their fathers and in turn we have the sort of breakdowns that we are now seeing in society.

3 Children raised my single Mums are much more likely to be on welfare and children learn by example. Children often come out of this with an attitude of 'I don't need to work'.

4 Nothing negative happens to Mums that lie through custody battles, while Men will lose custody over a simple exaggeration.

5 No one complains when a women takes a 15 yo boy to bed but a man taking a 15 yo girl is going to jail.

All of these things cause huge psych damage to children. The damage is long term, in fact it is lifelong term. Women abusing children in anything other than physical is almost never reported and even if reported is hardly ever taken to court. In fact the previously mentioned 15 yo boy may find himself facing a rape charge as it is a very easy out for the woman, which is why these cases almost never proceed.

Please folks, take off the blinkers.

Women damage one hell of a lot of children and it is long term damage.

P

edit on 11/1/2014 by pheonix358 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 13 2014 @ 11:13 AM
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reply to post by pheonix358
 


Yeah, mother issues are rather rampant and women can be just as effed up as men, true.

I was focusing on sexual predation, though, and thought the stats support a higher percentage of males guilty of that particular life-long damage-inflicting act... that's all. A higher percentage, not ALL of it.

Correct behavior doesn't belong to women, alone... believe me, I know women are flawed, too... despite the impulse some men have to worship them, heh.



posted on Jan, 16 2014 @ 06:09 PM
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reply to post by boymonkey74
 


My thoughts?

I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but in all honesty your thread creeped me right out.

Don't know why exactly, can't put my finger on it, i'm sorry...but the whole tone of your OP seemed...well-off.

Not even sure what you're asking tbh...are you asking if it's ok for you to like children who are not your own kids?

Well, sure it is - up an obvious point of course.

You mention that you feel people might think you're a pedo, so that's the only reason i mention that, although i'm sure it's just me being overly protective being a proud Father of two wonderful and bright kids. If i thought someone was 'interested' in my kids in the wrong way, they'd seriously regret it. Parents are very cautious these days about that crap for very real reasons.

The whole thing just gave me kinda the shivers..you know?

Think nothing of it though, if your intentions are straight up (and of course, you know what your own intentions are don't you) you have nothing to worry about your fondness for cute children, as you put it. I would recommend against going up to a strangers kid and trying to strike up a tender conversation though, as if they are anything like me, you'd probably lose your teeth and your nuts pretty quickly!

lol.






edit on 16-1-2014 by MysterX because: typo



posted on Jan, 16 2014 @ 06:19 PM
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reply to post by MysterX
 


You kinda proved my point.
Off? in what way? Iam adult enough to say I love Kids, I don't want to touch them or anything I just like the likkle dudes for the reasons I have stated and think it is sad that people automatically think "pedo" when you say so.
Just like you have...sad very very sad.
Please point me in the direction where I was being "Off" or is this just a revenge post for the other thread where you were paranoid?.
edit on 16-1-2014 by boymonkey74 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 16 2014 @ 07:22 PM
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pheonix358
reply to post by Baddogma
 


Let us look at some of the things that women are more likely to do to their children. These are 'accepted' by society and in my working life have been true. I am NOT saying that men don't damage children but take off the blinkers please.

1 Women are more likely to make false claims for husbands beating them, usually around divorce settlement time. They then get custody of the children and get handout after handout from the Government.

2 Women are more likely to put the father down in front of children, usually to support their above story or to make themselves seem to be the good guy. This severely damages the long term relation that children have with their fathers and in turn we have the sort of breakdowns that we are now seeing in society.

3 Children raised my single Mums are much more likely to be on welfare and children learn by example. Children often come out of this with an attitude of 'I don't need to work'.

4 Nothing negative happens to Mums that lie through custody battles, while Men will lose custody over a simple exaggeration.

5 No one complains when a women takes a 15 yo boy to bed but a man taking a 15 yo girl is going to jail.

All of these things cause huge psych damage to children. The damage is long term, in fact it is lifelong term. Women abusing children in anything other than physical is almost never reported and even if reported is hardly ever taken to court. In fact the previously mentioned 15 yo boy may find himself facing a rape charge as it is a very easy out for the woman, which is why these cases almost never proceed.

Please folks, take off the blinkers.

Women damage one hell of a lot of children and it is long term damage.

P

edit on 11/1/2014 by pheonix358 because: (no reason given)


If i could give this post a 1000 stars i would. A massive


Unfortuantely, here in the UK the laws are so heavily against a male having anything to do with their children, let alone other children, it is absolutely disgusting. I speak with bitter experience of this demonisation of men. The women lie through their hind teeth and get sympathy. The man is treated like someone who shouldn`t be interfering in their offsprings life and if they want to try and be part of it after 2 years of courts, ignored court orders ect they are then subjected to the most invasive and biased investigation of their lives. It would make the NSA proud. Mean while the mother who has been placed under a mental health team has full custody and is denying contact. I could go on...and on, but i wont lol.

And brilliant thread boymonkey. Sometimes if i`m waiting at the till in, say tesco, and theres a toddler in the shopping trolley bored and they catch your eye and wave or smile i always just shrug ma shoulders and give a smile back. Nearly everytime the mother will spin her head round with a defensive stare, most of the time they just smile because they realise it was just an everday interaction and thats it, but sometimes, not very often, the mother will look round with a thousand daggers and then noticably move their trolley round so the child is firmly out of sight, (normally done by young single mums of the jeremy kyle is real life generation lol) then you have to wait in the queue feeling awkward as hell just for smiling at the kid?????

Brilliant thread BM and ignore the trolls




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