I love kids but why does society try to make me feel bad.

Iam a single bloke just shy of 40 and I love kids they brighten up my day when I see them run about playing and having fun they remind me of myself and bring out my inner child BUT society has made me feel like I should not look at them because If I do other people may think Iam a pedo.
I guess it is because I have never had a child (got one but never seen him nor knew about him till a few years back and the mother doesn't want me to know him).
There was a post on the funny pic thread here.



If you do not know it is from this heart warming video here.



Timely put up the pic then asked mods to take it down because he thought it may be seen as something bad, I understand why he thought this but I said no lets leave it for what it is a cute kid who made a funny face which has caught on not some paedophile video.
I understand parents have to keep their kids safe and I understand there are evil predators around but have we taken this fear so far that we can not enjoy kids for what they are and that is cutie pies who bring us all joy?.
I looked into becoming a primary school teacher but after talking to a few mates they said "It is a weird job for a fella" so I didn't go further but this is also causing a problem in our kids education, when I was at primary school we had about a 50/50 split with female and male teachers now they are only 8% and in an age where kids can grow up without Dads or a positive male role model this is harming our kids.
So any thoughts?

I hear ya. Here is Bill Burr with similar sentiments.

reply to post by CallYourBluff


Bang on he is, I still pull funny faces at kids and they laugh and giggle and the Mums give me funny looks, I wish people were not so scared.

reply to post by boymonkey74


I know exactly what you mean. It's perfectly normal to think a cat or dog is cute, but god forbid you're a male and say a kid is cute, because society somehow equates a man thinking a child is cute with having a sexual interest in it.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying being around children, and if you do, that's a good thing. People need to have more positive involvement in children's lives.

Hi mate. I feel it's society what has made people feel this way. I help out at a youthclub where the children are aged 5 to 12. And I love it!. Playing games with the kids and just being a big kid myself, As well as explaining things to them. I am seriously thinking to being a primary school classroom assistant at junior school level. There are not enough males doing the job. And I just want a career change and I know I would enjoy working with the younger children. I get the younger ones hugging me. It's a shame when you can't love children as they should be loved. I do have a 8 year old son to. So I don't tend to get any weird looks. But I can imagine if I had no kids some people might frown. Unfortunately that's how it is these days. Don't let it worry you and pull those funny faces!!!!

I mess with kids all the time. I only do it when out with my girl though as parents can be whacked these days.

My favorite trick is with crying children. WARNING this only works on strangers children. When they are crying in public place I walk over, look the kid straight in the face and in my best grown up voice I say "Wow is it really that bad, it must be tough to be you!

It shuts them up 98% of the time and parents are often amazed and grateful.

boymonkey74
I looked into becoming a primary school teacher but after talking to a few mates they said "It is a weird job for a fella"

Yes, this is absurd.
My father was a primary school head, and his friends were other village school heads in the same county. It was normal.
The problem is that if males are put off entering the profession the argument then becomes circular- "It must be unusual because nobody does it".

I can remember being home from college and getting involved in the school Christmas parties, including games like "squeak, piggy, squeak". There would be questions in Parliament if that was dicovered to be happening now.

reply to post by boymonkey74


Call it the war on men (seriously).

Feminists have managed to turn the notion of a man expressing any kind of tenderness or light heartedness with a child not his into a prelude for a sexual assault. As the father of 5, I see this all the time. Not too long ago I was at the grocery store I noticed a young girl obviously distressed and lost. I asked her for her name and if she was lost. Yes told me she was, and I then asked her for her hand and told her we would go to the service counter and look for her mom. When I was about 10 feet away from the service counter she saw her mom and her mom saw here. I let her hand go and she ran over to her mother.

I swear the look on her mother's face made me feel like I was John Wayne Gacy.

Misandry at it's finest my friend.

Men are demonized when it comes to interactions with children. It's a damn shame. Women on the other hand are celebrated every time one stops to say hi to my cute kids, but a Man of the same age?

Instead Men are treated like dirty little creeps for expressing an interest in the happiness of children.



The above is the best thing I can use to show you the difference.

~Tenth

Great to hear Iam not alone on this subject...any ATS ladies got a comment on this topic?.

While we are at it lets also talk about why being a Cougar is okay and even glamorized on TV? Especially as were it a show about older men seeking younger women it would be called "Dirty Old Men" or "Pervs".

reply to post by boymonkey74


Being female I can't sympathize with you the same..but I 100% hear you and agree it is a sad sign of the times.

In my kids primary school there is only 1 male teacher. My son wasn't interested in learning and I constantly had meetings with school who told me he lacked motivation etc and his school work was suffering and he was way behind. Then in his 4th year in school he had the male teacher. This was a complete turning point for my son! I honestly believe he needed the input of a male teacher to get him excited and engaged in learning. I believe that this male teacher understood him in a way that all the other female teachers couldn't.

By the end of that school year my son caught up and actually excelled beyond his classmates in some subjects. It was discovered that he was actually "gifted" in maths. I 100% believe it wasn't a coincidence and that he had needed input from a male teacher in this way.Although my son no longer has him for a teacher he plays football in a team this male teacher coaches and he continues to be a good influence for my son.

A more worrying experience...during the summer a male neighbour in his 50's from next door but one knocked on my door. He is disabled and barely leaves the house because it is too difficult so I was surprised to see him at the door. He basically wanted to know if I knew that one of my daughters had took to waving at him when he was sat at his window and sometimes had short conversations with him through the wind0w. I asked him if he would like me to have a word with her and ask her to stop. But he said no quite the contrary, that he actually enjoyed it and she always made him smile.
He said the only reason for dragging himself to my doorstep and having the conversation with me was because " you can't be too careful these days and people often misread into a situation"

It really saddened me that my neighbour felt he had to inform me and explain this innocent interaction between them. But then I was saddened more that he was indeed probably being wise in doing so.

A sign of the times when sick twisted individuals get away with abuse of children and decent men with nothing but innocent intent towards children feel like they have to justify and explain themselves!

You are all, to the man, obviously dangerous predators.

But sorta seriously, kids are frequently snotty, socially hopeless, emotional time bombs that also usually smell funny... and they have oodles of germs.

It's not too far off the mark to think any grown man has to have ulterior motives for wanting to be around them.

Now, seriously... this is a common phenomena that many adult men are affected by. I felt like I had a target on my back when a little girl tugged on my sleeve and chatted me up in line at a store the other day... I found myself being abrupt and dismissive simply because I didn't feel like being branded the local pedo. And yes, with broken homes there aren't many male role models to emulate. That potentially decent teachers are scared away is tragic.

However, pedophilia was a hidden danger that destroyed many lives and the fact it's in the open is only a good thing. People have to remember, though, that it is present in some females, too, and that most people are not wanting to fiddle with their five-year-old in that way.

It's just the usual over reaction of humans adjusting to new information and will pass with time... but the present lack of role models and transference of affection will leave some men and kids ...sad.

reply to post by Logos23

Hopefully you thanked him and allow the continued interaction. Right after you check the Megan's Law website....


JK

reply to post by Baddogma


That's a great point about female abusers, In my work we look after people with severe learning disabilities and I feel offended that a female support worker can take care of a male service users personal care (washing/bathing etc) but it is a big no no for a male to take care of a females personal care, it is like they have decided that we males who work there can not be trusted and we will abuse them. Trust me personal care is something I have to do not want to do but I still find it wrong that us male workers are painted already as possible abusers but not the women workers.
I do think us males are being treated badly at the moment, suspects of crimes even though most are decent human beings just wanting to help folk.

reply to post by Logos23


Great post Logos, glad to hear you and your daughter are bringing a little joy into the dudes heart .

I absolutely melt when I see men interacting with children. It is beautiful to see men interacting with little people - their minds are so fresh and open and they are sharing their love and being with you. Men are the other half of society. And far too many kids these days don't have a father or male role models. I can understand the pedo fears.

To SirMike - shame on that mother for not thanking you. It is every mother's worst fear to have someone steal their child. But then again I got much the same response when I found a five year old lost in the grocery store. Perhaps it's the fear in the mother that just shuts all else out.

When my daughter was just a toddler my hubby worked out of town for weeks on end and she idolized men. I remember dropping her off at daycare one day and one of the dads was dropping his daughter off and he was standing talking to someone else and my daughter went over and wrapped her arms around his legs and stared up at him as if he were the greatest thing on earth. And I knew she was missing her dad and I thought how wonderful of a moment it was. And he ignored her and just kind of shook her off his leg and carried on the conversation elsewhere. I thought her little heart had broken and I was so mad. Perhaps he was busy or deep in thought but I as a parent always feel that as a parent we should always be there for other people's children when they need us.

I think it's vital to children to have interaction from both parties and it's a terrible shame that men are picked on as much as they are that they can't be their real selves when around children.

Good for you all!

boymonkey74
Great to hear Iam not alone on this subject...any ATS ladies got a comment on this topic?.

I will.

It is a shame that we live in a society that one has to always assume the worst. In reality pedophiles are not as predominant as most would think.... but as a mother, you would hate to have your child suffer at the hands of one because you didn't watch closely enough, second guessed your judgement, etc. That's really what it boils down to I think.

I didn't really like ANYBODY.... male or female interacting (overly) with my child. I do understand the "cuteness factor" and some can not resist, but when one gets to where they want to physically touch your child, pick them up, etc. that is too far for anybody to go with a stranger's child IMO.

I don't think it is strange when men want to be teachers, and some of my daughter's favorite teachers so far have all been male.

In the end the fear of what is out there is what drives parents to assume there is a pedophile around every corner. Illogical or not, that's one hell of a slip up to have if you do let down your guard and it happens to your child. Most don't even look at you like YOU are a pedophile yourself.... they have just set the guard up and do not let it down for anything (most parents).

I would not take it personally. If you had a child, you would want to protect them from something so ugly and disgusting too. Some may be over protective, some may not be protective at all... there should be a middle ground in there somewhere.

As far as looking and smiling, maybe saying a hi? I don't see a problem with it. Again some do. You never know if they have a right to that extreme fear or not. You can only do you and back off if there is a problem with it.

You are not strange though. Lots of men do love children as much as some women do.

Yeah I get what you're saying.

I am always more comfortable around men who laugh at silly kid things and go aww at babies. Mainly because I have studied so many statistics and know that the majority of child molesters aren't random single men laughing at children's antics at the park but rather fathers, uncles, brothers, boyfriends, friends, and other close men to the children.

People have their priorities wrong as to where they should be looking to protect children.

Look at your family and close buds because that's where the majority of abusers are.

Either way the public sentiment isn't going to change anytime soon. The only way you can get away with enjoying watching kids as a guy is if you have a kid.

reply to post by boymonkey74

Awesome post dude! I'm glad somebody finally said it. There's no feeling in the world like when a kid's mom looks at you like you're some kind of sick pervert for showing an interest in her child. I love all kids... good kids, bad kids, fat kids, handicapped kids, black kids, orange kids, it doesn't matter. I've got 5, but I'd adopt 20 more if I could afford it. I just wish mine would stop growing!
With that said, there's something I think we really need to talk about...

I guess it is because I have never had a child (got one but never seen him nor knew about him till a few years back and the mother doesn't want me to know him).

Dude what the hell?! Do you really think you're doing this kid a favor by respecting his mother's wishes? F**K THAT B**CH! If she didn't think you were worthy of being a father, then she shouldn't have spread her legs for you in the first place. Nothing pisses me off more than a woman who thinks she has the right to tell a man to stay out of his kid's life.

Now I don't know anything about your situation, but I've learned through being there that the best way to deal with your problem is to just man up and go knock on her door. Leave all your fears at home and just go knock on the damn door. So what if you get your ass kicked and so what if she screams at you and tells you to leave or calls the cops. So what.

If you want to be in that kid's life, then you need to put yourself there. Plain and simple.