Is true love hard to find???

For what its worth, people often stymie themselves in relationships. Either they are too picky (every woman can't be a super model!) and don't give strangers a chance, alternately, they stay with someone too long - in effect settling (which takes them off the market), or they don't put themselves in situations to meet new people.

My best advice is to physically make a list of everything you want in an ideal partner (all in the positive). It should read like:
* taller than 5'7"
* college educated
* dark hair
*fastidious grooming
* wicked sense of humor
* loves to read
*loves dogs
*wants children
*high sense of honor
* loves the outdoors
* has detached earlobes
* weight more than me
etc. Put down every little thing that is important to you and leave off the things you really don't care about. Don't write anything in the negative, like not fat, not red-haired, not unemployed, no ugly feet, yada yada.

Put your list in a spot where you can read it at least once a day when your mind is quiet. Your night stand is a good location, because you can read it before bed. Now make sure you get out of your comfort zone and do things that put you in the path of new people. You can't meet anyone when you are sitting at home playing games on the computer! If you do the physical step of making an actual list, and you program your subconscious with it, you will attract perfect people for yourself. Guaranteed. If you just do it mentally, you will continue to get chaos.

reply to post by rimjaja


Detached earlobes?... Really, you care about earlobes that much?

Isn't the whole list thing a bit picky also.

I mean if I met a guy who had all the things on my list but another hair colour or 5'11 instead of 6' I might not mind that much.

reply to post by theabsolutetruth


Heck my list at the moment would be.

-Woman.

reply to post by theabsolutetruth

Isn't the whole list thing a bit picky also.

7 billion people and it's projected to rise by up to 16 billion within the end of the century.

I say if you want to be really picky then be really picky just be prepared to travel for it.

.02

reply to post by theabsolutetruth


the whole point about the list is that you are giving your subconscious concrete information on what you want. If you don't care what type of ear lobes a person has, then it won't make it on your list. I used that as an illustration of put down your must-haves. If you are a woman and you are 5'10, you might want your ideal mate to be taller than you. You might want them to be a lot taller than you. That is the point. If the difference between 5'11 and 6 feet isn't a bog deal, but 5'6 is a deal breaker - then you put it on your list. If you are 50 years old, you probably don't care if someone wants kids. Everyone's list is relative to what they intimately want at their core.

boymonkey74
reply to post by theabsolutetruth

 

Heck my list at the moment would be.

-Woman.

LOL, but see that is too vague and your subconscious can't work for you because you haven't given it a job. Law of Attraction in Action! Tell the universe WHAT you NEED so it can provide!

reply to post by Lucid Lunacy


For me, there are plenty of men that meet my ''list'' criteria, just if only they all came with a 'true personality' label clearly legible, from the start.

Potential partner is one thing but True Love is something a list can't show.

reply to post by rimjaja


Do you mean this akin to the Law of Attraction?

My only qualm with it is that it might make someone complacent to putting themselves out and making the changes directly. I don't think people, girl or guy, should expect happiness or love to find them (as was said in an earlier post). Surely being positive and putting positive energy out is a good thing and surely is attractive to the World, but it has to be balanced with putting on your walking shoes and making the strides yourself.

*Edit: hah. I posted this before I got a chance to read this

Law of Attraction in Action! Tell the universe WHAT you NEED so it can provide!

reply to post by rimjaja


I already know the physical things I require in a man, I tend to choose similar attributes, but the thing is that it takes more than that to really know someone. And for true love it has to be something greater than just physical or lifestyle things.

A young lady I dated not too long ago lamented that "Love is an addiction that you just cannot quench". I thought that was an interesting observation on her part.


Then she kicked me in the balls and I haven't seen her since.


Reality is a bitch.

reply to post by theabsolutetruth

For me, there are plenty of men than meet my ''list'' criteria

For me too. My criteria has evolved. More picky but less on the list The only requirements is be a nice person and be an honest person. I mean that more deeply not in a cliche way. Like be a person that believes in being compassionate and believes in goodness. Real honestly in my experience is so rare. Seems like most have convinced themselves they are honest when they are actually not all that honest. So I very much appreciate that quality in a person.

I used to have more 'requirements' on my list. Like no religious or republicans I thought fundamental religious and political positions should be on the same page for a good foundation… since changed my mind. They may conflict or the may not… just depends on communication and other relationship dynamics.

For looks. Sure I need to be attracted physically. It's not as simple as saying I am attracted to pretty people though. There have been plenty of instances where I have found someone attractive and my friends didn't. I think everyone for the most part has physical attraction as a requirement, but despite there being a culturally defined 'beauty' it ultimately is fairly unique to the individual.

just if only they all came with a 'true personality' label clearly legible, from the start.

During one of Chris Rock's stand ups he said we meet their [person your dating] representatives.

Whether they are being intentionally disingenuous or not I think it takes a good amount of time to really get to know someone. For the walls to drop, etc. I've always said at least a year as a general rule of thumb.

Potential partner is one thing but True Love is something a list can't show.

No argument from me. I've had 2 relationships and a bunch of flings. The only one I was truly deeply in love with was someone that was farthest apart from any list I would come up with. Actually that's not true… she met my current criteria of honest and nice. I just realized that haha! As for the alternative look and alternative interests and stuff that I think I am attracted to however she wouldn't meet. So it's interesting how it all works out with who you fall in love with. I agree finding a 'compatibile' partner may not be the way to find your true love. Tricky tricky. What can you do….but put yourself out their and be yourself and hope it happens.

reply to post by Lucid Lunacy


''Nice'' and ''honest'' is a good start, I would say those are also on my list.

I have dated a few guys that strayed from my list in the attraction dept. though I tried to pretend some things weren't an issue, they were, so I have learned from that.

I have also had some flings with younger guys that weren't in the right lifestyle for any sort of long term relationship, and an older guy, the same. I learned from that too.

Whilst I know the things on my ''list'' it probably isn't as much of a list as I would have compiled in my 20's.

I have ''settled'' a few times in long term relationships but always knowing they weren't ''the one''. I have also avoided relationships for a while after a few tries, I figured I had found a ''true love'' of sorts but life happens and I didn't pursue things.

I think if there is a True Love for me then he will find me or I will find him, either way, if something is meant to be it will be. I truly believe this.

I also believe this for those that really and truly want to have true love in their lives.

True love is hard to find. Because you can't look for it and you can't find it.
In my view, it just happens when it happens.

I think we don't have "soul mates" -- but that there are many people we could actually have a true love with -- but if we don't meet them, and aren't open to it, then we can't have it.

I had relationships. I had infatuations, "in love" episodes, intense "romantic" relationships and lusty romps...I had relationships where I really really liked the guy, and wanted them to be the one, but I didn't feel anything physically - even if they were attractive. Can't seem to force the romance/physical side just because you like everything else. And, if you don't have a friendship and some "likes" - I don't think a physical connection will sustain you.

I had a tumultuous relationship with what I would call the love of my life. We had a lot of problems, he had a lot of issues that he couldn't seem to work through...but I loved him, unconditionally. Sometimes I was so hurt by him, or so angry about his actions (addictions), but I loved and cared about him, knowing full well that I couldn't change him, rescue him, etc. He was killed in an accident. I've never felt that kind of love again. Sometimes I start to slip and think we get "one" - but then I realize that isn't true, and I need to stay open. But I am not anxiously "looking for someone" or "looking for the one." I am just being me and need to just be more open to possibilities.

I "fell in love" the instant our eyes met the first time we met. I "knew" he was my love the moment time actually stood still when I touched his hand when he had fallen over laughing about something. I was certain, even after I would not let him return to the house when his addictions took over, that I loved him unconditionally, even though I could not live with him at the time.

So, all to say, be the best you that you can be. Be happy. Be who you are, and strive to be an even better version of that - not for someone else, but for you.

True love isn't about you. It's about two people.

Good luck!

Galadriel
True love is hard to find. Because you can't look for it and you can't find it.
In my view, it just happens when it happens.

I think we don't have "soul mates" -- but that there are many people we could actually have a true love with -- but if we don't meet them, and aren't open to it, then we can't have it.

I had relationships. I had infatuations, "in love" episodes, intense "romantic" relationships and lusty romps...I had relationships where I really really liked the guy, and wanted them to be the one, but I didn't feel anything physically - even if they were attractive. Can't seem to force the romance/physical side just because you like everything else. And, if you don't have a friendship and some "likes" - I don't think a physical connection will sustain you.

I had a tumultuous relationship with what I would call the love of my life. We had a lot of problems, he had a lot of issues that he couldn't seem to work through...but I loved him, unconditionally. Sometimes I was so hurt by him, or so angry about his actions (addictions), but I loved and cared about him, knowing full well that I couldn't change him, rescue him, etc. He was killed in an accident. I've never felt that kind of love again. Sometimes I start to slip and think we get "one" - but then I realize that isn't true, and I need to stay open. But I am not anxiously "looking for someone" or "looking for the one." I am just being me and need to just be more open to possibilities.

I "fell in love" the instant our eyes met the first time we met. I "knew" he was my love the moment time actually stood still when I touched his hand when he had fallen over laughing about something. I was certain, even after I would not let him return to the house when his addictions took over, that I loved him unconditionally, even though I could not live with him at the time.

So, all to say, be the best you that you can be. Be happy. Be who you are, and strive to be an even better version of that - not for someone else, but for you.

True love isn't about you. It's about two people.

Good luck!

If only I could find someone like you!

I like women that are curvy, busty, and bleach blonde. My last gf was like that but she had MAJOR anger problems, so we broke up. I couldn't handle her bs. It was stupid. But wow she was sexy

I believe we all have several potential soulmates.

Some people are overly complicating my list, or making it all about physical traits. That is so not the point of the exercise.

The secret behind the Law of Attraction is Action. If you dream every day of winning the lottery, it is all for naught unless you buy a ticket (or two, or three). The same thing goes when you want that special person in your life.

If you really want to find someone who shares your passion for gourmet meals, or foreign travel, or hiking in the woods -- it needs to go on your list. You might not have a single physical trait on your list. That is up to you. Your subconscious and the universe responds to a specific directions. If you don't know what you want, don't complain on what you get.

rimjaja
I believe we all have several potential soulmates.

Some people are overly complicating my list, or making it all about physical traits. That is so not the point of the exercise.

The secret behind the Law of Attraction is Action. If you dream every day of winning the lottery, it is all for naught unless you buy a ticket (or two, or three). The same thing goes when you want that special person in your life.

If you really want to find someone who shares your passion for gourmet meals, or foreign travel, or hiking in the woods -- it needs to go on your list. You might not have a single physical trait on your list. That is up to you. Your subconscious and the universe responds to a specific directions. If you don't know what you want, don't complain on what you get.

do you think you have as good of a chance or better at getting something by doing something than you do by not doing anything and waiting, hoping and imagining that it will somehow fall into your lap? I wonder if there's a better approach. I find that doing anything doesn't guarantee results. Same with not doing anything.

I think some people find true love. I think for others, it's quite hard, and they don't find it, so, they end up settling. When you encounter true love, there will be no question about it; It's very powerful. I'd been with lots of women, but I encountered one that electrified all the atoms in my body,-for lack of better term. I was 27 when I met her. She was 19. We've been together for 15 years and have three kids. That doesn't mean that she can't get on my nerves, though! lol

The truth is, only time will tell if you are a finder, or a settler. Either way, hopefully, you'll have somebody to watch The Walking Dead with.