Is true love hard to find???

Here's what I'm like. I'm an average looking guy. And I'm a nice guy. And normal for the most part. I think I'm pretty smart and wise for someone my age. But for the life of me I can't seem to find true love. Oh sure I date girls, tons. that's nothing. But trying to find true love has always been a challenge. I pretty much gave up trying a long time ago already. But sometimes in the back of my mind I still wonder if I'd get to experience true love before my time in this world is up. I know it's a bit of a catch 22 though, as love is a double edge sward. It can make you and it can break you. So if the person leaves for some reason then you could wind up with a broken heart. So it's risky too. But I think I wouldn't mind trying it. I had strong feelings for one of my last GF's but by the time we broke up the feelings were gone because there were too many problems. I tend to try some dating sites and things like that, but it's pretty rare for any real feelings to develop for anyone. Anyway I just thought I'd say a few things about this and see what anyone has to say about it. Just strange for me because I'm 39 now and I've never had an authentic loving relationship. Oh sure, tons of relationships, but never really one where I was genuinely in love. Mostly just "in like". Ahhhh kinda bites. Kinda one of the only goals I've never had a chance to actually experience in life.

But ya why is love so hard to find?

reply to post by spartacus699


I do not think you find love.

It finds you.

TerryMcGuire
reply to post by spartacus699

 

I do not think you find love.

It finds you.

why do you think that?

reply to post by spartacus699


Unconditional love can be found through family and pets. I believe this is the closest to 'true love' that I have been able to establish. Not to be confused with desire that is propagated through behavioral programming on the society.
If something loves you and vice versa the truth should never be a problem.
As someone once told me and I like it, "everything looks like a nail when you have a hammer in your hand". I think this means that looking for love is not the way to find it. That is my interpretation anyway.

reply to post by spartacus699


There's a saying that's true IMO:

'When you like someone, you like them for all their good things'
When you love someone, you like them for their good AND bad'

If someone starts to try to change you or you them, it won't never work.
One or the other will eventually get bitter and resentful

My husband and I have been together for nearly 28 years and no, I can't say it was 'love at first sight'
Oh yeah, we liked and were attracted to each other
But with time, comes bonding---emotionally/physically ---trust is key as well

We work, play, eat, sleep together 24/7 -- year round
There are rough spots like with any relationship, where we butt heads & disagree with one another
But for us, there's never enough discord to end what we have
We just get over it and go on

Long story short, through the years our love has gotten stronger
And it's no easy chore, believe you me.
Love is a lot of work, but worth every minute of it [at least for me]

I will be lost when the day comes that something happens to him



Never give up
Never change who you are.....be yourself
One day, you'll meet her and you'll know

hope you dress nice and blow alot of money on bullshi7 if you dont you are not going to find your next ex

No. I've found it many times.

reply to post by 999zxcv


thats not love

It doesnt exist. You can never know what is on anothers mind. Simply enjoy every moment you can with who you can and leave the fairy tales to little girls

Be happy and enjoy being single and i promise someone will come along and fook it up for ya

Define "true love".

reply to post by spartacus699

Here's what I'm like. I'm an average looking guy. And I'm a nice guy. And normal for the most part. I think I'm pretty smart and wise for someone my age. But for the life of me I can't seem to find true love. Oh sure I date girls, tons. that's nothing.

I'm in the same boat, but unlike you I don't really date much so the problem is on me

Sounds like you have a good approach despite being unlucky so far. So many seem to settle for something less than really being in love.

It just astounds me how often I hear from people (whom rushed into a committed relationship imo) say it's their "soul mate". Apparently destiny is so kind as to make sure everyone's soul mate is born in their town!! lol

Nah man I think you're doing exactly what should be doing. Putting yourself out there and waiting to really be in love before you commit. If lightning hasn't struck this just means you need to fish a different pond. Maybe take up a new hobby or perhaps literally a new town…

Hopefully you worked out most of your kinks. I was madly in love with a girl once and I blew the relationship of 6 years. Work on yourself and love yourself and all that jazz first before you can expect to part of a co-independent happy relationship.

reply to post by spartacus699

I think I'm pretty smart and wise

And there is one of your problems!
Forget about how cool you are and you might stand a chance.
Until then all you are to women is a D-bag.
When you stop looking, you will find what you seek.

True love in my opinion is a deep deep love that transcends the physical.

I have had a lot of relationships, in lust, loving but perhaps not in love, and in love. Even being in a relationship where there was love, but I was in love with another man.

I strive for faithfulness in relationships and 99% if in a committed relationship, I am. That hasn't prevented loving relationships ending because I fell in love with another. There are a few loving relationships from my past where I will always have a deep bond with these men, regardless if not in love with them anymore. There are a few that the 'falling in love with another' in hindsight probably wasn't being in love, and some almost inexplicable and they never matched the love that was in the first relationship. I see these sort of flippant decisions as relationship learning experiences of my 20's.

I believe people cannot own others and cannot command their feelings. I have started relationships that started out good but rapidly declined because of various factors yet the guy kept on demanding my feelings which widened the gap more until it ended.

I have had friendships that developed in to deeper loving relationships but it wasn't the same as being in love.

Being in love is when you see the person and there is such depth of emotion, if the love is reciprocated, it is the most deep, natural bond like knowing them forever in some sort of eternal relationship.

Unless love at first sight, which for most is rare, most relationships start with getting to know a person and love growing from that into a truer deeper love.

In my experience, certain things are expected, such as basic things like manners, appropriate behaviour, hygiene, wearing appropriate clothing for the occasion (doesn't need to be the best clothes / designer etc), very importantly there has to physical, emotional and intellectual compatibility, as well as compatibility of personalities.

Also as people grow and mature their relationship requirements evolve. When people have children their relationship requirements also evolve. The impractical fun guy the carefree attitude might not be so appropriate anymore. The hot guy with commitment issues again isn't so appropriate. People evolve, emotions evolve, relationships evolve.

I think it's rare. I think what I consider true love is rare. I have only seen a few instances of it.

Here's Dracula's take on true love. (Fast-Forward to 1:30)

www.youtube.com...

999zxcv

jarrodpace
No. I've found it many times.

snip

boo yaa?

reply to post by spartacus699


Because people are unstable. Maybe 20% of the population is truly stable, with the rest having varying degrees of histrionic symptoms. In short: most folks display varying degrees of borderline traits.

This causes conflict, and makes it difficult for people to get along. The worse the symptoms, the worse the interactions can be.

Beyond that, there are any number of other factors that drive incompatibility. If you have been through a lot of relationships and can't find the right one....you might want to look internally for the issue. It may be surmountable, it might not. But if you can identify any personality flaws in life, it always helps to work on remedy.

reply to post by spartacus699

Is true love hard to find???

It helps to mingle and interact with real people. The interwebs doesn't qualify....