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Ok, some basics (I too have had trouble making friends because I grew up in the military where we moved every 2 years and I had to learn how to make lasting friends at an older age)
Shower daily. Fix your hair into a decent style daily. Wear at least minimal makeup daily. Keep your nails short and clean. Brush your teeth daily. (People notice these things I have learned)
Pay attention to fashion. You do not have to be super fashionable, just notice what type of jeans most wear and what type of shirt most wear (keep them clean and hole free) and change your outfits daily. Rotate your wardrobe. Wear the types of shoes (clean and hole free) that most of the people around you wear. I learned a lot of this at a job in my 20s, people unfortunately do care and judge you on these things.
Needy behavior is repellant. Only initiate contact with someone who has not initiated with you no more than once a week for 2 weeks, if they do not respond, wait 2 weeks, if they still do not respond, then forget them. If someone contacts you, get back to them in an appropriate amount of time depending on what they say. For immediate invites, respond immediately. For non urgent matters wait a few hours or even a day or so to reply, this is so you do not seem needy.
Do not ask favors of people you barely know. Do not act upset when someone turns down a request for contact, they may be genuinely busy, you getting upset where they see it or hear it in your voice is needy behavior. Be cheerful and say - that is ok I understand when turned down.
I have some friends I had to cut off because of their constant needy behavior which was driving my family crazy. They constantly expected me to drop what I was doing and be with them or do for them, or they would pout or be fussy.
Do ask people to do things with you and go places with you, then wait for them to ask you, after that you should ask them again. Do not keep asking for contact if the person does not return the favor. Friendship that builds is a back and forth pathway that builds slowly if it is to be solid.
Be kind, help when asked cheerfully, be generous (but not overly generous). Be thoughful, remember and ask about ill relatives, a worry over a test, a worry over a car etc. (make notes if you have to in order to remind yourself until you get the hang of it) Talk as little about yourself as possible, unless asked, ask the other person questions about themselves and be genuinely interested and remember what they say and respond to what they say, but not about yourself or what you know, just an oh, ahh, I see, oh how awful, what else happened etc.
Print this out and post it in your closet for daily review.
reply to post by wutdouthink
They probably get the idea that you won't do the horizontal bouncing poke dance with them...edit on 31-12-2013 by reject because: (no reason given)