Online Dating and Texting

reply to post by Komodo


Komodo? I have a secret admirer? Well ! Are you serious?

I want to mention that the texting tips that I linked at the beginning of this thread, especially "How to text message someone you like" really offer practical texting advice that has allowed me to fumble into socializing through text messaging (when I grew up, socializing was done by meeting at someone's house. So much different.).

Texting has problems like the following:

1) Getting no response back
2) Someone texts you and interrupts your day (even worse if they start a conversation)

^ Both are results of *always* being in contact with EVERYONE instead of having set times to meet up with them (which is the way it used to be).

Other results of texting:

3) There is no set time period for the conversation to begin, middle, and end - there are no props or contexts for the conversation, like a meal or anything of the sort -

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reply to post by KeliOnyx


Yeah. Girls must be psychic, too! I sat down to play my Xbox 360 and all kinds of text messages started rolling in lol

reply to post by darkbake


Find a hobby and get involved. Forget this whole texting thing unless you are really into texting. If you aren't into texting, do you really want a girl who wants to text all the time? I could see that working for the teenage kid I sorta of "adopted" but not for you.

Playing the dating "game" sucks. It shouldn't be a game unless you are enjoy the game. With the guy I dated before I met my soul mate, it seemed to be all about "the rules" I was stressing on things like how long to wait before I called him it was a hassle and honestly i dreaded the whole thing I found my self trying to figure it out how to break it off because the whole "Well I called last time, so it was your turn to call," thing was too dang stressful do to that person being into the "dating rules." Besides as girl gamer it seriously put a crimp into my gaming time.
Enter my soulmate. I would get home from a date only to be so much more relaxed hanging out online with my gaming friends. One day the guy flaked on me and I took it as the perfect opportunity to end it.
Over the course of the next year I realized that one of my gaming friends was THE ONE. No games no stress aside from being to scared to tell the person how I felt, delaying the relationship by months.

So... my point of my story is find a hobby and make female friends that are interested in the same things you are. Dating should be natural and easy when you meet the right girl, no silly games, no stupid texting rules. If you don't like, or aren't any good at texting, say so up front, it will eliminate the girls you want to weed out anyways.Use the medium that you feel more comfortable with, it will be more comfortable for the girl that is right for you too.
And if you are a gamer, my hubby and I highly advocate finding a girl that likes to game as well. I have a friend who married a gamer, but she isn't one, and she is always hiding the cords because she hates he spending all his times on games. A girl who games gets it.

There should be a law against texting and dating. Too many expectations, if you forget to bring home the milk, there is no excuse that it slipped your mind. Sorry honey, my battery is dead..."Let me check your phone to verify that". We are going to lose all of our excuses.

reply to post by darkbake


Wow dude! In general this our modern society puts out two types of people. You say your 28 years old, so I suppose it would depend on you social outlook and were and how you grew up. Generally were not that far apart in mortal lifespans yet world apart in social upbringings it would seem from what I gathered of your type patterns and predisposed thought patterns. I have noticed that the younger generation pretty much encodes and decodes all social aspects by text, convenient no doubt, but like everything it would have a down to its up. Of which you do not need to know as it will trip you up if you did, but in the end it will get you, the lesser of two evils when choices are derived of twos.

Yet its the thing to do, I know some younger kids, and even my age and pretty much everything is done and communicated through there smartphones, now a days its pretty much essential in some walks of life in this society, most especially for females. And the wise fish does not swim against the rivers tide. Unless there salmon, then they kind of have no choice but to follow old outdated protocols. If humans were like fish then the salmon like amongst us would have gone extinct long ago. And that is what happened. And so continue on, because to judge this by any thing other by what it is would be outdated and not apply. And yet each generation will wonder about the one after it, and why it is there doing all wrong...It's been like that every singe generation in the history of this planet. And yet here we all are.

Thanks to tips in this forum I have a date tomorrow and I'm going to cook her dinner and show her some guitar tunes. And funny story - she said she was worried about her looks, sent me a picture, and not only could she be a model,

I told her the following: "You look amazing! My first thought was that you might actually fit in with mathematical algorithms of beauty."

That's what too much book knowledge does, eh?

You actually said that.

If I were female I would ask you to follow up on that order and to send me those calculations for revision purposes, and how it is exactly that you have reached them. And I would probably kick you in the nuts for wasting my bandwidth with your what is obvious silly mundane and just plain cheesy attempt when you dont provide them. And then I would ask you what the hell is it that you want, because I am busy watching the paint dry....Nah just joking dude, I would not be in the situation to begin with.

However I am not female, So cool stuff, she probably would eat it up, seems you dont need advice. Carry on and such.

darkbake
reply to post by Rainbowresidue

 

Oh wait... now we are texting and she has decided that I would be a good gay friend for her.

Haa, your definitely way to feminine for your own good dude. We definitely need to man yo ass up.

You know get in touch with your inner asshole. And definable forget all those things you mom or girls have told you. Here is a major secret about the fairer sex, they generally say one thing and even think one thing, while doing the opposite, in fact they can even scream it from a mountain top for a thousand years and the results would like be of opposites. A definable trait in being female no doubt. But I think all males or at least most males learn in middle school to not listen to well to there gal friends concerning some things, in one ear and out the other. A survival trait most males pick up when young, else they would be forever convoluted to much nonesense.

And what the hell is that #. You would make a good gay friend for her? What kind of idiots you dating here bro...Did you tell her to # off with her stupid comments...Actually never mind, dont do that, she may start being more attracted to you more. I mean do you really want to be attached to what sounds like a moron. I thought not, just let the whole thing slide, other fish in the sea and all that junk.

reply to post by darkbake


The majority of rules are made so to be tripped over. Generally and especially in business like government rules are made by others so other would trip over them. You may want to forget all that crap, because that's what it is. Just much ado about nothing.

You may also not want to listen to listen all that well to your business teacher or whatever. And start listening to Mike Tyson more, and as he once said..."Everybody has got a plan till they get punched in the face" Wise words no doubt, and some good business advice there. If you cant roll with the punches then your out the game before you started.

But then again hey dont listen to me, its generally against my religion to get involved in human affairs. blah!

reply to post by havok

love hearing advice from women that sounds like this but I hate when it's called a game.

Nah dude she is right. In there minds it is exactly that, because in there minds especially the younger generation and especially females there is no distinguishing between the two. If you remove the aspect of "play" which is synonymous with "game" what do you get? The answer is you get a dead end.

The whole thing through hundreds of thousands of years has evolved along those ends and toward those ends, even if you wanted to you would not be able to remove or change it. Not any time this century or the next that's for sure, and for the majority of females it would not only be impossible, but it would not be a good idea as it is practically ingrained into everything and every mating ritual, or any ritual you would see out there. It is practically how the mind can operate and still stay sane among such a cesspool of constant arbitrary mixed signals.

You need to Find the women that still like to talk over the phone, You still have to text some what because thats how the game is played now days. But there are still some women out there who like talking over the phone. And you mgiht surprise them with "hey I am a guy that actually likes talking over th ephoe now days
. But you need to still have some type of "game" or be able to intersting on some level.

reply to post by American-philosopher


I would not worry about the op, he will do fine. Its only a matter of time, generally people like him eventually get with girls like that, thought the whole thing is kind of pointless and everybody goes through there own little drama till eventually they find out that what they thought they wanted they dont want at all, and then they zig zag on back, females most especially.

But by then who knows what will happen or if anybody would care anymore, but pretty much this thing is cemented in stone in many ways and everybody just goes through the motions. It would be best and optimal if they would skip a whole of those motions, and just get straight through and on with it, however a greater part of it is based on exactly that. You don't know what you have, till you dont have it any more. As one Shakespeare would say, another magical bizarre tale in life full of sound and furry, signifying nothing. Life is filled with such tales.

darkbake
reply to post by Rainbowresidue

 

Oh wait... now we are texting and she has decided that I would be a good gay friend for her.

Okay.......that's it. I've had about enough of this. I've read your posts in the past on this forum and read through this one. You need to find a site or dating service that really gets analytical about the type of person you are.

From how your mother treated you, how you got along with your father, how you interacted with kids at school, which cliques you were in, whether you felt comfortable with that place you were in, how that carried over into your adult life, if you were comfortable with that, if not, why, if so, why, how you looked at yourself through all this and IF you did that. Finish it all up by standing in front of a full length mirror buck naked and ask yourself "What type of woman would want to f... this"? Be so honest with it all that it makes you feel uncomfortable because if you go the full Monty with it all, you WILL feel uncomfortable. Why? Because you haven't found anyone yet who you can feel comfortable with, and vice versa.

I'm a believer that there is someone for everyone in this world so, going from that perspective, I'd have to say you're going about all this the wrong way. You're 28, still dating, and the last one you were on told you that you would be a good "gay friend"? This isn't the first time you said something like this in this forum. On top of all that, you didn't seem to take that remark seriously. As an active hetrosexual I would take offense at what she said. Big time.

I have a hard time believing that you're honest with yourself. I also have a hard time believing that your perception of yourself is an honest one, therefore, your perception of yourself that you look at when you ARE being honest with yourself is skewed from the beginning. I'm not saying this to be mean, but you really seem to need to take some time off and get to know YOU before you have any chance of knowing anyone else.

You seem like a nice enough guy, so I do wish you the best.

galadofwarthethird

But then again hey dont listen to me, its generally against my religion to get involved in human affairs. blah!

Makes sense.

www.abajournal.com...

reply to post by DeepImpactX

Gardner sees the self-service trend as a reflection of changes in society. “When I was a kid, service station attendants pumped your gas,” he writes at the Faculty Lounge. “Bank tellers processed your withdrawals and handed you your money. Shoe salesmen put shoes on your feet and tied the laces. Purchases were made in stores, and every sale was rung up by a cashier.”

Today, shopping and information-gathering is done online without human contact, Gardner observes.

Oh my goodness... I hope I never sound like that... is anyone else hearing the "When I Was a kid, we didn't get rides, I walked to and from school in 2 feet of snow uphill both ways" speech?

But he does have a point, that is a major change. Honestly, besides going to work, people could get along without any real social contact these days - and I half suspect that a lot of people do get along without deep social connections in real life -

Definitely a change that could effect dating, where the expectations of being in physical proximity of your significant other clash with the current culture of distance, just as the expectations of being emotionally close clash with the current culture of acquaintances.

I keep on thinking of the Age of Aquarius - which is an air sign, not water sign, by the way - and how it seems to be affecting time flow - these days, time flows in so many different directions.

darkbake

Oh my goodness... I hope I never sound like that... is anyone else hearing the "When I Was a kid, we didn't get rides, I walked to and from school in 2 feet of snow uphill both ways" speech?

But he does have a point, that is a major change. Honestly, besides going to work, people could get along without any real social contact these days - and I half suspect that a lot of people do get along without deep social connections in real life -

I don't think that is so much the case when it comes to the world of dating. Because really online dating makes things a bit easier. After your teens and early 20's where do you really go that you meet people? Usually no where. Now texting and facebooking you get into a bit murkier water, where you are physically interacting less with someone. The way things work in my current relationship is heavily technology dependent because his job is three weeks on the road and two home. But in those two weeks outside of when I go to work we are usually spending quality time together. just remember the technology is a tool and not a replacement.

reply to post by DeepImpactX

Nah just an old foggie who seems to have forgotten or only remembered the choice parts of his youth. Generally things are not all that different and were they are different none of you would even notice and not especially mister I have an opinion so I blogged about it then complained about bloggers and general internet malarkey which is messing up human interaction.

If you were able to see this from afar you would see that everything is pretty much set in its paces and guided on strings, and the old adage of birds of a feather is true. You may not think so, but lets just put it this way. On a mental level, and on a energy level its all pretty much cut and dry, everybody does not have many choices, they merely have the choices presented to them in there general pool of choices. And humans you may think would be compatible with generally any other human but in that is the crux and ultimately and if you would look you would see that in subtle ways nobody and I mean nobody in the whole history of the world have ever much deviated from the main line of there predestined pool of choices. Literally birds of a feather, though more of a mental and social aspect more so then a physical aspect.

reply to post by DeepImpactX

Ah dude no one perceives themselfs in a right way. Such a thing does not exist. All perception is merely that, a general outlook its not true, and definitely not real. And nobody is honest with themself, the only thing that matters in this mating game is general outlook perception. If anything the OP is merely confusing the poor soods hes trying to get with. In general human females go for what they can understand, and what they understand they can work with and control and the game can begin.

What they dont understand and what they cant comprehend and what they cant control or does not fit into there preconceived world and notion they stay away from. If you look there are plenty of hot chicks who go out with really average guys, its been like that for all of history, in fact so much so that humanity has breed itself into a sort of mediocrity, and fear is the primary guide when it comes to human mating and courtship rituals. Of which the whole love thing is an after effect, merely a convenience, if it were not so then the whole love thing would fly out the window and fast. Look around you everybody you see walking around on a fundamental level everyone and everything is the way it is because for the majority it was the path females over generation choose to take, and despite what them feminists say.

And the op? He seems to be a bizarre mix of a bunch of contradictions, clearly a product of to much influence and rearing of the gentler gender. But who know, you would have to ask the OP.


As for the whole exasperation of the who thing. I could probably tell you what it is, in fact I can tell you when it will all go extinct. But none of it matters much anyways. They say the path to hell is paved with good intentions, well lets just call this the continuous echoes of good intentions which will reverberate down throw the ages for a long time to come.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


OK OK I realized that makes little sense I suppose I would have to do a bit of explaining. As I really dont want to write a book. I suppose I will have to cram this a little. Or a lot.

OK dudes, lets say a woman has a son, and she wants to raise him in the way she see fit in accordance with her peculiar views and experiences. So in typical female fashion she raises him the way she sees best as to avoid any pitfalls she has had to go through, you know turn him into a real down to earth and good man. And again in typical fashion she neglects to add into that equation a whole bunch of variables, to much to put into this thread really. But primarily in everything there are discrepancies, at first there neglectable but as time passes those little discrepancies become grand canyons.

OK so lets say a woman raises her son to be a complete gentlemen to women and go for certain cues in women which she thinks best, to raise a real good kid which will turn into a good man and treat women right. But and here is the kicker! AH! She herself is under the illusion that everything will at one point in time change, when in reality everything and nothing changes but the here and now, and there is no such thing as latter or at some future date, that is merely a convenient way of saying never, and if you have to change others but cant change yourself then its doomed to fail. So basically what I am saying is she herself has never gone for those types of men she is trying to make her son into, in fact if she were in a crowd of thousands of them like a heat seeking missile she will go for opposite of them in flash and without a thought, instinctualy. And so what she is installing in her offspring is merely a false dichotomy.

So what would be the logical conclusion of that?

Lets say that even the kids dad is the complete opposite of what she is installing in her kid to be like. And generally in such things the apple does not fall far from the tree and the kid would pick up a bit from mom and dad and things would balance anyways, that and there are genetic traits and data even susceptibilities which will be passed down regardless. And nature will find a way and things would move on. Ah! but one of the worse conclusion is if she the mom actually succeeds in turning her little experiment into that which she deems desirable and to extremes. Basically the kid eats up every word and tries to be like mommy says. And like a good kid this child grows up and takes everything to heart and becomes the perfect gentlemen as seen fit.

Its not likely to happen, but it does happen from time to time. But what do you think this kid would be like when he grows up and goes out into the real world? Will everything be honky dory, cheese and roses. No only would this kid have a whole bunch of ideas stuck into his head based on false logic, but worse. The echoes of good intentions, if he is lucky when he hits his teens all of that would fall to the wayside and he will find out its all bunk, and things will find a medium. Which in such cases is the general output. But if its not! Well one of the worse outcomes is if he would actually believe with all his being in all that he has been thought, and so when he grows up. You can guess what kind of women he will be attracted to, women like mom was or like she has installed into him that are the right way. And seeing as the only time and place were mom actually went for a guy like she raised her son to be, was in her head...Well there will likely be some problems.

And so the kid will be drawn to certain females, so what happens when he meets somebody like his mom or like its been installed into him to go for? Which is a highly probable outcome by now. Will they skip into the sunset hand in hand all happily? The answer is no, because everything he believes and was raised to believe is a false dichotomy, one which even females who may be able to make themselfs believe they could follow, but in now way would they actually do that or would even be capable of that, and there whole life is proof of that. And so the kid is attracted to certain types of females and lets say he finds one. It may go well for a while, but chances are all those looked over variables will creep up and the whole thing will go south.

The chances are just as great if not greater that this kid will probably be taken for a ride, and as soon as he becomes an inconvenience or somebody else comes into the picture poor fool will not only be drooped like a bad habit but taken for everything he has. And then if he is lucky he will become bitter and come to sites like this complaining how women are evil and such, and if he is not lucky he will just end up in a ditch somewhere or in the system or just blow his brains out now that his whole world that he thought existed turned out to be just a deck of cards. In all it generally leads to a self spiral and falling out which eventually leads to the same end. And that is generally the outcome of such people, thought there in the 1% and things mellow and find a medium long before it gets to that stage.

Lets just say that females have this uncanny ability to believe there own bull# unconditionally. Generally males do not because they eventually get called out on it, but females are generally more pampered and in social circles especially in the mating game its there call and dudes would just nod there head to whatever it is there saying as long as they go along. And that is the general consensus among such thing, and ultimately I think the optimal outcome considering what you have to work with. But in general believing one thing and doing one thing. Well! That is a completely different thing, they are in fact worlds apart. And its all nice and dandy...As long as those worlds dont collide and people dont have to test out there theories things are good. But when they do have to test them out, and when things are to extremes opposites and worse when they actually believe there own bull#, oh the whole thing, and the whole love thing, fly's out a window fast. And so concludes that little story but its reverberations would echo on downward for a long time to come.

reply to post by darkbake

Darkbake, you seem like a really cool, nice dude. Be my friend? Oh, and don't worry about girls that think you would make a "good gay friend".