Online Dating and Texting

I'll tell you what... I am no good at this online dating thing and the main reason is because of the texting part - there is always this part where the online dating turns into texting - my best record was making it a week until Saturday's date, at which point things went south in the next session of texting.

It's never going to work, it really isn't. Pretending it is is the definition of insanity.

Check this out. It looks so ridiculous I have to use a picture.



Google: How do you text a girl you... don't know! That's exactly the one I'm looking for! All right! How did you know what I wanted, Google? You truly are magical!

The greatest thing ever is when I'm sitting down in my easy chair getting ready for the big night of texting that girl I never met! That girl that I have no context with...

Three Simple Rules that Will Step Up Your Text Game

Oh yeah! Step up my text game! All right! That's so cool! Just what I wanted. :/ First of all, I don't like "game" or "texting" and sentences with "text" and "game" in them automatically make my head spin.

But here are some how-to articles at least:

Wiki How: How to Call or Text a Girl

Wiki How: How to Text Message Someone You Like (But have never met or spent time with, I might add)

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I don't like this kind of thing because I really don't like seeing girls as a game. And I hate mind games. And I don't want to date a girl who plays mind games, either - and I would rather spend time with a girl than text her - I personally don't like the advice given in articles like these because I am more of a feminist and like being honest, than someone who sees a girl as "game" and the phone as some kind of "Game Caller" like the Duck Commander, although that does sound more fun to role-play. Come hither, girl, -- aah!

I don't like purposely not texting a girl back, for example. I would much rather be busy enough not to text her back... and there we go... the allotted time has been spent writing this ATS post - I can text her back now.

Seriously though? Is it some kind of mad ploy? To get guys like me to actually look forward to meeting a girl in the coffee shop?

And girls... what advice or stories do you have, I'd actually rather hear from your side about any serious advice - because I like connecting to people on their level - guys - any funny stories or comments or advice? I personally prefer going friends first.

But girls - I have to tell you - when I actually get into a conversation with a girl, that's when she blocks me or whatever, and it's usually just because I'm actually interested in talking with her - I've had girls stop texting me back in the most anti-climatic conversation points.

reply to post by darkbake

you should probaly just get a playstation.

Rikku
reply to post by darkbake

 

you should probaly just get a playstation.

Well if you are going to spend time reading my post and writing a one-liner, you might as well say something constructive as well!

reply to post by darkbake


Iv'e been to the rodeo a few times and what I discovered is that meeting and the dating ritual is just a game until the
serious seduction and hopefully the eventual successful outcome takes place. And even then there is no guarantee that you won't be chumped out.

But it's worth the effort even if it does prove to be not what you wanted or expected. Sometimes though, the ecstasy is worth all the previous pain, disappointment and embarrassment.

Don't let fear of rejection stop you from making the first move. It took me years to realize that women actually want you to start the "game"....

reply to post by olaru12


Well I'm not sure if dating is for me. I've had good girls as friends before, and I've also had good guy friends before and the substance in that is a lot more like what I am looking for.

The best dating advice actually comes from feminists, at least the advice I like to take.



This is the best advice I have seen for me.

reply to post by darkbake


Well, I last dated 27 years ago, but how about friendly skypes? Or is actually seeing the person considered too much too soon these days? I really don't even know, not being sarcastic, the way things have changed!

reply to post by darkbake


why do you not ask her for a landline number or skype her as texting can hurt your wrists and give you cramp

reply to post by darkbake


Try skyping.
Trust me it works.

Dang, it really looks like you did your research.

But just do not forget this: Always be who you truly are, always.

Because let's say you score with a girl...but that would mean the girl likes your fake persona, not the real you.

I subscribed to a very popular online dating site for about three months a few years ago. I didn't much enjoy one particular pre-date texting session in which the guy asked whether I had any STDs, what kind of car I drove and how much I weighed. The only advice I can give you is to please not do that. I almost cancelled the date because of these texts and definitely went into the date feeling slightly put off by my date before I even met him. It wasn't because I didn't want to answer his questions. It was because only a jerk would ask such questions prior to the date. And indeed, he was a jerk in person.

If you are participating in online dating, you are going get much better results with girls by keeping pre-date texts down to the bare minimum. Don't even attempt to engage in a texting conversation prior to your date because girls like myself find it annoying. If you are going to send a girl texts before meeting her, these texts should be limited to the subject of meeting (time and place) and nothing more. I don't know if this helps but it's all I got.

reply to post by darkbake


First of all, how old are you?? Because I can't imagine any adult who acts and lives in a mature way actually sinking so low as to "Text Date." But then maybe I don't understand what that means. Help me out a bit...

But besides that, I think the fact that it's not working for you is a Good Thing. Don't fight it. Take it as a sign that you're actually looking for a real relationship with a person and not some stupid fantasy with your phone or computer.

Real people have real, actual relationships. They meet and talk in person. Go places together. Actually spend time together and experience the Real World together as well as apart from each other.

If a woman/man wants to "Date" by texting you on the phone, they have no clue what a relationship is or how to interact with a person in an honest way. Computer/Text dating is just a way to hide behind something so nobody figures out who you are. It's the path of the coward and/or the fakes who have no confindence in themselves. Don't play that game, you're better than that. Which is why it's not working. You are obviously not a fake nor are you looking for one.

Unless what you mean by Text Dating is just a meaningless shallow fantasy encounter. I don't think that is what you meant, but maybe I'm wrong.

reply to post by darkbake


It's always a bit of a game, bro. No matter how much you overthink it.

reply to post by darkbake


From a girl's perspective...I would say be honest and witty. I would avoid the mind games, if she is smart she will notice it.

Also show interest in the things she likes and don't be ashamed to ask questions.

Gah. What happens when you meet 'her', and she turns out to be 45, fat, and named 'Frank'?

Or, you finally speak to her, and she has the most horribly annoying nasally, on your last nerves type if voice? Or, she is a mouth breather? Can you imagine if she has bad breath?! Or, she has a horrible lip smacking problem? Or, makes snorting, snuffling sounds all the time? Or, coughs and clears her throat all the time?

I mean, seriously, how can you consider 'dating' someone you have never spoken to, nor met before? That's not dating. I don't know what it is, but it's not dating.

mOjOm
reply to post by darkbake

 

First of all, how old are you?? Because I can't imagine any adult who acts and lives in a mature way actually sinking so low as to "Text Date." But then maybe I don't understand what that means. Help me out a bit...

But besides that, I think the fact that it's not working for you is a Good Thing. Don't fight it. Take it as a sign that you're actually looking for a real relationship with a person and not some stupid fantasy with your phone or computer.

Real people have real, actual relationships. They meet and talk in person. Go places together. Actually spend time together and experience the Real World together as well as apart from each other.

If a woman/man wants to "Date" by texting you on the phone, they have no clue what a relationship is or how to interact with a person in an honest way. Computer/Text dating is just a way to hide behind something so nobody figures out who you are. It's the path of the coward and/or the fakes who have no confindence in themselves. Don't play that game, you're better than that. Which is why it's not working. You are obviously not a fake nor are you looking for one.

Unless what you mean by Text Dating is just a meaningless shallow fantasy encounter. I don't think that is what you meant, but maybe I'm wrong.

Thanks, Mojom you are absolutely right. I'm glad you posted this on here.

I'm 28 years old but the dating paradigm involves a lot of texting. It has really killed me, as I would rather be hanging out with someone in person and getting to know them. I think it is a generational gap - I never did much texting or instant messaging and I just don't know how to do it.

Thank you for understanding.

Rainbowresidue
reply to post by darkbake

 

From a girl's perspective...I would say be honest and witty. I would avoid the mind games, if she is smart she will notice it.

Also show interest in the things she likes and don't be ashamed to ask questions.

Thanks I like your perspective. Do you think it is okay to ask to meet in person like even in public and do something and explain to her that I feel more comfortable meeting in person before texting?

reply to post by TruthLover557


I like the way you think, Truth Lover. Yeah. I can do the messaging on the dating site fine, the texting or Facebook chat is just terrible for me.

I would rather have a set time period to hang out with someone than leave it ambiguous and hanging like a cloud over all 24 hours / 7 days a week

reply to post by darkbake


Meet right away before texting?
That depends on the girl.

( I personally would say no, because of all the psychos out there, and would want to know you a little bit more before meeting in person.)

Ps: I've been with my husband for 7 years, so I don't know what the newest dating customs are. lol
But I'm just telling you what I'd do.

reply to post by Rainbowresidue


Ha ha thanks. I'm not sure if it was a guy or girl who recommended I get a Playstation, but I don't need one of those. What I need are realistic tips from girls (not "game" players) on texting tips

I did read those tips, though - and I have a date tomorrow. I think the biggest tip I got from the Wiki How ones was don't text too much, I could see that one.

My texting was sped along thanks to someone's (edit to find) advice in this forum not to text if I didn't want to - so I told the girl that I wanted to meet for coffee because I didn't like texting someone I didn't know -

And then we ended up texting the rest of the day and now she's coming over tomorrow to hear some of my new music I'm writing.

Also, thanks to the YouTube channel that I posted. Her video on dating tips is solid. Guys - it is. Solid. Don't listen to people trying to spout "game." We studied "game" in Psychology of Sex, and the top "game players" can consistently get sex, but not a meaningful relationship - they are clueless about this. It is a fact.

I really dislike people who categorize men or are sexist towards men - it's one of my pet peeves.

"You should buy a Playstation." B.S. - I don't think you know what you are talking about, androgynous poster hiding behind a username, although I did laugh the first time I saw it (by the way, I do fully support usernames!)

Thanks to tips in this forum I have a date tomorrow and I'm going to cook her dinner and show her some guitar tunes. And funny story - she said she was worried about her looks, sent me a picture, and not only could she be a model,

I told her the following:

"You look amazing! My first thought was that you might actually fit in with mathematical algorithms of beauty."

That's what too much book knowledge does, eh?

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reply to post by darkbake


I'm happy for you, congratulations!!!

Good luck on your date tomorrow.

Let us know how it went.