Good Cop Vs. Bad Cop
If you are a parent I can almost bet that you knew what this thread was going to entail before you even clicked on it.
So which one are you?
I am The Bad Cop, and I guess that was a safe assumption since seeing as how it wouldn't be much of a rant if I got to be "The Giver of All That Is
Good Cop Vs. Bad Cop is not a new phenomena and most of us remember our parents being one way or the other as well. Even at the age of 5 you pretty
much knew which parent to go to, to ask for an extra dessert and which parent to go to for permission to watch Nightmare on Elm Street or Porky's.
As you got older you knew which parent was easier on your curfew and which parent was going to block out the sunlight to your room for 3 weeks because
you were an hour late and didn't call. If you were REALLY lucky you had a parent who would actually run interference for you with the other parent to
keep you out of trouble or to get your "sentence reduced"
My parents did a pretty good job of keeping the scales closer to even than most of my friend's parents were. Dad usually always left it up to mom
unless he was in a bad mood. Eeek.
So what's the point you ask?
Well... I don't really have one. It's just a rant and I was curious as to how many here experience this fantasticness in their own home/in their own
family and how it affects your marriage.
My daughter just turned 16 and my husband has always been the "Good Cop" unless he was in a seriously bad mood. Anything "unpleasant" is left to
me 99.9999% of the time. She bought home a report card a few months ago that she knew was not acceptable and she had been warned (by me of course)
that if she didn't pull her grades up, she would lose her phone until the next report came in. When my husband looks at the report card he says
"Hey, that's not so bad is it?" I think I chipped a few back teeth in an effort not to temporarily lose my sanity. She is in the 10th grade and he
has always been aware of what grades she needed to further her education with a scholarship (she wants to go to art school) ... and those grades
weren't going to get it. His reasoning??? He didn't like school either. Gahhhh..... So in front of her he has made her aware that he thinks it's ok
and if she is punished... it wasn't him doing it.
Now I am super evil and get the death stare incessantly if I carry through.
Don't get me wrong... Most all of us parents do small things here and there for our children that we hope we will be remembered fondly by them for
years down the road. But it does kind of get old feeling like you are always the one to say no or hand down punishment. I did wonder briefly about not
saying no anymore and let him see what came of that, but it wouldn't be fair to her. Somebody has to try and teach her life lessons and if I have to
do it alone all of the time, then that is my job.
I'll just buy her a Darth Vader helmet to block the death stare.
He is a good dad and she is an awesome kid regardless of my little rant here really. There are far worse things than being a lot more lenient than
your spouse I know, but it does cause tension at times. Sometimes I would like some backup or a small break from being "Mommy Dearest". I don't
really get all that upset over wire hangers.
On a side note - I think all children are born with an innate ability to divide and conquer.
who among us never tried that tactic?
Who in your house hands down the rules and punishment? Do you back your partner up or try to stay out of it?