Do you recommend marriage?

danielsil18
Hello everyone,

I'm curious to people's opinion about marriage. Would you recommend it?

I'm a male and not married yet and I'm opposed to getting married for some reasons.

First of all, I know that pros about marriage like taxes, insurance, kids, etc. but what I want to talk about is the relationship.

I believe that marriage let's the couple take each other for granted. I want to explain.

At first when you meet someone you try to look your best to impress them, as time passes you get a bit used to them but you still try to be at your best because you don't want your bf/gf to dump you. Now comes marriage...

After marriage people show their true self. Many couples gain weight, sex life worsens, and this is all before kids are born. You swore to be together until the end, so why bother looking your best? You are already tied down. Divorce is difficult and men lose half their stuff.

Wouldn't it be better to avoid marriage? Couples would still have to make the effort to make the relationship continue. Getting dumped is easier than getting divorced.

Now to end my opinion I want to ask this:

Why is it considered an accomplishment when an old married couple say they were married for 50 years or more?

I'm curious about everyone's opinion about marriage, would you recommend it?

I do not recommend it, it's a bad investment of time and finances especially if the deal goes bad after a long period of time and there are many variables involved.
from my experience DONT TOUCH IT WITH A BARGE POLE.

I highly recommended marriage, but I think everyone should take the time to make sure its the right person before taking that step. I met my husband when I was 18 he was 27, we lived together six years and he proposed twice before I said yes. Those were rocky years a lot of arguing and fighting ( the age difference made it hard too) many people did not expect us to make it..sometimes we did not expect us to make it..but we stuck it out and now after 10 years of marriage (16 yrs together) we are still going strong. Every day we say I love you and I could not imagine my life without him. So I guess my point is its worth risking all the negative for the positive that can come out of it..no relationship is absolutely perfect. Living, learning, loving and growing together makes for a bond like no other. That's why I think marriage is a risk worth taking.

Been married twice. Been in a long time relationship that lasted longer than both my marriages combined. Went into all 3 relationships with eyes wide open and the determination to make them work.
All three failed.
So.....if you love someone enough, give it a go, if you love someone enough don't.
Heck I don't know.
What I do know is, if it feels right do it, life is a constant learning and evolving curve, just don't let your fears hold you back from the experiences of living.

Rainbows
Jane

Ya reading this thread, here is the best advice I can give. You sleep with someone out of lust. Your in love with someone because of hormones. You chose to love someone because of respect. Here is the hard thing about marriages. People go through the honeymoon stage in there dating, where they are in lust for there body, in love with there hormones and pheromones, and are completely intoxicated by there effects. If you could stay that way forever, you would be perfectly happy. the problem comes in is that as you spend time together, as you make love, swap fluids, take in the chemicals that that one special person graciously gives to you, You begin to grow immune to there effects. What happens then? Sometimes it takes years, sometimes it takes decades, but the reality is you stop being interested. What do you do then when the lust is gone, the toys are boring, and it completely annoys you how she can go months without shaving downstairs? well, that's when choosing to love comes in. That's when choosing to respect, to honor, to devote yourself to the belief while you are going through this ruff patch, you can and will overcome it together because you both love each other and have chosen each other. You see one thing that I figured out in my 2 marriages is that being in love, being in lust comes in cycles. some years you hump like bunnies, others are a dry spell and your lucky to get it once a month. Either way, without devotion, without commitment, without dedication, marriages cant last. That the reason so many fail. People want the butterflies, the lust, the exotic and freshness to having a new partner to last, and the reality is it doesn't, what then? have you noticed that massive mole on there ass? Does it bother you now? will it bother you in 5 years? someone up above suggested a 5 year dating before marriage, and I agree with it. by then the lust and chemicals should be gone and it really comes down to can you love that person after the fact. If you can great, if not, move on.

It's a catch 22. pro's and con's to it.

Vicarious10000
reply to post by danielsil18

 

Women will cheat for multiple reasons one of them is controllable by the male counterpart. Pay attention to your womans female part. It should feel a certain way only to you by you. If you have too much rowdy time you'll boar it out and she'll think she needs something bigger.

Have fun but not too much fun.

You don't want to boar it out just to have her come back years later realizing happines doesn't come in a bun. And have her ruined.

You'll know if she cheats. If not you don't pay attention to her.

If he's not bigger you'll know in all the other ways. Again that's hand in hand with knowing your lover.

edit on 18-12-2013 by Vicarious10000 because: (no reason given)

Please ignore this, it was quite obviously written by a man with some issues. Unless you are freakishly small for the most part your size doesn't always matter. And unless your mate is damaged understand she will not expect to orgasm every time. In fact most of the time if you are too big you are going to get sex far less because it hurts. IF you are worried over performance issues, then dont look for false cures to magically grow your penis. Instead learn how to improve your stamina.

This kind of thinking is the result of porn where like every other entertainment reality is made larger than life. Even porn legend Ron Jeremy has publicly stated he has made more women orgasm using his tongue than he ever did with his penis. That alone should be enough to tell you fragile males out there, stop worrying about your little friend.

danielsil18

Vicarious10000
reply to post by danielsil18

 

Women will cheat for multiple reasons one of them is controllable by the male counterpart. Pay attention to your womans female part. It should feel a certain way only to you by you. If you have too much rowdy time you'll boar it out and she'll think she needs something bigger.

But doesn't the sex life worsen?

I have read that for many it almost becomes non-existent.

It goes almost hand in hand with women gaining weight, men don't get as turned on.

One of my worries is that couple take each other a bit for granted, gain weight, then sex life fades.

After that problems could arise.

You seem too preoccupied with the sexual component of a marriage and that sets off alarm bells in my mind.

The higher level of commitment in marriage is probably the reason for the high level of reported sexual satisfaction

www.foryourmarriage.org...

Akragon
reply to post by danielsil18

 

Two words

Hell... No

One word

NO!!!!!!!!!!!

Been together 20 some odd years.
I was okay with living together.. no real contract but an agreement. I have a very strong personality and so does he. I blurted out what I wanted, he blurted out what he wanted and we happened to agree with the majority. We got married yrs into the living together relationship due to him being military and the entanglements with that. We didnt have kids until well into our 20's and it was a mutual agreement.

IMO.. I could have lived with him for the rest of my life with no "marriage" and it be as dedicated and loyal as if we had married. I guess asking if you should get married depends... maybe or maybe not. Depends on what YOU want and if you even know what you really want yet. Once you decide on what you truly want for life.. the hard part is finding someone who has those similar wants.. and has the sense or ability to make long term desicions.

Marriage is awesome. I'm not married however.
If you truly have found THE ONE, do it. How would anything else matter if they are truly THE ONE.

But why people look to the state to officially recognize their marriage I will never know.
When I say the vows, they will be vows that I would never pledge to ANY authority.

I will look into her eyes and merge with the other piece of my soul. The state could never make that or break that.

danielsil18
Hello everyone,

I'm curious to people's opinion about marriage. Would you recommend it?

Not for its own sake, or because tradition commands it. I would advise that the only reason to marry a person is if you love them more than life, would not hesitate to fight, kill and die for them, and want to live together for the rest of your natural life.

I'm a male and not married yet and I'm opposed to getting married for some reasons.

First of all, I know that pros about marriage like taxes, insurance, kids, etc. but what I want to talk about is the relationship.

I believe that marriage let's the couple take each other for granted. I want to explain.

At first when you meet someone you try to look your best to impress them, as time passes you get a bit used to them but you still try to be at your best because you don't want your bf/gf to dump you. Now comes marriage...

After marriage people show their true self. Many couples gain weight, sex life worsens, and this is all before kids are born. You swore to be together until the end, so why bother looking your best? You are already tied down. Divorce is difficult and men lose half their stuff.

If you still give a rats rectum about "your stuff" then you should not be marrying anyone at all, or even thinking about it, or indeed spending time with them.

Wouldn't it be better to avoid marriage? Couples would still have to make the effort to make the relationship continue. Getting dumped is easier than getting divorced.

Now to end my opinion I want to ask this:

Why is it considered an accomplishment when an old married couple say they were married for 50 years or more?

Couples who have been happily married for fifty or so years, are not being prideful, or sitting back admiring their own accomplishments when they tell you " You know boy, we've been married fifty years!". Very often in the case of the male, his so called pride is thinly masked disbelief that he ever got that lucky once, let alone for the rest of his life!

I'm curious about everyone's opinion about marriage, would you recommend it?

I have never been married myself. However, speaking as I do from the position of having been engaged twice, and fully committed to spending the rest of my life with someone (who in both scenarios turned out to be someone other than who they originally made out they were), it may hurt when things do not work out, but if any of the things I was ever fooled into believing in previous relationships, like a love which transcends life for instance, turned out being true, missing out on that would make me more of a fool than leaping into a pit of an unknown depth.

I would recommend it, but only if you loose the cynicism.

reply to post by danielsil18

Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?

reply to post by danielsil18


I agree with your observations and lived the result. I've never married.

I am now single after a series of monogamous, incredible long term relationships (the longest was 16 years) and am generally happy and expect another woman (or whatever strikes my fancy- can't predict the future) to come along some day.

That said, if you are with someone who is wonderful and after a few years is still wonderful, supportive and getting better and helping you evolve while you help them, etc. and THEY want marriage for the implied security and commitment, then you'd be a fool to not do it... and really, just saying 'yes' and not actually doing it would satisfy most and settle any of the doubts that inevitably happen in relationships, which are the most complex endeavors humans attempt.

But finally, there is something to be said for good friends and masturbation, too. Heh.

danielsil18
Thanks everyone for your advice, I learned some things that can help me later on. Like many said, for now I shouldn't worry.

I like these threads because I can learn from the advise and stories written.

I guess my next thread could be why all girls are gold diggers... I'm kidding.

edit on 19-12-2013 by danielsil18 because: (no reason given)

You could make a case that without men they'd be on ssi. Gold Diggers that is.

Since it is a free meal ticket.

It's the heart ,afraid of dying,
That never learns to live.

reply to post by danielsil18


As a married woman, I can only recommend it! Of course, once you've found the right person only!

I made the choice in my life to wait for the right person, as I kept seeing people around me with miserable relationships, temporary bed partners and nothing but fights for those that did try out a relationship after relationship with first possible person willing only so they did not have to feel alone or be marked as a "loser" by society. A common pattern I noticed with them all is that they all knew they would always find someone as needy of a partner as themselves, and therefor didn't take their current partner serious. Flirting behind their back, always looking for other possibilities knowing their current partner isn't "tied" to them. As soon as any indifference or arguments would appear,they would simply dump them and look for someone else, instead of trying to solve whatever the issue in their relationship was, and just repeat that pattern over and over again. I could never imagine living like that, so I stayed out of it until I fell in love for the first time, with the man that is now my husband.

Marriage, if done by two people who truly loves each other, is something magical really.
Love for me is knowing that this person is someone you would sacrifice everything you have for without a second of a doubt. Someone you want to keep happy and healthy at all costs, because his happiness makes you happy, and you can not imagine spending one single day apart. If he would leave me I would be so destroyed inside that I could never even consider finding someone else to give my heart to. He is my one and only, and not having him anymore in my life would be the death of me. I never had the need for any other man in my life, never considered the possibility and never wanted one. I don't want attention from other men, and therefor dress normal with minimal makeup when I leave our home, and only dress up for him, as he is the only one I want to find me attractive. I said yes when he proposed to me, because I wanted to be his wife forever, and he asked for my hand because he too wanted to be with me til death do us apart.

Having someone lay next to you in bed at night, someone to hold and cuddle and kiss etc is all a wonderful thing that we all need in life! But Marriage goes beyond that. Someone asking for a hand in marriage do so with the knowledge that this person he/she can trust, feel safe with, and get respected from. People who marry out of love ( and not money or scamming ), do so because they know this is the person they want by their side for as long as they live, and they are willing to go through hard times with them just as they go through happy ones.

I know that there is one person in my life, who I can share my deepest secrets, my inner fears, my general thoughts and my opinions with on a level no one else can fill, just as he can do the same towards me. It is a wonderful feeling to have someone you can trust with your life, who would do anything for you just like you would for him. We are very happy together, and never ever went to bed arguing or fighting. Whenever there was a fight, we solved the issue together immediately.

I have something people around me envy. Some even forcefully have tried to break it apart and of course failed. Why is that? Because they have seen how happy I am with my husband, what harmony we have in our relationship that they did not experience so far, and the love we have and the connection we share for each other. We are attracted to each other on more levels then the physical appearance. We connect with our minds, knowing each other inside out. He is not just my husband, he is my soul mate!

I can say this, Do not marry unless you know this is the one you want to be with for as long as you live. A hard statement maybe, but that's how it is.
You have to know this person good, you have to know that you are willing to give everything for him/her, and know he/she would do the same for you. If you consider other people on the side, marriage is not for you. It is a commitment that unless you love your husband or wife with all your heart and soul, will cause more damage then good in time.

Love is the key word.

a reply to: danielsil18

I'm a male and not married yet and I'm opposed to getting married for some reasons. - See more at: www.abovetopsecret.com...

How old are you? If the answer is anything less than 30, then my response is "only if you enjoy divorce"

If older than 30, and you have a decent job, and expectation it will be there, and you found someone you're sure you will be with forever, then absolutely.

I'm guessing though, since your first comments were financial ones, that this isn't the love of your life, so the answer is a resounding NO, do not get married to this person.

Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?

Because others may be milking the cow and not washing their hands....

originally posted by: Gazrok

Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?

Because others may be milking the cow and not washing their hands....

I just sprayed a little vino on my screen after reading your reply!

hilariously funny!