Do you recommend marriage?

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posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:07 PM
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reply to post by danielsil18
 


He didn't date much before we met so I'm sure he thinks the grass is greener on the other side. His family and friends thinks he's crazy for not wanting to stay married to me. He takes things for granted. Thing is, we are still living together for financial reasons for now. Kinda hard looking at someone who has been my husband for 34 years as anything else. Ya know?

Then again, there are people who have lived together for many years and never married and they get too comfy too. So...what is one to do? Just remember that if you have kids and the relationship doesn't last, you are responsible financially and emotionally to those kids. Just sayin. I wish you all the luck and love in the world. For me it has turned out tragically, for you...you may be one of the lucky ones.




posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:16 PM
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reply to post by KeliOnyx
 





We may eventually get married again but we aren't really in a rush to do so. We are already married in our hearts, don't really see any purpose to all the legal mess of doing it all over again.


I like your advice because I agree with all of them.

Basically what I've been thinking is that I'll just have to get married in my 30's not only to know her better, since I'm going to be studying medicine I won't be able to go out as much as other guys. One day she could get bored and do something behind my back.

One of my big issues would be finding out the girl I married cheated on me.

Like you said, it's like a gamble, a risk. But I don't like to gamble.

If there is not much to gain from marriage then I think it would be best not to marry.



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:22 PM
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When you meet the right person you want have to know who recommends it and who doesn't. You won't give a damn. That's usually how it works unless you are looking for a marriage of convenience.

I have been married for almost 17 years. Do I recommend it?? My answer may vary depending on the day, whether the husband has been off work for a few days, if money is a little short by the end of the week, etc.
I am teasing... sort of. It is work and it has to be something worth working for. If that is what you have then the work is rewarded with a spouse who can/does love you when you are PMSing, gained a few pounds, started sprouting a few gray hairs, or threw up in the hallway floor. You will have someone you look at one day while sharing a laugh and realize you are more in love with them at that moment than you were when you first married them.

Just my 2 cents though. I am a woman, so maybe it doesn't count.
edit on 12/18/2013 by Kangaruex4Ewe because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:25 PM
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reply to post by Night Star
 


I've read many times that those who think the grass is greener on the other side always come back.

"You don't appreciate what you have until you don't have it" comes to mind.

I don't think marriage is for me, just thinking that your loved one promised to be together until the end, then one day he decides that he had enough, is a bit frightening.



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:25 PM
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reply to post by danielsil18
 


You can't run around thinking like that man. It happens a lot, but don't avoid marriage just because you're worried about cheating. Avoid it because you're young.

I'm not that much older than you, but things change a lot between 24 and 29 (my age) it's nuts how different you become. Think of you at 15 and the difference and imagine that change every two years. I was engaged when I was younger, and still laugh about it. It was a ridiculously stupid idea. Now I just try to think like Domo would in 5 years about relationships. I ended it with a really nice girl not long ago because I couldn't see us together for more than 6 months and I've gotten to the point where I want to be serious. She was great, but it was a waste of time. If the right girl came along I could see wanting marriage. I like the idea of being so committed to a relationship, but only with the right person. I want to be like Beezer, laughing and being in love everyday.

Don't worry about getting married until you're 30. If you're single or still hate the idea don't worry about it then either. 30 really is the new 20. It's a gamble, even if you're 100% sure, but so is any serious relationship. So essentially I have no advice about this subject.



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:29 PM
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danielsil18

beezzer
reply to post by danielsil18
 


Married 22 years.

We laugh every day.

We hug every day.

We love every day.



If I knew for sure that marriage would be like this then I wouldn't have problems.

The problem is how to know who is the right one.


There is only one way marriage can be like that.
You BOTH have to be mature and responsible enough to realize a relationship takes WORK.
24/7...365! And you both have to want it to be your number 1 priority.
Nobody stays the same; our personalities continue to evolve, and our bodies grow old.
There are MANY good books on how to have a happy, lasting, love-filled relationship, so if you ever think you might want to try it, educate yourself first.
Premarital counseling with a clergyman or therapist gets a lot of basic personality traits out in the open, and can identify areas that may cause major conflict in future years.
It's great that you are giving the subject such serious thought!
Marriage may not be for you, but at least you'll have done your homework.
Good luck!
Miss Nugget



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:32 PM
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Kangaruex4Ewe

Just my 2 cents though. I am a woman, so maybe it doesn't count.




Do you think it's true that women cheat when their relationship is missing something? Like attention.

Because I don't think I'll be home much and I'm already thinking that she will cheat one me when she feels alone.



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:40 PM
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Domo1
reply to post by danielsil18
 


Don't worry about getting married until you're 30. If you're single or still hate the idea don't worry about it then either. 30 really is the new 20. It's a gamble, even if you're 100% sure, but so is any serious relationship. So essentially I have no advice about this subject.


You are right, and that's what I'm planning, on getting married after my 30's. Maybe my way of thinking will change a lot too.

It's nice to get a lot of advices since it will help me in the long run. One of the best advices is not to get married at a young age.



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:41 PM
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reply to post by danielsil18
 


Women will cheat for multiple reasons one of them is controllable by the male counterpart. Pay attention to your womans female part. It should feel a certain way only to you by you. If you have too much rowdy time you'll boar it out and she'll think she needs something bigger.

Have fun but not too much fun.

You don't want to boar it out just to have her come back years later realizing happines doesn't come in a bun. And have her ruined.

You'll know if she cheats. If not you don't pay attention to her.

If he's not bigger you'll know in all the other ways. Again that's hand in hand with knowing your lover.
edit on 18-12-2013 by Vicarious10000 because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:44 PM
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reply to post by nugget1
 


Good advice, I'm an Atheist and if my wife is super religious then there could be problems on how the kids would be raised or if she wants me to convert, etc.

Like someone said, I think I'll have to date one for more than 5 years to know her really well.



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:48 PM
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danielsil18

Kangaruex4Ewe

Just my 2 cents though. I am a woman, so maybe it doesn't count.




Do you think it's true that women cheat when their relationship is missing something? Like attention.

Because I don't think I'll be home much and I'm already thinking that she will cheat one me when she feels alone.


If a woman uses "alone" as an excuse to cheat then you being there or not being there is not going to make a difference. Something like that is inside of a person. They need constant validation/attention to fill something they are missing inside themselves. I can't say whoever you pick would cheat because you will be gone a lot, but you should notice signs like those before you get married. She will need all that extra attention and validation then as well. If she does.... run and don't look back.

Men and women cheat for lots of different reasons. IMO the spouse is not the blame for any of them. We convince ourselves that we are missing something, that the grass is greener, that we would be happier somewhere else with someone else, etc. All of that comes from inside of us. Our shortcomings and our attitude.

I think the main reason marriages fail is because people do expect a fairy tale and a real marriage is about as far from that as you can get. Yet we let our own thoughts convince us that we are missing something when that "something" isn't even real.

If you find a woman who is comfortable with herself and secure in who she is, you being gone for work is not going to send her into the arms of another man.



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:50 PM
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Vicarious10000
reply to post by danielsil18
 


Women will cheat for multiple reasons one of them is controllable by the male counterpart. Pay attention to your womans female part. It should feel a certain way only to you by you. If you have too much rowdy time you'll boar it out and she'll think she needs something bigger.



But doesn't the sex life worsen?

I have read that for many it almost becomes non-existent.

It goes almost hand in hand with women gaining weight, men don't get as turned on.

One of my worries is that couple take each other a bit for granted, gain weight, then sex life fades.

After that problems could arise.



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:50 PM
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danielsil18
reply to post by Night Star
 


I've read many times that those who think the grass is greener on the other side always come back.

"You don't appreciate what you have until you don't have it" comes to mind.

I don't think marriage is for me, just thinking that your loved one promised to be together until the end, then one day he decides that he had enough, is a bit frightening.


Frightening and devestating. It's like my world was turned upside down and inside out and I didn't do anything to deserve it.

You seem like a very bright and thoughtful young man. I hope your life is full and happy and remains that way.



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:55 PM
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reply to post by danielsil18
 


Sex life dwindles because you get older less energy for the day and the energy you have left turns into taking care of kids and yard work and what not after 8hrs in the factory.

Why do you think couples look happier on vacation? They aren't using all there time and energy on all the hustle and bustle that is there everyday life.

Besides if you love each other who cares how much she weighs and all that. If you love her then you can have fun with her.



posted on Dec, 18 2013 @ 11:59 PM
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reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe
 


That's true. Basically I have to find out if she will be compatible with the lifestyle I'll have.



posted on Dec, 19 2013 @ 12:07 AM
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Vicarious10000
reply to post by danielsil18
 


Besides if you love each other who cares how much she weighs and all that. If you love her then you can have fun with her.


I think I'm still too young to realize this.

I know we all get old but it's not a pleasant image for now. I would like both of us to stay in shape for a long time.



posted on Dec, 19 2013 @ 12:11 AM
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reply to post by danielsil18
 


You need to work on your self esteem so you can quit worrying a future spouse cheating!
PEOPLE cheat for several reasons, the number one being they lack self esteem, and it's a way to 'prove' to themselves that they're wanted, attractive, needed and valued. That would be a pretty immature woman or man, and the world is full of such types. They come in all sizes and ages.
People cheat because they have no moral foundation in their life to live by.
People cheat for revenge; to get even with their partner for hurting them.
People cheat because "you don't trust me anyway, so why shouldn't I do what you always suspect/accuse me of?"
I could continue listing reasons, but basically it is done by people who lack self confidence, have little direction in life, are not fully mature, short sighted, etc. etc.
My husband was a confirmed bachelor for over forty years when we met. All I wanted was to remain single for the rest of my life. We new we wanted the rest of our lives to be spent with each other, and we both new by experience what it takes for a relationship to stop growing, so we gave it a shot.
We've had many wonderful years together, and I couldn't imagine my life without him. He is as important to me as my right hand, and I wouldn't be a whole person ever again without him. He feels the same way about me- and, yes, we finish each others sentences.

Don't worry so much about the future; it keeps you from enjoying the present!



posted on Dec, 19 2013 @ 12:19 AM
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reply to post by danielsil18
 


Well chances are if shes gained weight and all the things that are unattractive then you have been together long enough to know if shes the one for you. You have grown to love her so that those unattractive things are not important anymore.
edit on 19-12-2013 by Vicarious10000 because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 19 2013 @ 12:26 AM
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A lot of people have already made comments that I would agree with so I won't rehash those.

However, as a married man of 2 years, I can say that it definitely is one of those mystical things "you'll know when it is right". I've had girlfriends before (long and short term) and at a time that I was absolutely not looking for a partner, I met my wife to be.

I think some people mistakenly think that "the honeymoon phase" will last forever....it can't. That doesn't mean that there aren't definite benefits and cool things about being married.

My advice is to enjoy your youth, go and have fun and don't worry about marriage until you really feel that it is intuitively right for you.



posted on Dec, 19 2013 @ 12:29 AM
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Thanks everyone for your advice, I learned some things that can help me later on. Like many said, for now I shouldn't worry.

I like these threads because I can learn from the advise and stories written.

I guess my next thread could be why all girls are gold diggers... I'm kidding.
edit on 19-12-2013 by danielsil18 because: (no reason given)





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