Here is my current reality.

My neck is stiff. Now that I am old, my neck is always kind of stiff. But my neck is stiffer than usual. Sleep position?

I bought a used camera today. Why did I do this? I almost never take pictures.

My old cat has bad breath. But so do I. Every morning I clear her kitty litter of nasty bits. When she is gone, I will miss her but not the morning kitty litter duty.

I have no children. Who will take care of me when I can't take of myself? Screw that. I will take care of myself, and then I will die.

I will add to this unless I am told not to.

Life is like a mountain with no top which gets steeper and steeper eventually is claims us. If God does exist hes the one on the mountain top dumping turds over the side down on us.

I can still see the sun over the mountain but it is setting fast. It's the same for everybody.

My reality. It's cold outside but I can't afford heat. The good news is I have a very warm comforter. Sleep time.
More coming.

Perhaps you could take pictures of your kitty with your newly acquired camera?

A sore neck can be caused sleep position or arthritis, damp weather, etc. Who knows? Maybe rust? However, if you fill an old sock with rice and thread its twin over it so the rice doesn't fall out, then heat it in the microwave for a minute or so, it can be draped around the back of your neck to allow the warmth to soothe the kinks.

We all need to put our things in order when the time seems to be closer to our departure. But please guard against closing your mind to learning new things and being amazed. There is still lots out there to keep our mind sane and whole.

If you mind being alone, you could perhaps head to the grocery store or coffee shop. There is always someone there to exchange a few words with and to perhaps refresh your spirit. If you smile and say good day to people, they always respond. At least it's been my experience.

Show the pics of your kitty to ATS, start a new thread about it. Show it to those you meet in line, asking advice for taking a better picture, etc.

I'm not usually so verbose, but you honestly come across as being in a bit of a slump at the moment. Hope I'm not insulting you. I would not want to do that.

I just read your last post. I understand about the cold. I am having problems with heating myself and it's minus 28 outside. It takes nothing for me to freeze and I hate winter cold. I now sleep with a warm fuzzy poncho under my blanket for added warmth around my neck.

Hang in there, Droid.

reply to post by droid56


Alright this is ATS so let's look at the facts. You have:

A neck that works (stiff but still operational.)
You have a camera.
You have a cat, this assumes money to feed it.
You can afford kitty litter (more money.)
You and your cat are still breathing.
You're independent (no kids.)
You can still see (the sun)(with sorta OK glasses)
You live by the mountains.
You have a good comforter (and can sleep whenever you want.)

What's not to love?

(I'm in a kind of glass half full mood tonight.)

reply to post by droid56


My favorite thread.

Matter of fact feelings.

Keep updating this little diary please.

reply to post by b14warrior


Why do we consider the Santa phenomenon a warm and cozy tradition? An elaborate lie backed by money-motivated corporations delivered to small children. Then we tell them the truth when they reach 8 or 9 years of age. We couldn't have done better when it comes to mythology for the youngsters, minus the lie?

The cashier at the drugstore today asked me the small-talk question, have you finished your Christmas shopping. I said yes. The truth is I don't do Christmas shopping. There are two reasons for this. I'm not a Christian. And I don't like the buy because everybody does pressure. And a third reason is that my house is a monastery with only me and my cat.

But Christmas was a magical time for me when I was young. The tree with lights was a light show I tripped out to.

It's true that I messed up big time, but there wasn't even the tiniest possibility that I wouldn't crap the bed. Call it fate, or call it a trap. But here I am. Not living under a bridge, never going to bed hungry like so many on this Earth. My life could be way worse.

I now have little faith that karma actually exists. Something smells fishy to my old nose.

My current reality is but a dream.

15 years to live and not a clue what to say. Other than time is really quick.

Do you meditate?

It'll probably make you feel better from these negative thoughts.

There is much good things happening, like the fact that you get to experience life at all. At least you get to see this unfolding story of humanity and how they discover new things - new science, new technology, new ways of thinking.

If you meditate, it will probably help ease the momentum from the negative thought .

droid56
It's true that I messed up big time, but there wasn't even the tiniest possibility that I wouldn't crap the bed. Call it fate, or call it a trap. But here I am. Not living under a bridge, never going to bed hungry like so many on this Earth. My life could be way worse.

I now have little faith that karma actually exists. Something smells fishy to my old nose.

Since you seem to be spilling your guts anyway, would you mind elaborating on that a bit more??

reply to post by droid56


The fact that you're still here means you still have a lot to give
You have at least 1 good book in you that you can and should write to help others
You could go on meetup.com and meet some social groups in your area so that you make some new friends your age. My dad has the same problem he's older and many of his friends are gone but he doesn't realize he has to still get out there and meet new ones.

mOjOm

droid56
It's true that I messed up big time, but there wasn't even the tiniest possibility that I wouldn't crap the bed. Call it fate, or call it a trap. But here I am. Not living under a bridge, never going to bed hungry like so many on this Earth. My life could be way worse.

I now have little faith that karma actually exists. Something smells fishy to my old nose.

Since you seem to be spilling your guts anyway, would you mind elaborating on that a bit more??

I left a very good woman because of another woman who was more sexy in her appearance. The very good woman was possibly my soul mate. The good woman is gone, at least for this life.

But in general I made decisions based on seeking other people's approval, or wanting to get sex, and not motivated by a desire to do the right thing.

It's water under the bridge. I never came close to correcting my stupidity back then. It was inevitable.

At least now it feels good to be who I truly am.

droid56

mOjOm

droid56
It's true that I messed up big time, but there wasn't even the tiniest possibility that I wouldn't crap the bed. Call it fate, or call it a trap. But here I am. Not living under a bridge, never going to bed hungry like so many on this Earth. My life could be way worse.

I now have little faith that karma actually exists. Something smells fishy to my old nose.

Since you seem to be spilling your guts anyway, would you mind elaborating on that a bit more??

I left a very good woman because of another woman who was more sexy in her appearance. The very good woman was possibly my soul mate. The good woman is gone, at least for this life.

But in general I made decisions based on seeking other people's approval, or wanting to get sex, and not motivated by a desire to do the right thing.

It's water under the bridge. I never came close to correcting my stupidity back then. It was inevitable.

At least now it feels good to be who I truly am.

welcome to the reality that you can define life as a chemical reaction from a thought crossing your brain to a galaxy crashing into another it is all a chemical reaction and we have to live with it yip karma is a bitch but then you marry one happy thoughts happy thoughts .

It rarely snows here but it snowed yesterday. Snow transforms the world. I open the door to the white world for my cat wondering whether she sees it and thinks "cool, that's snow", or whether she sees it as if for the very first time.

reply to post by arpgme


Yes, I meditate. It helps. If I stopped meditating, I would have to hide sharp knives in my house.