They used to be called old-folks-home.

Now they might be called something more politically correct. When I see news items in these facilities I mostly see a bunch of old people that are no longer the lively humans they used to be. General physical decline along with dementia are the cause.

I would rather die homeless at an old age under a bridge wrapped in a thin sleeping bag than end up sitting in a wheel chair in an assisted-living old folks home. But that's just me.

reply to post by droid56


I used to work in an old folks home and while It is very sad to see these lovely old dears deteriorate many are spritely things with still lots of life.
Plus the stories they have are amazing
I do agree with living wills though because some are just in pain all the time and when they ask you to let them die it is heartbreaking.
A lot of the time they just want a chat, If you want to help just volunteer for an afternoon every other week and just listen to them, the amount of stuff I learn't from them...it was golden advice.

The advanced dementia parent is too much to ask of an adult child, but many non-dementia parents should be spending their last years supported by their children. It is shameful how the so-called developed countries often treat their elderly parents. The 3rd world is taking better care of their elderly parents, and it isn't just a matter of money.

reply to post by droid56


Many have not got the means to look after their mum or dad, people have to work and sometimes because they are frail it is unsafe for them to stay at home. I have seen how heartbroken the children are when they used to visit.
Also many in their mid 90's will have dementia or the onset of dementia..it just isn't safe for them at home.
Plus the ones with dementia do have moments of clarity, those are the good times when you can ask them about their lives and boy they love to chat.

Many have not got the means to look after their mums or dads? Then stop drinking or smoking. Or reduce their cable service, or stop eating at fast food restaurants. The point I am trying to make is you try very hard to keep a parent out of an old folk home unless they really want to be there.

reply to post by droid56


Most of my old dears were put into a home due to them having a fall and it being deemed it is unsafe for them to be alone.
The sons and daughters have to work and earn a living, being there all the time just is not an option for many. It isn't just about monetary means It is time they don't have because they also are bringing up kids.
Of course you get some people who just throw them in a home and forget about them but like I said many of the families are heart broken they have had to put their mum or dad in a home.
Honestly volunteer at a home just for one afternoon.

they are called care homes now but recently i have come across 2 in my local area that have been closed down for being anything near careing and it is not isolated .

it is a shame to think that in our golden years we could be treated like this and some of them charge £600 pw but pay the staff minimum wage for a very very hard job i have painted care homes in the past and have witnessed first hand how hard it is on some staff .

but i think when i get to that age the vet is going to be missing some sodium penthenol that they use to put pets to sleep

The best way to judge a society is look at how they treat their young & old folks. It's the best gauge to use. America is at the bottom of the barrell. It's simple, if you have money & access to money, you'll get a comfy old folks home. If your poor you'll get inadaquate care and inadaquate enviroment. That bridge and thin blanket sound rather attractive compared to a drool cup and being parked in the dayroom.

my mom won a fight with cancer in her late 50's/early 60's. She was youthful before chemo, and came out of chemo an old woman. Yes, she survived. But it took its toll on her.

My wife and I decided that she could no longer live alone (she couldn't clean her house any more, and was starting to just eat sandwiches because cooking became harder for her). We moved into her house, since that is where she wanted to stay (rather than her move into my house). She was happy that we immediately took over the cooking and cleaning.

1 year ago she was bedridden for about 3 months. She had 2 disks rupture in her lower back while playing with my nephew. From there, she had 3 months rolling and writhing in pain. During that time my wife and I took care of her. We couldn't do much for her pain, but we could make sure she ate, and that the doctors actually did something.

I tried to let my sister manage the care. She isn't forceful enough nor scary enough. I remember the day she got her first steroid injection in her back. By that night the pain had subsided. The next morning she was ready to drive her truck for the first time in almost 4 months.

My mom will never be in any kind of home other than this one. My wife is an LVN, and I have the flexibility to work 90% of my time from home if need be. Nursing homes are for those whose family just don't have enough love for them. I worked in a nursing home when I was younger...and that is my official opinion.

No...my mom deserves far, far better from me.

You have to be specific. "Old Folks Homes" are quite different in referring to them, and have become Senior "Housing" and Senior "Communities", Retirement "Villages" etc....some are expensive to live in and have all kinds of events and activities and actually are quite nice and fancy.

Assisited Living and Continued Care facilities have all ages in them. Some teens, some accident recovering patients with all types of conditions.

My mother was in one and she was 80 for full care and medical needs nursing care, and had 2 roomates-one 22 with MS and the other 40 with physical therapy needs.