Hi OP, I've struggled with a very similar situation to yours for many years, with similar results: hatred, disgust, loneliness, isolation,
depression, leading to interest in spiritual / unusual topics.
I've boucned back and forth with philosophies to try to deal with and understand why family and others treated me so poorly and coldly - I tried to
be warmer, more loving to them, thinking that it was my fault - that I was born unlovable and cold and just treated in kind. I don't let myself go
there mentally anymore, because it's just not true.
Here is the ONLY combination of philosophy and action that has been successful for me:
-Cut the hurtful people out of your life. You are still feeling an obligation to them, and you shouldn't, because they obviously felt no obligation
to treat YOU kindly or lovingly. They have nothing to do with who you really are.
-Remember that your Earth parents are not necessarily your Heavenly parents or "spirit family". They're responsible for creating your Earth body,
but not your spirit. Your real Father and Mother are in Heaven. Reserve your true love and respect for them, not for earthly #ups.
-Carlos Castaneda's explanation of Don Juan's concept of a "petty tyrant" helped me enormously. If you're not familiar with Castaneda's books,
you might like them. They'll give you a fresh perspective on these issues if nothing else.
Feel blessed that you had several petty tyrants (some might even call them "buddhas") in your life to show you what NOT to do. They've provided
you with the negative stimulus to become a deeper, more thoughtful, more spiritual person. One of my parents, who is a piece of human waste, told me
when I was very young that he could be a "buddha" for me. It was a disturbing, inappropriate, terribly prideful thing for a grown adult to tell a
small child, but he was right, when I look back. He has been an excellent model in my life for everything I hate, everything that disgusts and
appalls me. Kind of gave me a concrete block to "push off" from.
Don Juan says that self-importance is the enemy of the [spiritual] warrior. Consider your advantage that you had petty tyrants in your life to make
you feel worthless. Really. Use them for what they're good for. Squeeze every drop of guidance that you can out of them, since they haven't given
you any guidance willingly.
People who have no challenges in their lives amount to nothing. You've said you're "unsuccessful", and I know what you mean - unsuccessful in
typical worldly terms. But you CAN BE successful in more important ways. You have been given gifts in the form of petty tyrants. Not everyone gets
such gifts - only those who have the potential to be up for the challenge.
Here are some quotes from Don Juan if you're not familiar-
"...a warrior who stumbles on a petty tyrant is a lucky one."--Don Juan