posted on Dec, 7 2013 @ 01:33 AM
I don't share the "ambushed" perception- though I was born into a situation that we tend to consider undesireable, and was abused and neglected,
As an adult, observing and analyzing my choices, my thought patterns, I began to notice that I had too much faith in the unseen. I was not "down to
earth". I was spiritually focused, had all the "peace" that many claim to seek, knew that all is love, we all love each other, we all ARE love,
despite and no matter what the exterior appearences, events and behaviors.
I began to see this as an obstacle, however, to achieving certain things in life. It created a certain passivity and lack of action- which may be
great for a monk, but is absolutely useless to someone who has children, a family to care, provide for, and protect. Some framework of "good/bad"
needs to exist to be able to create momentum for action. Some preferences. Can't paint a picture with only white paint!
Delving into how I got this way, I realized a big part of it was the coping mechanisms I formed while little. I formed a perception of deeper truths
in order to not let the immediate physical reality make such a huge impact on my emotions. Believing there is love, where abuse or neglect is
happening, made me able to endure effectively.
It was a good coping mechanism and appropriate for that time. But later, it was no longer appropriate. It made me apathetic. It no longer mattered
whether a person wanted to treat me "kindly" or beat me. It is all the same ultimately. Just souls playing the game of life.
I decided to engage in the game, and not stay above and observing. This meant acknowledging some of the "facts" of this gameboard- like that someone
enjoying causing you pain, or completely ignoring you is not "loving" you. Love is about action and choice in the physical reality.
I was able to admit and acknowledge that I was not loved when I was ready to. I can deal with that fact now, because I have lots of love from others
now. It also helped me get into action and start "loving" others in a way that they too, can percieve and be conscious of.