posted on Dec, 3 2013 @ 02:21 AM
I lost someone very dear to me which seemed to put these things into focus but the onset of the occurrences which began to paint the world in colors
which began to make it a thing I looked at as not quite right/as I thought I knew the world began months before it. There are so many occurrences of
different types, and seemingly confirmations of the things I cannot explain with science (other than to suspect I'm cracked) that have occurred that
it made me feel when I would step outside and look around like I was on the set of a play; By saying it was like feeling like everything was of a play
I do not mean it in that everything in the world is acting for entertainment but that things were not as simple as they seemed, that this was a stage
and things were happening behind the scenes if that makes sense.
I may post most of the occurrences but I figured I would start with two, these are not the first occurrences but I have not experienced nor have I
heard of anything like them prior.
A few nights after the loss in my desperation I turned to taking apart reality in a wishfully what I believed to be a logical in a hypothetical sense
scientific way. I sat there in the dark and I tried to send myself a message from the present to the past. This sounds insane but I figured that time
really doesn’t exist it’s just how our minds put things together or makes sense of how things change, creating the past, present and future.
Anyway so there I was figuring since time doesn’t exist but I exist, that I could think now and it also be then and I sat there and focused on a
moment in the past when me knowing would have made a difference in the way things would have turned out. I kept telling myself or trying to tell my
past self the thing that would change everything, I did this for so long that night.
What was funny about this situation is that.. funny is not the right term.. odd about this situation is that as just after the paramedics left as I
rushed to grab things to head to the hospital I inexplicably got the very thought I was trying to later send and I called 911 back to let them know
what I suspected without knowing why I suspected this specific thing at the time (as a side note this thing was confirmed later by the hospital as
being the cause). That aside when thinking, trying to send this thinking to myself to that moment in the past with me ingraining it into my mind time
didn't really exist and that I should be me constantly throughout time all of a sudden things changed. My body straightened ridged and I saw a place
so bright.. it was obnoxiously bright. Not the type of bright that made it so I had to squint a type of bright that obscured the details of things
because my “eyes” were not adjusted. While looking in a peaceful awe It felt like I was told so much in feeling that I can only explain like
someone in a foreign language of which I knew a few words frantically explained a lot of things to me then it was over I found myself in the dark and
cooled over again. Between what the feeling "told me" experiencing the picture and warmth I ended up saying “Son of a bitch.” I didn’t know if I
already knew the things that had happened has happened prior or if something new was explained to me but either way I felt in a way that had me voice
aloud “Son of a bitch.” The warmth was interesting it wasn't hot per say; Have you ever been warmed over by love? The warmth was like that.
All I pulled from that experience was what I mentioned leaving me saying aloud to myself "Son of a bitch." I was in a miserable state until I had a
dream some time after that among other things said my time on this earth was short and that put me in good sprits during the next two days of my
waking moments. I felt clear again if that makes any sense, clearer than I have ever felt; It was if normally I constantly am processing so many
things that don't matter but in those few days I let it go, leaving me feeling… as best as I can describe it "clear". During that time I had in the
shower what felt like a spoken conversation with the departed.. but not with words. I would use words aloud and what I would get back was a feeling
that I could intuitively interpret as clearly as English. Not words in my head but like a spoken conversation all the same. Like you when you get a
feeling that tells you "This is a bad idea" or "Don't do it" or "Stay home." except for it was a conversation... Yes it occurred to me later that I
was cracked but that aside it still felt like I had a conversation with them like any other.. a playfully serious argument at that. This moment helped
me make sense of the previous moment I had when I saw the bright place and felt like someone was telling me too much too quick in a language that they
thought I could understand but I could only catch a vague gist of it. I hesitated to tell anyone this…which I did for weeks but eventually told my
brother who reacted to it rather stoically and my mother who asked me what I thought it meant. At first I told her as I told my brother that I
attributed it to me cracking or maybe a seizure or something of that like but when thinking about it I said “It felt like someone was frantically
telling me “Calm down, look! It’s ok!” and said way too much for me to understand at that point but essentially calm down.
Other things have happened and my existential research has deepened leaving me with a lot of possible answers (not specifically confined to these
occurrences) but despite logical answers (answers of which I nor the people I consult with can find holes) they seemed to have led me deeper into the
rabbit hole which has warped my perspective of everything. Like the backdrop of the play has been kicked down and I do not know what to make of what
I'm looking at behind the scenes. That aside I post these first two things simply to ask if anyone has ever encountered anything similar? Despite me
asking those close to me if I've lost it and they assuring me I have not I am left with so many experiences of which I know no one personally who have
shared them and as such I can't help but feel detached and well quite a bit insane.I don't mean insane as in crazy but insane as in having a
perspective alien to everyone else I know through my subjective experiences and perspectives built through logic and research, some of those
experiences inexplicably verified externally and perspectives which has stood the test of those I trust to take apart my ideas and research given they
see the holes.
Well that's it for now, thanks for reading.
edit on 3-12-2013 by Strayed because: (no reason given)
edit on 3-12-2013 by
Strayed because: Spelling.