posted on Nov, 28 2013 @ 02:09 PM
The situation requires a background to be fair to those that have advice to offer. I could give a watered down version, one sided in my
direction, but I have to be honest to a fault. Therefore, I will be rather scathing about my own mistakes in this scenario. Let me have it full guns
blazing for those that don't approve. I would appreciate the benefit of the doubt, however, I may not deserve it.
3 years ago I lost a custody battle involving my son. My ex was manipulative prior to the divorce and created a situation that gave me no chance by
conspiring to keep the house out of my name and making it impossible for me to challenge the fact my son deserved to stay in the house and go to his
same school. I didn't want to make an issue of it because I didn't want to drag him through a negative situation any worse than it already was. I
received a structured visitation/shared custody schedule that detailed specifics regarding holidays and specific dates throughout the year.
I was able to maintain a relationship with him that was the best possible one I could have. I didn't live very close anymore and it was difficult
for him to go through the process, I did the best I could. He was 12 at the time and now he is becoming a teenager, but I am not able to be near him
right now and that is difficult for me to handle. I got remarried and had a situation that required my spouse and I move to a different city. It was
work related and unavoidable, but I have done what I can to maintain contact with my kid daily through Skype and phone calls. I think he was relieved
that the shared custody situation didn't require him coming to my house anymore; it was a huge inconvenience for him to go through that during a
Before the divorce, my son and I had a very close relationship; I made sure I was home everyday when he got out of school. I was the disciplinarian
for his behavior problems and he understood never to lie to me. This changed drastically for obvious reasons, but it recently hit me really hard
because of this problem I am sharing and asking for advice on how to handle. Usually, I have all the answers, but this time I am doing my best to not
jump to conclusions and react with anger.
Thanksgiving is not especially important to me except for the fact how important it was to my Mother before she passed. It was written into my
visitation schedule as being the only holiday that was non-negotiable for that reason. My Father is still with us and even though I am not there, it
was expected that my son would still be with my family. I asked him for 3 weeks what the plan was and he told me my Father had not been cleared to
travel yet and if they didn’t go to Atlanta this week that he was going to be with my Father.
The last time we talked, yesterday, my son lead me to believe that the situation was this: They were not going to Atlanta and he would be spending
time with my Father and we would talk today. I called my son….no answer…looked on Skype…not logged on….called my Father…in Atlanta….what?
When I talked to my Father he informed me that he offered to take my son with him, but he declined in order to go with my ex to his uncles house
instead…needless to say…I am furious, but at who? Myself, my son, my ex?
Well myself for not asking the right question, my son for flat out lying to me and my ex for making sure my son was not in contact with me today. I
know how manipulative my ex can be and the kind of crap that can be spoken to my son about me to justify behavior…I am trying really hard not to be
angry with my son about this, but I feel as though our relationship has just taken a turn I never wanted. I don’t expect to talk to him at all this
weekend now and I may not have the chance to repair this ever and I am just so angry and sad and hurt. I really hope he has a good explanation, but I
may not even deserve one or get the truth either way.
So, what should I do? Wait for him to contact me or confront him? Or just blow it off and not pursue any of it at all? I mean the damage is done
right? I don’t want to lose him anymore than I have already? Do I have a right to know? Or did I forfeit that when I allowed myself to be
manipulated out of custody? Does the fact I moved make my rights disappear? Am I overreacting? I am really interested in hearing opinions on this