I'll tell you guys a funny story about me first disovering the damn onion
I was 15 years old back in highschool in 2002, and was in the Walgreens store in the morning a block away from school stocking up on my daily junkfood
stash for the day.
I have never heard of the onion, didn't know about it, didn't know they made satire newspapers at all, just didn't know. Saw this newspaper and
thought it was a friggin newspaper.
I see a front page story on the paper rack about NASA building a giant planet sized fan to positioning it in space to cool the earth down because
I lose my sh*t and gran the paper. I ask myself "HOW THE MOTHERF**K ARE THEY GOING TO DO THIS?!!? WHAT ABOUT THE SUN!?!?" I am simultaneously
wondering why this is not on the news, and how we will live looking up into the sky, but instead of the sky, there is a fan. The sky is the fan
No clear, blue, graceful air, no sunshine, as far as your eyes can see, just a blade spinning behind those industrial looking grill protectors so your
hands don't get hit by the blades when handling the fan while spinning.as far as your eyes can see, and a loud, deafening, whooing sound that those
fans make, only X1,000,000 louder, heard all over the world, whether you like it or not. It goes on to say that NASA has this giant fan built already,
and is trying to figure out the best way to suspend this fan over the earth's atmosphere. It said that if things go as planned, and they can come to
general consensus on what method to use for perpetual suspension of the planet fan, it can will be ready for implementation by late 2003. We spoke of
how the earth was warming up at an alarming rate in science class, and was reviewed in the textbook, so this was all to real to me. They even showed a
graphic of one of those square shaped industrial looking fans positioned over the earth, and the air flow of the fans wind current represented by blue
arrows angling in curves upwards and around the earth. That sealed it for me within that short amount of time.
I felt this sick, sinking, feeling in my stomach, followed by deep fear and depression at the thought of this. Visions of a grey, post apocalyptic
world with everyone depressed, and everyone forming factions that fight for land with sunlight so they could be happy, if just for a day, before a
more meaner faction came and blew them away dead for the sunlight. Luckily, all these thoughts only lasted for about 7 seconds when my eyes look over
the whole front page and see other articles like alien cyborgs makes contact, demands human cake for planetary survival, and President Bush to sign
emergency twinky resupply act. Or something wacky like that of the sort. I then say "Wait, Hold up...oh."
I left the store laughing to myself how i almost got worked up into immediate fear and depression of having the sky become a fan, and then i make the
mistake of telling my teachers and friends about my blunder, resulting in everyone laughing at me or shaking their heads in amazement or disbelief.
Apparently i was the only one who never heard of the onion at the time, i guess.
No bullsh*t, no embellishment. True story. The onion momentarily scared the crap out of me.