Childless by Choice?

I have to say, really really grateful for this thread. Last night was very blue, kids expressing fallout from the things I wish I could have done, feeling as if things were my fault, and wondering how to create more awareness and thoughtfulness in them, and then some kind of sorting process while I slept, putting things into perspective with my life situation and the platform to teach more real values, to keep them safe, not a part of the world, except if they can develop helping skills as they grow. And surrounded by a support team and feelings of inadequacy not fading, but kind of part of the tapestry and not serious, put it in perspective, and use humor is the thing that comes frequently, and this morning, writing out the wonderful real values that the world and its structures tries to destroy, they try to limit and destroy family because it affects FAMILY and eternity for individuals. And when you get in touch with your journey, its not about keeping up with the Jone's or even having the approval of the Jone's, its about Love. This world is really abundance and people should never sell out. When things aren't working and you can't live free in an area, then pray, meditate, envision and strive for an alternative to open up.

But this really grounded me. Its like They were working overtime to reach me. Thanks everyone, wouldn't trade any of that stuff for the real gold.

Now, the only thing that is valuable in this, is the stress free environment of living without children, the peace and happiness, laughter in a house, or with one or 2, relatively healthy children that get along, such as gentle souls, or a boy and girl spaced nicely. With good health and like one of my friends, wonderful energy, up late, playing music, while busy all day.

With so many now opting out, I don't understand the world being as it is. Because the freedom of health and peace means people should not be plugging in to the world's programs, the countries economy programs, it would mean, even if one worked at mcdonald's it would be short term to start a business. And then a couple more, and volunteer and get communities awake, and create alternatives to all corporate monopolies, there is so much that could be done, with health, stress free environments.

I always envied my friends energy and that she had kids gone for a while, then only her grandson. And couldn't understand not doing something out of the box. But she was spending a life time healing up, so not really functional enough to propel forward. I wonder if that's true for everyone here. Or if some are just so plugged into the machine.

Don't give in to the world, don't sell out, if you're really free that way, create a pocket of solutions and eutopia. Pull out of areas that are too costly.

I never dreamed of getting married and having kids. My plan was to go to Africa to study gorillas- 100% serious! Not that I didn't like kids, just had never really been around them. My 2 siblings and I are very close in age, and I never did the babysitting thing! Then I met my now husband, married fast and too young. Found out about a month after the honeymoon that I was expecting! I actually took the pregnancy test as a joke and had no idea! I was so upset almost the entire 9 months. I was petrified I would be a mother that forms no emotional bond with her child. That didn't happen. I have 3 beautiful children now and wouldn't change it for anything! Although it is one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I miss being able to be selfish and do what I want. I wouldn't mind having more, but it would be extremely stressful right now. I personally wouldn't want to have anymore past the age of 35. I'm only 28 now, my oldest is 7, and boy does my body feel achy sometimes already!
I know children aren't for everyone, but they brought so much joy into my life!

reply to post by Rhoswen


I too am childfree so as not to pass on suffering. There is no doubt in my mind (and never has been) that this is the path for me.

I have been refused a permanent solution because I was 27, single and childfree when I asked. I will be going back in April and asking again at 30, single and childfree. Wish me luck...

Thankfully, I am getting to that age when people offer less opinions such as 'You will change your mind when you're older.' and 'Your instincts will kick in'.

The older I get the more my instincts tell me I am doing the right thing.

Rhoswen
Hi, ATS'ers!

Being fairly new to ATS, I was wondering how many of you are childless by choice, or "childfree". My husband and I are in our mid-forties and have been married for 12 years. We made a decision six months after we got married not to have kids--and took permanent measures to make sure we didn't. We both have a lot of reasons for making this decision, but one of the main ones for me is to avoid passing suffering on to another human being. We've never regretted it--in fact, at least a few times a month, I find myself thinking that, in a life riddled with questionable decisions, not having kids probably the best decision I ever made. Did you decide not to have kids? If so, why? Do you ever regret it? Do you think that you were destined to have kids or not have kids? I'm curious!

That's fine, but why do you feel the need to justify your decision to not reproduce?
I don't get the impression that couples with kids have given the matter much thought, or any thought, why should you?

I don't have kids and it's not by choice but by circumstance. I'm too old now to have any even if I wanted - which I don't. But who cares anyway?

You have kids, you don't have kids...so what?

By starting a thread on the subject and petitioning strangers on what they think, it sounds like you're a bit conflicted.

I would hate to put the burden of child-baring onto any female... beautiful at a certain point to most, correct? but to what price? sometimes fatal results just to put another beautiful, full of laughter, little angel, mouth to feed at the table?

At the end of the day we realize our doctors, lawyers, and pastors are all overran by a sinister corporate plan that puts the fatman's pockets ahead of the dying 25 year old female with multiple sclerosis.

This day and age the od'd junkie musician who had a world ahead of him but decided otherwise is the best symbolic wake up call put on display for the masses.....

Which concludes the decision on why my gf and I both have chosen to never bare anymore burdens to this world.

If there is no donkey to follow your carrot... this carriage will ride no more.