A moment of sobriety....time to re-evaluate things.

As i have mentioned in another thread, i have been working on helping the homeless by giving them the basics to keep them warm in what is to be yet another cold winter.

I help a few charities in some way or another, but it's the ones like the homeless, who have very little, which have made me take a good look at how i live.

Yesterday my girlfriend and i went to a resturant where you can buy a cheap carvery, as much as you want to be honest like a Christmas dinner. Now i like my food, so i piled it on. Sitting down to eat it, even i could see it was a stupid amount, probably could have fed four adults comfortably.

Looking out the window, seeing so many people sauntering by with very little, i suddenly felt really crap. There's me and my girlfriend tucking into more than what some people eat in a week if they are lucky.... whilst also discussing ways to help the homeless.

I felt greedy. Embarrassed. Guilty. I think mainly greedy though, especially as a fraction of my meal would have been enough. My girlfriend pointed out a young homless guy who she often saw sleeping rough, so i asked him if he wanted to join us for a roast dinner. He was reluctant to eat in the bar, so instead i got him a big hot dinner to take away. He was totaly overwhelmed.

It was like i was given a kick up the backside to change certain aspects of my life. What i eat, what i own, what i do, is my time productive to myself and others?

Bottom line, whilst i am not well off, i have so much i don't need. So a lifestyle "downsize" is in order.

Feeling quite motivated by it today insread of guilty, sort it out rather than wallow in it.

I wondered if anyone else felt this way? Have you met someone or a group of people thar totaly changed how you live your life and think of others?

CX.

reply to post by CX


why do you feel guilt over utilizing your resources?

Yes, have compassion for your fellow man. I agree. but when you already live modestly, why lower your living standards? Just so you aren't guilty?

I have known several homeless folks over the years. I have known several low income folks over the years. While there are no rules as to who is homeless, one thing that you will notice is that homeless people typicall have behaviors and viewpoints that put them in that position.

I tell managers who manage lower income workers to expect the drama. Their employees work for lower wages for a reason. It isn't voluntary....people don't prefer it. So there is a reason why someone making minimum wage is making minimum wage (at least in our West Texas economy).

While reserving some of your compassion for the homeless, remember to have more compassion for the guy who pays your bills by working: you.

I would rather hire someone in need to help me with things around the house and supply him/her with a meal. It gives a person respect when they do something to earn some money. I can't afford to pay much but I can afford to give a modest wage and a meal. I wouldn't hire a contractor for this anyway, I am not taking away money from people who work in the fields because of this. You have to make sure you do this with someone you can trust though, it is pretty hard to distinguish someone honest from someone who would steal what you have if they find out you have it sometimes.

It was a considerate thing you did though. We often ignore these people or inappropriately call them bums when in fact some are just people with problems. S&F. In the city it is harder to do what I said above, in a small town you get to know these people and learn if they are trustworthy.

Everything you have you have because of other people. Whether you are a small time family man or a big time CEO running a fortune 500 company. The only thing this isn't true for, is possibly a hermit with no outside contact his whole life. But unless he was raised by the wolves, he can pass that feeling to his forefathers.

Now, you shouldn't feel guilty, as you can't help someone unless you take care of yourself first. Sometimes selfishness is the most selfless thing you can do.

Let's say tomorrow you grabbed a job paying 2Mil+ a year. But realized that 500k let you and your wife live comfortably. You decide to donate 1.5m or funnel it into some type of charity, or even business which helps people lessor than you. That job could have gone to someone who squandered it on hookers, and there should be no blame or guilt because you decide to spend a quarter of what you earned.

If you are mad at the income gap, set up a company that doesn't have one. (Very hard to stay afloat though.) People complain about a CEO getting a 5 mil bonus, but divided among 20,000 workers, that's only $250.

I think we lost this sense of reality a long while ago. Helping yourself comes first. Forcing someone to help you, or feeling guilty when you help yourself doesn't help anyone.

it's good that you help people. Although for the most part we all are where we are because of the choices we've made, or so they say. Might only be true 50% of the time though. Seems like the other 50 percent, life will decide for us whether we want it to or not. But then if we don't make the right choices lifes end goes up to 100% of the decision making.

What I do at resturants is I order and I take half the meal home as a second meal. Not always but often.

reply to post by CX


What a sweet and giving heart you have! xoxo

I do feel guilty when I don't give when asked. Meaning the ones that stand on the side of the road and ask for money or ask to buy a paper or something outside a grocery store they are selling to raise money.

I feel guilty when I don't pick up a walker.

I feel guilty when I throw away left overs.

I feel guilty when I eat big meals and give nothing to the homeless man or woman sitting right outside the restaurant.

So yeah.... I totally understand. Maybe we have more compassion for the less fortunate.

There are times when I give to all of the above ^^ but when I don't I do feel bad.

bigfatfurrytexan
reply to post by CX

 

why do you feel guilt over utilizing your resources?

Yes, have compassion for your fellow man. I agree. but when you already live modestly, why lower your living standards? Just so you aren't guilty?

I have known several homeless folks over the years. I have known several low income folks over the years. While there are no rules as to who is homeless, one thing that you will notice is that homeless people typicall have behaviors and viewpoints that put them in that position.

I tell managers who manage lower income workers to expect the drama. Their employees work for lower wages for a reason. It isn't voluntary....people don't prefer it. So there is a reason why someone making minimum wage is making minimum wage (at least in our West Texas economy).

While reserving some of your compassion for the homeless, remember to have more compassion for the guy who pays your bills by working: you.

I agree with this ^^^ completely.
The family and I do things for the homeless every year... there are a heck of a lot more this year though. When younger I really thought I was wonderful for my generosity and compassion.. now that Im older I see it isnt a generous and giving heart. Its because its MY prerogative to help anyone and for what I get out of it. If I want to be hard on others, I guess I need to be hard on myself as well, eh? In any case... being in contact with many many homeless and poor over the years you are absolutely correct.. there is a REASON for their plight most of the time.. which is THEIR prerogative. ( and Im using prerogative in the strictest sense of the word)

reply to post by Advantage


I've had both very negative and very positive interactions with homeless people.
One guy asked for money so he could buy a sandwich so I gave him a sandwich which he threw back at me.
Another time I picked up a guy hitchhiking in zero degree weather on Christmas Eve who said he had no place to go. He ended up spending Christmas in my home with 2 small kids (my wife was nearly livid). He found a job within a week and remained a friend for many years.
Some people are homeless due to addictions.
We should treat the addiction instead of punishing the poverty.
Some are homeless by choice and enjoy the complete lack of responsibility - fine, but then we have no responsibility towards them either.

Bravo CX. You have a big heart and I thank you for doing what you can to help these people.
We can all do a little more than we do already.

Asktheanimals
reply to post by Advantage

 

I've had both very negative and very positive interactions with homeless people.
One guy asked for money so he could buy a sandwich so I gave him a sandwich which he threw back at me.
Another time I picked up a guy hitchhiking in zero degree weather on Christmas Eve who said he had no place to go. He ended up spending Christmas in my home with 2 small kids (my wife was nearly livid). He found a job within a week and remained a friend for many years.
Some people are homeless due to addictions.
We should treat the addiction instead of punishing the poverty.
Some are homeless by choice and enjoy the complete lack of responsibility - fine, but then we have no responsibility towards them either.

Bravo CX. You have a big heart and I thank you for doing what you can to help these people.
We can all do a little more than we do already.

edit on 21-11-2013 by Asktheanimals because: (no reason given)

Exactly.. there are REASONS. Addictions, bad choices, bad decisions, etc. I have only met a few who actually CHOSE homelessness and I do believe mental illness was involved. That is a reason. Saying there is a reason someone has a min wage job or no job isnt a bad thing.. its simply a truth. Definitely gives you the basis of trying to help rather than just giving them a bandaid to make yourself feel better, less guilty, warm and fuzzy for being a "good" person. Motivations out of guilt arent really motivations at all. If you see the bare reasons and still commit to give... Thats some real giving.

I have one for you. LOL! Years ago when I was still competing and at the top of my game.. It was snowing and I saw an old guy carrying like 6 grocery bags walking home. I pulled over and told him Id give him a ride and we were off. The ENTIRE ride he lambasted me for picking up strangers. LMAO!! He was great! "A girl like you shouldnt be picking up strange men after dark!!" He had no idea I could have broken his neck in about 2 seconds... I thought of it but didnt tell him " yeah, well you shouldnt shouldnt get in a car with ANYONE 30 years younger than you.. they may be potentially dangerous and want to rob you of those snack cakes I spied in your bag because Im trying to gain for another weight class...." LOL!! Anyway, we remained friends and after work Id take him grocery shopping once a week until he passed in 1998. THAT is the guy who taught me about several things Ive spoken about on here.

A lot of the homeless people here in Dublin, Ireland, are addicts. They all tap for money. Some write poetry on the pavement, some draw amazing pictures. (we are the land of artists after all).
i always give them something to eat instead of money. Sometimes a sandwich, sometimes just a mars bar. But never cash, they'll only go buy drugs with it.
But the ones that really piss me off are the Romanians. These people are con artists. They sit under bank machines with no shoes or socks on pretending to be poor. Or they walk around doubled over as if they cant walk upright. Or worst of all, they sit there all day with a very young child begging. ive seen the bloke with no shoes get off a train on his way to his spot with shoes on. And the man that is doubled over operates at traffic lights. ive also seen him walking along not a bother on him at all.
My point being there are needy people and there are fakers.
Be aware of who you donate to, not everyone on the streets is needy.

Thanks for the replies everyone, some really interesting info there.

Yes i know that many on the street are totaly pulling a fast one, i will be donating stuff to shelters that work directly with people who really need this stuff. So hopefully, the needy will indeed get something.

It is easy to get tricked though....and i'm a sucker for helping someone who sounds like they are in need. Fell for it the other day in fact, young lad about 20 years old sat next to me sounding all upset and like he had special needs, on the phone to his dad, saying that he was £2.70 short for his train fare. He sounded real upset, so i gave him £5 for the fare and a drink on the train.

A week later, same guy, same place, i hear him sat next to a lady saying EXACTLY the same words on his phone to his "dad". Then i hear him stop the special needs voice, and start chatting to a mate who was walking past.....only to then do the whole "£2.70 short for train fare" speech again sat next to another guy!

We had a chat put it that way.

I wouldn't have cared if he'd asked, but to pretend you have mental health issues to con someone, that really pisses me off.

Thanks again anyway, much appreciated.

CX.

CX

I wondered if anyone else felt this way? Have you met someone or a group of people thar totaly changed how you live your life and think of others?

CX.

edit on 21/11/13 by CX because: spelling

I met the amorphous blob of people who enjoy gathering in temporary circles and altering our standard conditions. Things have been aaaaallllllrrrriiiiiigghhhhhtttttttt......just fine. And I can think it all sorts of ways.