How do I regain her trust ?
Girls are more emotional than boys, and their emotions are what runs them between the ages of 10 - 20. When they are scared, they are going to lash out at someone... usually the closest one to them at the time.
Hey Cody my friend....I have the utmost respect for you hun.
I understand that pain, as I'm in a similar situation with my son (and my only grandson). We have been estranged for a couple of years. (won't go into the details because this is your story not mine).
The pain...oh yes, it hurts with every beat of my heart.
the only advice I could give you is be there for every slap in the face and keep getting up and being there for the next slap.
Hopefully your daughter and my friend's son will reconsider and change their feelings.
Time. She's only 17, she's not done yet. Give her time. Hopefully the reputation you have among those who know you well will find its way to your daughter.
Same for my sister. She divorced when her son was around seven or eight. He went with his dad. The bad thing is, he bad-mouthed my sister and her son believed every word of it. He wanted nothing to do with her until he grew up one day and realized everything his dad said about his mom were lies, spoken as a way to get revenge on my sister.
I am sure that you want to let this go now, it takes courage to open up your personal life in a public domain. Just let me say this? I have seen exactly what you're going through first hand, only I was on the other side of it because I adopted my Wife and I's son many years ago. See what I did there bro?
I am sure the 10 years away has caused bitterness, but it's understood that the distance between you played it's part. It also sounds like your ex has succeeded in making it difficult for you to come face to face with your Daughter during that time and up until now. This tragedy happens every single day all over the world, and it's a shame.