Above All [NOV2013]
BY: [Writer] Ldyserenity
I guess I should start at the beginning; even though I have left plenty of texts to anybody who’d care to read it. Maybe it wasn't too clear
though, and besides it’s been translated and incorrectly interpreted too many times to count, that I think it could use some clarification. Before
me I know not what was, or would be, I knew nothing but darkness and awareness. I just wanted more than anything not to be alone, but alone is what I
was. From nothing, I had a thought to light the darkness and it was. Whatever I thought would or could possibly be, was just like that, and it’s how
I kept myself sane, and how I could possibly discover what I was and why I existed. Was there any thought behind me becoming? And if so where was the
origin of this thought? Was it so distant from me that I could not see it? Was I the only? It’s still very much a mystery to me. And for that I am
sorry.
What I do know is that like any being that first realizes that they are aware, I sought an answer. But more importantly, I didn’t want to be
alone, and what else does a being want, but love and adoration, so I began my work, selfishly creating beings made of light that were entirely made to
worship and adore me. What would you have done? Of course you’d do the same. Isn’t that all that any being with awareness wants most?
Unfortunately, this was not as satisfying as is too painfully obvious when other beings have no other choice but to love you. You know it’s because
you have created them only to serve that purpose alone. It’s especially a bland flavor of love. None of them would ever dare go against me or
question my authority ever. They couldn’t possibly, you see, they did all that I wanted them to do. Was I angered when one of them did question me?
Of course not, I was angry because that is exactly what I wanted that being to do. I couldn’t exactly destroy that being, now could I? I mean the
being only was there to please me. Even though I didn’t exactly know what it was I was looking for at that time. So what did I do? I cast the being
into whatever darkness remained, where the light never touched. It wasn’t because I was angry, but it was more that the being was a reminder at how
I failed myself. I mean there is absolutely no chance of learning anything of value if everything that you created just adores you and obeys you
mindlessly. That was what I learned right off the bat. Don’t worry about the being that was cast to the darkness. That being is just alone as I was
but still loves me very much, it could do nothing less, as it was created specifically for that purpose. I sent that being out because the being’s
love for me was the strongest, and I know that being is somewhere else creating it’s own beautiful creation, learning same as I did what it’s
purpose is. You see, now that being has it’s own kingdom. And only that being could have done it.
After that I knew there had to be someone that I could give free reign to, to give choice to, to give freewill to, because without that how can
one learn to be loving and caring? First you must be loved without force, is that not true of any being? So I thought of a place where the new beings
could reside, with their freedom of choice, and the place was made and the beings placed there with other beautiful creatures with no thought, just
instinct. These beings never lived in some paradise having been handed everything in life. What kind of parent gives their children everything they
want? A unknowing one. No, life was tough, especially tough in those days. But I spoke to these beings at night to let them know that it would be
alright, that they were learning, just as I was. They were becoming something better. They would grow and expand to heights that I had wished for
them. They were, after all just infants in the world. They were new to this, and they had an advantage. They could not just conjure up beings to love
them they had to find someone who would without force, they had to bring other beings into existence in their union to each other, and their species
all depended on it. Not just instinct alone like the lower creations, but through connections and bonds and unity. But lately I’ve grown so weary
because they have not learned from their mistakes, it’s been a very long time and they still haven’t changed much from the first generation. They
are still petty, and violent, and destructive. Which leads me to question whether I should scrap the first draft and start anew? With my beings of
light, I couldn't possibly have done that, because they have never done anything wrong. They do what they’re made to do. The other beings with the
freewill however have been left instructions on how they could be but instead they remain awful like a rebellious child. Some think that I have
abandoned them. This is not true. I could never abandon my children. I just stopped talking when they stopped listening. So here is where I am at
right now. I think that I learned all I need to know, that there is no answer as to how I came to be or why. I simply am and always will be. And all
my creations are not real, they are shadows on the wall of my mind, and the only thing that I can possibly ever learn from them is that no matter how
things work out, I will always be alone. So why am I here? It’s not a simple thing to answer. Maybe it was a horrible accident, nothing more than a
misfired proton in a dark endless unfeeling void, somehow making me aware without any other thing aware to even notice. Now what do I do with that?
I’ve seen life for my creations end so many ways, yet I will never know how to end my own awareness. That means if I destroy all I’ve created, I
will have nothing once again. Oh sure I could create much better things I’m sure. But I’d much rather see what my beings create. Someday if I’m
lucky, they’ll create something better than I could have ever imagined.
edit on 9-11-2013 by ldyserenity because:
Spacing
edit on 9-11-2013 by ldyserenity because: Spacing