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Soooooooooooo . . . you've essentially
reduced yourself and any partner to DILLDO status and that's
PROGRESS AND HEALTHY?
That increases your sense of self-worth; quality; maturity; value?
Before long, they'll have cubicles at the mall . . . insert your card or chip-bearing hand and the virtual FWB gives you XX seconds or minutes of dopamine high . . . .
and you & cohorts pretend that's satisfying?
What a cheap level of "satisfying."
All because the intricacies of the profoundly enriching dance of a REAL HEART-INTIMATE RELATIONSHP
are too troublesome to learn . . .
Sounds quite familiar . . . perhaps very difficult to almost impossible to learn atop the likely handicap so many of our era have of ATTACHMENT DISORDERED brain damage in the areas of the brain dealing with emotional expression and relationship navigation--as MRI studies have affirmed.
Yeah, LOVE IS COSTLY.
Else it would not be worthy the word.
It's also the most rewarding experience available.
reply to post by BO XIAN
OK, so you're condescending and make wild assumptions about myself and the way I live my life.
Then try and tell me that love makes you mature, wise, fulfilled, or whatever other generic positive description of a human that a closed, fearful, spiteful little mind can muster up. Hogwash. Take a look in the mirror, bub.
Sometimes, sure. There's no one way that a relationship can go. Sometimes people use each other for sex, sometimes it's companionship, sometimes it's money, sometimes it's for business. There can be any level of depth so long as it doesn't reach unhealthy levels(love).
Love is associated with codependency.
When things stay more casual people are less dependent on each other. They fight less, and if they do fight, cutting ties is much easier, and makes for faster healing wounds too.
You see, here's where your closed mindedness really shines.
You think just because I sleep with multiple girls that somehow I don't respect them.
What is this weird association you have with sex and disrespect.
Why do you make that assumption? I happen to like my friends.
Keeping our relationships civil means less need for lying, less need for being possessive, no jealousy, none of the negatives that always develop out of so called loving relationships.
Even when we aren't seeing each other romantically I manage to remain friends or acquaintances with most of these girls for a long long time. How many loving relationships can say that after a breakup?
um, yes? maybe? no? I don't care. I don't reduce people to "dilldo status"(seriously?) often, but when I do there's an understanding. It's never a one way street.
And I'm not out looking for another person to increase my self worth, and value....that sounds like the type of stupid behavior of some desperate person looking to fall in love.
wow, yeah, me and my cohorts, that's what we do. We just run around looking for the next orgasm. You come into a thread and just start posting this type of stuff about another member of whom you know nothing about and then have the nerve to act all holier than thou with me? You're a joke.
I guess a real heart intimate relationship is only what you think it is, screw everyone else.
And since you're the sole keeper of this information, better keep it a secret and not elaborate even a little bit on what a vague term like real heart intimate relationship actually means.
Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.
. . .
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.
. . .
. . . You see, ask ten people what they think love is and get ten different responses.
By virtue of this, the term becomes generic and meaningless.
New Living Translation (NLT)
Love Is the Greatest
13 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.
11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.
It also creates conflict in what people see as a loving relationship which creates a high probability of one or both partners being less than satisfied with the relationship, to say the least.
The actual use of the term is for no other functional purpose than a false sense of security of one's self or others, and of course for coercion and manipulation.
Yea, thanks for providing a link to whatever junk science website can back up this totally outrageous statement.
Many can't fall in love because they have brain damage? Yeah brilliant.
I would contend that almost everyone would say they've been in love. Try flipping it around. What if not forming codependent attachments was the norm? What if not forming bonds with people out of fear or desperation was the norm? If "love" was only happening to a few people it would be considered a mental disorder. Open your eyes.
Wow, a cliche wrapped in sappy ballad rhetoric. There's more to life than making bad investments in vague concepts like love. Costly indeed.
This is a response to the 2 people dissecting each others posts.
I am a 34 yr old single lady. I wont give my opinion of either of you regarding as people as I can not possibly know enough to have an opinion, as was asked to give but I can comment on the topic of love.
I am sure that the statement given that women do want more as a matter of fact, hormones etc... I would hazard a guess that this be quite true, relating to pro-creation perhaps.
I do not however agree with the presumption that in some way the lady feels short changed by the exchange of no strings sex. You might find that a certain lady may choose to partake in casual sex for much the same reasons that a man might ie: excitement, interaction, stress relief, gratification, combat sexual tension, release of feel good vibes and perhaps the temporary joy of shared emotional connection.
Women are quite capable of having these experiences with a person without there being an ulterior motive of seeking a long term love with the other. Some individuals feel that this sort of brief attachment to another is suited to there mentality and well being rather than the majority who are in a constant need to feel "love" whether it be on a deep level or just to have someone there to go through the trials of life as a double act.
I do think a lot of people feel that to be with anybody is better than to be alone regardless of true love being present or not. Hence the comment regarding causing jealousy, fighting and other such negative things relating to committed relationships is in my mind very true in very many instances.
I believe you can share times with people in a loving, caring, sharing, meaningful way emotionally enriching way without expecting/demanding it be an all or nothing way. This is only possible if both or all parties desire it to be that way.
If for instance 2 people partake in sex and spend lovely times together (not only sexual) it could be quite true that the lady may be partaking in this with the intentions of it being much more than just this, in the hopes that if "I can catch him he will realise that he actually does want love & me as his G/F" (he already does have love that he shares on a moment to moment/person to person basis), only for her to then be heartbroken and disappointed when that does not materialize. Because the guy did genuinely only want the briefest of connections.
The fact is that there are some women who also only want this type of experience. I think that the knack is for these 2 character types to locate one another to have the most fulfilling of moments together in that way there can be no feelings of hard done by one of the pair. It may actually come to be that the 2 persons of a casual nature may find this kind of constant love (on a deeper level so to speak) with each other!
I see love a an energy that is in motion it can be shared by parties for the enjoyment of who is involved and then left at the bedroom door (or kitchen) with the mutual understanding that what you both have shared is special between only you and so a definite respect is gained and you may share it together again if the spirit moves you, but there is NO expectation for that to be the case & if it never does you don't feel any sorrow for this because what happened was just as you wanted.
You can (as a woman) just be very sexually attracted to somebody with out the need for it to be more than joint intimacy and no other goal or need is in the equation. That doesn't necessarily mean attachment issues are at play, yes perhaps they are in the types that can not show love to another if even for the briefest. It could also be a case that the said person has had relationships and loved on higher & lower levels in their life but with the knowledge of hindsight & wisdom with age about themselves they feel that this course is more suited to them & their own happiness.
Having this type of insight into yourself is a good thing from my point of view it can be painful for the other who had marriage in mind after going along with their own charade, in effect they actually got played by themselves because they took the chance by pretending they were cool with what they were doing all the while really believing that they would be the one to turn her/him and they failed.
So for their own self preservation they should stick with the people who do want what they want ie: 2.4 kids a marriage & a mortgage and likewise it would be kinder for the commitment phobic to only have such dealings with others on that wavelength also.
So after all my waffling the point is that each to there own & you can share love with others with out it having to be in the parameters of what we are told is correct and good. If you don't feel the need for the daily routine of a committed relationship in the false knowledge that this is how one feels enriched in all levels then who is anybody to say that is wrong or disorderly in some way.
It may seem foreign to many, but perhaps the conventional shape is foreign to others, who is right? We all are. If how you live your life feels good and negativity is avoided in ways of not consciously hurting another then it can not be wrong. Thank you #stepsoffsoapbox and goodnight