Loneliness, how do you deal with it?

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posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 07:27 PM
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Do you feel lonely? How do you deal with it? Kinda self explanatory I guess. I have felt lonely for a long time. I have at times fooled myself that having some friends with benefits was just fine. It's not the same as love for sure. It's a great physical release, but at the end of the day I always cherish the cuddle time after than the actual sex, which was amazing.

For a while I was able to fool myself into believing that good sex was what I was after. Good sex is great, but it is really nothing without relationships that match it. I suppose maybe I was a coward for a while. I decided to not be a coward anymore, and it bit me in the ass. I found out some things about living here, and it isn't all puppydogs and rainbows. I found out where some people stand, and it wasn't where I thought they did. Previously I would have said I would die and kill for all in my community. Now I am not so sure. They don't feel the same intense loyalty I feel apparently.

Should it affect my feelings? I am not good enough for some people's daughters here. Should I be able to just change my feelings about defending that family to the death if it comes to it? I am not able to though. Is there something wrong with me for it? I used to think I was one of them, and they felt the same. I was wrong. Should I be able to trust them to defend me with fierce loyalty? I am not sure they understand fierce loyalty outside of family. I need to rethink everything maybe.

I am not good enough for some here to be a boyfriend, let alone a son in law. Only because I was born in the US. Screw it I guess. I probably deserve to be alone. That is what I have been forever now. I am good for a lay once in a while, or some money when I am in good fortunes. That is all I am good for. Makes me want to put a bullet through my head lol.




posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 07:33 PM
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reply to post by TKDRL
 


Easy there brother, lets not get dramatic here... bullets don't solve anything...

You know what you want... Now you just need to find it

Theres plenty of fish in the sea... at least one for everyone

Though I know how you feel, sex is great but its just lovely to be close to someone special...

Be patient, you'll find her one day

edit on 9-11-2013 by Akragon because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 07:35 PM
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my lonelyness is cured by stealing neighbours cats.



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 07:37 PM
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reply to post by TKDRL
 


Man you shouldn't talk like that. I know what it's like to be lonely, though I'm not now. Sometimes a relationship can come out of the blue when you're not even looking for it. You shouldn't try to develop one with people that you only have casual relationships with, at least that's my feeling. You'll never know if they can settle down with one person or not. I just don't like to hear people talking about hurting themselves, if you really feel that way pm me first, or anyone that you feel comfortable talking to.



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 07:38 PM
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reply to post by Akragon
 


Yeah I was being dramatic. I have family that depends on me too much. I could never do that, at least at this point. It has been tempting before though, life is tough. I endure a lot, maybe I am just more of a whiny bitch than most lol. I got some problems like visual snow that gets bad at time. I am sure there are others that got worse though lol.



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 07:39 PM
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reply to post by TKDRL
 


There's always someone out there for you if you have a good heart.
In saying that, the more girls I meet, the more realize a dog is much better company.
If someone only measures you up by the size of your bank, your looks, your fashion, your coolness.. then your better off being lonely.
Sorry to see your feeling down, don't do anything stupid though, this is the only life your going to get!



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 07:40 PM
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reply to post by wtbengineer
 

Maybe you are right, maybe that is why none of mine have ever worked. Every single one I been to started as casual, then went to more serious, then to relationship. I don't know what is the right way, been wrong too many times.



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 07:43 PM
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One thing I've learned (more than once) is that "cuddly" feeling with a significant other doesn't last forever. The question of loyalty comes when the cuddly feeling goes away. This is when you learn who that person really is, and you also learn if they are someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, and it has nothing to do with "feelings". If you find someone who can deal with all your faults and shortcomings, great! We live in a pretty shallow environment now days however, so I have doubts that most people truly know what is it to actually "love" someone. People in this day in age make choices all on "feelings". Love isn't about feelings, It's hard work, and it's a daily choice both parties must choose to make. We don't live in the days of our grandparents anymore, sad to say. Divorce is way up because people have no idea what kind of work is actually involved in a long lasting marriage.

In a nutshell my friend, realistically you are not alone. It may seem like I'm ranting, but the point is, most people are shallow and don't know how to be any other way. We can't rely on others to "have our backs" because in our society we have all been raised to think someone else should be taking care of us. I say enjoy the time "alone" and learn how to live with yourself first, then you may not care so much about being alone.



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 07:45 PM
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reply to post by TKDRL
 


Forgive me , I don't quite understand .Are you living in America ,you said you were born there. Or are you living somewhere else. And your unhappy with your community and can't find the right person.
1%



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 07:46 PM
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TKDRL

I am not good enough for some here to be a boyfriend, let alone a son in law. Only because I was born in the US. Screw it I guess. I probably deserve to be alone.


Your place of birth doesnt decide your fate, nor your character.
All you can expect of people is to defend that which they cherish dearly, hence their families.

I would lay down my life to defend mine, even if they wouldnt lay theirs down for me.
Not everyone is cut out to defend what deserves protecting, so that only leaves those that are.
And talk of putting a bullet in your head, who and what is that defending?

I have been single for over 5 years. Am I lonely, not really, Im enjoying the rest from the constant nagging and mental torture.

Having a partner isnt the be all and end all of life. It has its ups and it has its downs, just like everything in life. Now finding the "right" partner, now thats a challenge.



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 07:46 PM
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reply to post by Agit8dChop
 


I don't understand people and life at all lol. Maybe I will before I croak. Got plenty that depend on me. Not sure if that is the same as loving me. I just want to be loved. The only person I know for sure loved me is mom. The only person that has never hurt me physically or mentally.



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 07:50 PM
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reply to post by TKDRL
 


AhhhhHAHAHAHA!!!! Stand back everybody!!! I'm taking my best shot here!

TKDRL I don't know you from Adam ... but I like you. When I see your avatar in a thread on ATS, I slow down and take a hard look. It wasn't the title of the thread that got my attention ... It was the author's handle.

Brother, you can go see a shrink and get some one person's bad advice. Or, you can hang out here and get bad advice from people who 'respect' you. There ain't nothing wrong with who you are or the way you perceive what's going on around you. **Ive gotta get to a keyboard to finish this**

One of the best things about the Internet is that people like 'us' eventually bump into one another. We find out we're not alone through anonymity and a great site like this one. Kinda makes it all better ... and not just for a little while. I've been a hang-out at ATS for more than a decade. I don't ascribe to everybody's opinion. I tend to pick out people who resonate with my own mindset. That said, it's a great community in the whole, and in its breadth is the true appeal.

If you're not fitting in IRL, it might just be a perception ... and a bad one at that. If you're gonna move on to greener pastures, please make sure they're really green. Moving is expensive. And then there's the frying pan and the fire thingy.

Anyway ... Bottom Line ... you ain't the only one who wonders about things. We all do that here.
edit on 9112013 by Snarl because: Finale



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 08:00 PM
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reply to post by Wookiep
 


Every single relationship that ended, it was not me ending it. The first one ever was ended because she moved away to the other side of the country with her family. Nothing either of us could do about it being so young. She was my first in every sense. The next two ended because they cheated on me. One with the guy that was supposed to be my best friend.

After that it has been nightmare after nightmare. Every time I open myself up, I end up paying by wanting to curl up in a ball and crying myself to sleep lmao. So much easier than dealing with reality, humping any hot girl that says yeah and not investing feelings. I wish I could be happy with that. Now, I guess it's time to start planning my escape from here. If someone don't want me to be with their daughter, then they got something against me becuase I am born US, or becuase I am Native. That is about all I can think of.



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 08:02 PM
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If it's any consolation, I personally have had no lover in my life for quite a number of years now, as I had gone through a similar state of life. It's a transitional period in becoming "true to yourself." I suspect you also find yourself in social scenes, (out clubbing or pubbing or what have you,) and you look around and think, "what the heck am I doing here?" It's normal and in the end beneficial. I suggest picking up an art form as a hobby to amuse yourself in the mean time, a musical instrument, paint brush or stone chisel can be an excellent way to present new forms of love that are more productive and valuable than a plastic relationship.



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 08:02 PM
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reply to post by TKDRL
 


Whenever I feel lonely, I think to myself, "This too shall pass." I've been burned by too many women and now carry the baggage that goes along with it. But being lonely is only a passing moment, usually sparked by some sappy show I'm watching. (Or family) For the most part, I am happy with who I am.

I haven't given up hope mind you. I'm just not looking anymore.

Once I accepted who I am, life became a whole lot easier.



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 08:02 PM
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TKDRL
reply to post by Akragon
 


Yeah I was being dramatic. I have family that depends on me too much. I could never do that, at least at this point. It has been tempting before though, life is tough. I endure a lot, maybe I am just more of a whiny bitch than most lol. I got some problems like visual snow that gets bad at time. I am sure there are others that got worse though lol.


See that's more like it... Keep on keepin on my friend...

Have you tried asking God for what you're looking for?

I know it sounds cleché but it just might help




posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 08:03 PM
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reply to post by Snarl
 


I tried the whole shrink thing when I was a kid/teen. They don't know much lol. Their drugs messed me up pretty good. I was able to quit the last SSNRI I was on cold turkey, even though the side effects were horrible. Meanwhile I can't wuit smoking tobacco. Brain shivers don't got nothing on no tobacco rage lol.



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 08:04 PM
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Brother, I feel ya. I get the same from time to time. I have no friends, partly being a totally social awkward spaz as well as being agoraphobic. When I get too down I always remember the movie "It's a Wonderful Life". I try to imagine if I've never been born and the way I influenced some people, family as well as strangers, over the years. There is a hope I had one positive influence over the past few decades.



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 08:08 PM
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I wish I could be happy with that. Now, I guess it's time to start planning my escape from here. If someone don't want me to be with their daughter, then they got something against me becuase I am born US, or becuase I am Native. That is about all I can think of.
reply to post by TKDRL
 


Brother, you gotta forget all that and realize you are better than that. Like I said, people are shallow, and sad to say, especially the super hot ones lol. You are who you are, become comfortable with that first, don't try to escape it. It's a struggle, yes, but such is life. The more confident we become in ourselves, the less reliable we become on others.
edit on 9-11-2013 by Wookiep because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 9 2013 @ 08:08 PM
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reply to post by Akragon
 


Yeah I tried that. Was a born again christian for a lot of my childhood. Had hoped god would help me then, when I had migraines at least once a week. My aunt's told me god would help me. He didn't for some reason. I am often torn as to why? Was I not good enough? He didn't help with my mental problems either.

One of the reasons I hate god so much. He didn't help me. He didn't help a lot of people I knew. We all asked sincerely, and were impressionable kids.
edit on Sat, 09 Nov 2013 20:10:22 -0600 by TKDRL because: (no reason given)





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