My life is gone....

Hello ATS

I do not expect you to read this.

I was enaged to the best woman in the world, and she decidied to end it with me. I never did anything wrong, and if I did I would man up to it. I an torn apart.

I cant work, eat, think, my mind if focused in her. I love her and I an torn... I come to ATS with this because all the advice I've got so far has been crap, I know ATS members have been in me spot and I want thier opinon.

-SAP-

SloAnPainful
Hello ATS

I do not expect you to read this.

I was enaged to the best woman in the world, and she decidied to end it with me. I never did anything wrong, and if I did I would man up to it. I an torn apart.

I cant work, eat, think, my mind if focused in her. I love her and I an torn... I come to ATS with this because all the advice I've got so far has been crap, I know ATS members have been in me spot and I want thier opinon.

-SAP-

Well, if you think you never did anything wrong, that might be what you are doing wrong...

SloAnPainful
Hello ATS

I do not expect you to read this.

I was enaged to the best woman in the world, and she decidied to end it with me. I never did anything wrong, and if I did I would man up to it. I an torn apart.

I cant work, eat, think, my mind if focused in her. I love her and I an torn... I come to ATS with this because all the advice I've got so far has been crap, I know ATS members have been in me spot and I want thier opinon.

-SAP-

Sorry - Everybody does something wrong - we are not victums but participants in our lives. It will pass.

reply to post by boncho


I should have known better I guess..

She came at me with this @#$^ out of no where... I lost 8 years of my life do to this. I was hopeing I would get advice not crap.

I normally like your posts Boncho.

-SAP-

You could always stalk her, or cut off an ear.
If your not into those ideas then spend some time with hookers and some boozy mates.
It will pass eventually and then you will find another person who is worth your time and effort.

reply to post by SloAnPainful

I was enaged to the best woman in the world, and she decided to end it with me.

Those are the worst. Love lost. There is no advice to give. You have to grieve for now. Everything you do will remind you of her, every song, every waking moment, in the middle of the sleepless night you will lay there and beat yourself up what went "wrong".

That is completely normal human reaction, nothing wrong there.

reply to post by intrptr


You sir are a smart man. Thats exactly my problem. I'm effed.

=SAP-

reply to post by SloAnPainful


Although, I have never experienced your situation...I would say to you to really think about everything you've done for this woman. If you truly know that you've been good to her and were just being yourself, then move on. I don't mean that in an insensitive way either. I mean, what else can or could you have done but be you. If she doesn't like it, guess what....there's another who will love you and everything you have to offer.

All you have to offer any person is you and if they feel it's not what they want, then hey...this woman probably did you a favor. You will be a treasure trove to someone else. I have been with my husband for 20 years and boy did I give him a run for his money so to speak (he was a big asshole in the beginning...now he's just a little asshole). He's arrogant, egotistical and in his eyes, he never looses. Guess what? I love him sooooo much, because I accepted him entirely and all his fantastical beliefs (rolling my eyes here). That's what you should expect a woman who loves you to do...accept you entirely.

The letting go starts now...if she tries to come back....play hardball and figure out how bad you really want her and if "she's worth it".

I'm just keeping it real and I wish you the best.

SMILE

I am sorry SAP that you are hurting. Losing someone like that hurts so bad mentally that it comes through physically as well.

Thinking you did no wrong may be right on a grand scale, but I have often heard that it isn't the elephant in the room that destroys marriages/relationships... it's the ants in the drawer. Which is to say that it's the little things that build up over time and we all have them and we all put up with them from our partners. There are those though, that want perfection and they will never find it in a human. It doesn't exist.

She may have gotten tired of the ants in the drawer in your case, but to end it with no explanation out of the blue and after so long... it makes me wonder if she didn't have another prospect in mind. I don't say that to hurt you further or make you angry but it has been my experience that when someone is super quick to break something off out of the blue, there is sometimes someone else in the picture.

I hope there is not and all she needs is a little time. She does however owe you an explanation. 8 years is a long time and she should respect you enough to tell you why she left. In the meantime keep chugging along. I wish I had better advice, but alas... hurt is hurt and nothing but time can really ease that.

SloAnPainful
reply to post by boncho

 

I should have known better I guess..

She came at me with this @#$^ out of no where... I lost 8 years of my life do to this. I was hopeing I would get advice not crap.

I normally like your posts Boncho.

-SAP-

Sorry mate, when it comes to love us guys are fools. You can go back and find my relationship threads, I probably sound like a blathering idiot. But sometimes we need the truth.

You "not doing anything wrong" could be you didn't treat her like crap for all I know, because none of us know your lady love, there is no real insight we can give you.

Some girls thrive on negative relationships, some on positive, some just want someone who can guide them. Without specifics we are in the dark and an emotional plea ain't gonna help you.

You will appreciate my words, maybe not right now, maybe never publicly, but I tend to be pretty blunt and truthful in matters and it's the only words that will actually pull you out of the hole you are trying to dig for yourself.

Buck up.

reply to post by boncho


Should also point out, the minute you start jumping into the "It's their fault not mine" mentality you really set yourself up for some major issues in the future. I have had a ton of nasty relationships, the only common theme is they get better with time, and each time I try and be more understanding of the other half.

As I said, all girls want different things, the key is figuring out which one makes her at peace. Not just happy, but actually at peace with the relationship she is in with you.

* And if she's one of those dingbats that isn't emotionally satisfied unless she's in a screaming match every night, time to jump ship. You should be looking for someone who is secure in their own skin.

reply to post by SloAnPainful

Thats right. It doesn't do any good to say you'll be alright, it will pass, go golfing or some s*** like that.Thats not what you want to hear. You're upset, I don't blame you, I would be too.

boncho
reply to post by boncho

 

Should also point out, the minute you start jumping into the "It's their fault not mine" mentality you really set yourself up for some major issues in the future. I have had a ton of nasty relationships, the only common theme is they get better with time, and each time I try and be more understanding of the other half.

As I said, all girls want different things, the key is figuring out which one makes her at peace. Not just happy, but actually at peace with the relationship she is in with you.

* And if she's one of those dingbats that isn't emotionally satisfied unless she's in a screaming match every night, time to jump ship. You should be looking for someone who is secure in their own skin.

edit on 28-10-2013 by boncho because: (no reason given)

This is better than my advice....awesome post!!!

SloAnPainful
reply to post by boncho

 

I should have known better I guess..

She came at me with this @#$^ out of no where... I lost 8 years of my life do to this. I was hopeing I would get advice not crap.

I normally like your posts Boncho.

-SAP-

To elaborate on my one liner, "if you don't think you are doing anything wrong, maybe that's what you are doing wrong"… the point is: Relationships are a bitch to manage. Not just romantic ones. Family, significant other, mentor/protege, employer/employee.

I'd say it took about 30 years before I even realized how complicated they were, let alone figure it all out. (Which you never fully figure it out.) You manage though, and you get better, and you work on them every day of your life to make them as good as possible. And some times they get nasty, but if you are doing it right you see it, on special occasions, at random times, you can really see the effect you have on people.

If your history looks like a snowplow ripping through a cornfield you need to address your interactions with the people in your life, and address their traits as well to see if they are a cause. If you have 9/10 positive relationships, that one is probably the problem. But if you are 50/50, or 1/10, then you have some major soul searching to do.

I have the perfect video/audio for you to listen to.
It's really helped shape my life for the past 6 months.

If you have 25 minutes to spare, give it a go.

Best advice I can give is eat, work and sleep. It's going to suck. It sounds trite, but start working out. It helps a lot. Going for a walk or a run and sweating it out really helps.

This sounds as trite as saying something sounds trite, but man, it's so much better to lose someone and start over than continue with someone who is over you. Look forward to that next first date, and first kiss, where you're all nervous and it feels like you're melting in to the girl. Look forward to meeting someone you're even more compatible with.

8 years is a long time, and I get what you mean when you say you didn't do anything wrong. Ignore the nonsense. You probably didn't do anything wrong, but the relationship just wasn't right. It's hard to be the one that gets blindsided with it, but as the old adage goes, 'better to have loved and lost'. That doesn't mean you won't love and win next time. Man hug.

reply to post by Domo1


Thanks Domo. It hasn't been easy for me. I've been ballin' my eyes out. Your post helped\, not that others didn't.

I was sober off booze for a long time, then this happend. I lost the will.

-SAP-

reply to post by SloAnPainful


I have to agree with Boncho on this one and say it may well have been the fact you did nothing wrong. Some women are just drama queens and love the tension, in exactly the same way men are. Some just look for faults, some get treated well and run away from it, there's a bjillion reasons why a woman will suddenly decide to cut and run. Trouble is there's no explaining it.

Time is your only friend here. It'll hurt, it'll suck and you'll take a massive hit to your ego and your inner self over it.

Luckily, you'll also learn from it. Mate, women are the hardest things to understand in the universe. At almost 40, I just figured don't bother trying to understand, it's clearly not working, so just be. The right one seemed to come along eventually, when I was looking the other way.

Yes it's unorthodox, yes it's not a traditional relationship, but it works. It took me nearly 40 years to work that one out, and it just seems to get better as time goes on as a result. The relationship I didn't want, turned out to be what I needed. Stupid hey??

For now, find something you can throw yourself into with gusto, go out and make an ass of yourself at every opportunity, hell, try to not remember the next six months for all the damage you'll do. At the end of it you'll be a better man, promise.

Remember a simple truth, there is no greater revenge than living well.

Travel. I dont know your situation but leave. just pack up and go. Go to India go to a completely random country just have a breather for a year. # your job, # everything and just leave. It will be the best thing ( im sure some people will disagree). Run away. Im sure everything reminds you of her and if you just leave and go to a completely random place and meet some completely new faces then your mind will be drawn away from her.

Best of luck friend. Dont do anything foolish. there is always light at the end of the tunnel

Namaste

I've met the same fate, just accept it. Life goes on, alone, but goes on. Don't bother trying to find someone else, just reminds of what is broken. Don't listen to music or watch romantic flics. No drinking either, funs over, be a zombie, wake, eat and sleep, good luck to ya...