Ok...ive been diagnosed with PTSD, schizophrenia, psychosis, type A cluster personality disorder, and narcissistic anti-social personality
i think i was diagnosed with these as a cover for a group of people trying to antagonize me until i do something nuts...(which i wont btw)...so they
can get me out of the picture, to take over the raising of my babies. As well as covering thier own tracks...as they feel i am a liability.
they tried to medicate me...halidol, resperidol, trazadone, benzo something or the other, and various other pills made up the cocktail that blinded
and almost killed me. (my eyesight is better now.)
I have had nightmares...if thats what you want to call them,...for years...and years...there is a plant that when ingested keeps the dreams...sleep
paralysis..whatever they are..away, but that plant is not allways available.
These nightmares are terribly frightening..and very real...the last two i had were the same theme....being antagonized by the current boyfriend of an
x. Two different dreams about two different x's. In both dreams i was taunted by these men...its almost like if i would have attacked them in my
dreams then i would be unfit as a human being...both instances i passed...not because im a good guy, but because i dont like to hurt folks,,,so i
dont...not even in my dreams.
I wish i had the courage in my dreams to beat these guys severely about the head and shoulders...but nope..i become frightened and freeze..even as
they are taunting me. Just like in school. I tried to stand up to bullies..
Sometimes the dreams are of...fear, no images, no theme, just terror. I freeze in my bed, screaming , trying to bring myself out...usually it works,
but it wakes the whole house up, and makes it where no one wants to be around me, scares evrybody iguess. It has caused and continues to cause me so
much pain. I dont expect any magic advice...you guys are super smart , but i dont expect any lifechanging remedy..i got a dog..Bingo...he helps...hugs
and stuff. Im trying very hard to be normal so i can be in my kids life...but the longer time i go without....the worse the dreams become..i have
experimented long periods without the natural relaxant...and verified the validity of my theory.
The accusations that i somehow caused this condition fly around like glowflies at a landfill... I will never give up...just wanted to know if anyone
else out there deals with similar things...maybe youll share...bye for now.
edit on 25-10-2013 by sikko45 because: didnt