Me, and my damaged brain and me...

A year ago I injured myself by hitting my head. I suffered some brain damages.

Some of it was, surprisingly, positive like, in its effects; I stopped smoking without any of the bad stuff we usually feel when stopping smoking. Old physical pains, even my asthma, has gone, or lessened its negative impacts on the body.

But I also suffered from different types of amnesia.

For instance, I looked up some Beatles music a few days ago, on youtube, and there right before me, were tons of song by them I didn't know. At all.
I forgot words, and the weirder part? I could not even describe with proper words what I was talking about. If I wanted to talk about a car, but forgot the word, I could not say box-like, wheels, tires, or even vroom-vroom. I was left with very little to tell what I had in mind.

Also, I would stop talking mid-sentence, not knowing anymore that I was talking. My interlocutor would need to tell me that we were talking and what I was talking about before it would come back to me, if it did at all.

My short term memory has been scrapped but it has improved in the last weeks. For nearly 8 months following the accident, I was not able to watch a movie or tv show, nor could I read. I was simply unable to remember what was going on with what I was looking at... Writing was Hell. Still is, trying to make sense of anything I need to express.

Strangely enough, my short term memory also impairs my ability to remember my dreams. I'll wake and know I was dreaming, but won't know about what at all.

I also seem to suffer from a sort of partial anhedonia, a loss of pleasure. Not on everything though. There are things I used to care about that I don't anymore. Things that didn't make me laugh before now do, and what did don't anymore. Same with sadness, anger, in brief, its like I just changed the points given for a character balance in a video game.

But it doesn't bother me one iota. I used to wonder if an amnesic cared for what he didn't remember.

Well, for me, I don't care. From my own point of view, I have no strings attaching me to some peoples or events from the life I had as who I was before the accident.

Some will find it harsh, but imagine yourself being told to feel attached to a stranger in the bus as you do your loved ones. It feels just like that for me, even if I have memories with the people or events I'm talking about. I imagine I should feel a bit discomforted by all this, but the truth is I don't.

What else? I use some words instead of the good ones. I'll say yogurt instead of ice cream, even when asked what ice cream I am holding. Then I notice my gaffe, and correct with the proper word; YOGURT! lol

I could say it is annoying, but it almost is not. At least not for me. I stutter a bit now and words starting with the letter d have a tendency to stop my speech for 2-3 seconds before I can go on.

My pain level is all messed up. I'll feel the same pain you do, but only for a few minutes. I burned my hand a few weeks ago, to the point of losing some skin, but after a few minutes, I could put my hand under warm water and it would mildly tingle, or scratch...
My neck and head, though, still feel very painful, sometimes like the moment I injured myself. And no pain killers are working then.

Or my messed up pain level is softening the blow, and I don't even know it. But it makes me understand why some pro sports players that suffered repetitive concussions end up killing themselves.

There are days when the pain is not that bad, but still barely tolerable. Because even if you look ok and act ok, you feel your brain is destroyed. I know there are days I feel totally destroy, and if I was to die right then, I wouldn't mind at all.

But don't worry, I'm not feeling suicidal. I am just witnessing myself suffer symptoms, and felt I needed to share so people would know what it feels like.

It also leads to some very interesting facts. People who are judgmental and had wrong ideas as to who I was still perceive me as who they think I was and still think I am. Others who aren't judgmental notice my personality has changed. Not necessarily by much, but enough to be noticed.

I have a bit less inhibitions concerning some things, like I'm more likely to tell "# off" than I used to. So I police myself, but sometimes I just can't and it all comes out.

----

OK, my brain is pretty tired now so I'll let it at that for now. I'll come back later to answer people, if any comment at all. lol

I feel like its a lousy half-made OP, but if I paste the text I just wrote and save it on my desktop, it'll just get old there without ever being seen again.

PS: I try to read my texts to correct as I write pretty darn stupidly from time to time. So if it all or partially sound totally incoherent, well... meh.

I don't care anymore, I said it above somewhere...

reply to post by NowanKenubi


I suggest 3 things:

1.) Colloidal Gold, specifically one called MesoGold; amazing! Colloidal gold improves dream recall, boosts iq, improves creativity, is good for joints, and it's more conductive than copper, you'll see what I mean.

2.) High quality shark liver oil

3.) and Gotu Kola Extract or leaves; either straight or make a tea.

This is one of the most unique threads I've come across on ATS. This thread most definitely is not half-assed like you mentioned.

It is really neat to have a first hand account on what you've experienced. Not only did you tell us what you experienced and how it has affected you, but you also went even further and gave us some insight into how YOU, personally, feel about this whole situation you are going through. Quite remarkable!

I was in a car accident and wound up with Temporal lobe epilepsy along with some neck damage and another screwed up vertebrae between my shoulder blades. Never look in the back seat when stopped at the stop sign, your neck does not flex when the vertebrae are twisted. It pulls on the spine also.

My problems with memory disappeared when I quit taking the meds. It took a couple of months before I noticed enough improvement that made a difference. I can't take antiepileptic meds according to the doctor, I went through five types and they all had major effects. The effects differed a bit but all were very bad.

I notice that eating food that is the same chemistry as the meds works but there are the same symptoms if I eat too much of one type of chemistry at a time. I learned to control it using variations in the diet using about five types of control foods on a rotating basis.

When I got the Temporal Lobe Epilepsy it was scarey. Rerouting signals all over the brain gives some strange new experiences. I do have a lot of little messed up memories about things I used to do regularly. I was a builder and the stuff I knew is now plagued with little forgotten steps that made my work efficient. I tried relearning this stuff but it seems you can't do that properly. I guess this is why they try to retrain people in a different profession after an injury, they can't fix some of the stuff in the brain. It seems you think you know about it so you do not pay attention when you do them. When I do carpentry it is tiring because I have to think about what I am doing now and evaluate what may be missing.

I went back to my original interest, studying medicine. I am not interested in learning the conditioning fed to the doctors here in America though. I want to figure how to cure diseases or never have them manifest. It is better not to get sick than to treat sickness when you get ill. I have no problem with this learning.

S&F man, great post.

I had a concussion 4 years ago.

I still can't watch a fast moving TV show .. makes it hard to watch hockey games some times. I can't go to the big screen movies without having to close my eyes because of flashing and fast moving on the screen. I couldn't really get on a computer for a good 6 months after the concussion. I still forget words ... it's like I"m looking right at them in my brain but they just disappear. So I use other words that are similar. My personality changed too. I"m lots more emotional now. My husband adapted to the new me pretty well though. I give him credit.

ETA ... I forget most of my dreams now too, just like the OP. I used to remember them all. Now they fade instantly and are hard to hold onto for remembering.

NowanKenubi
A year ago I injured myself by hitting my head. I suffered some brain damages.

Some of it was, surprisingly, positive like, in its effects; I stopped smoking without any of the bad stuff we usually feel when stopping smoking. Old physical pains, even my asthma, has gone, or lessened its negative impacts on the body.

But I also suffered from different types of amnesia.

For instance, I looked up some Beatles music a few days ago, on youtube, and there right before me, were tons of song by them I didn't know. At all.
I forgot words, and the weirder part? I could not even describe with proper words what I was talking about. If I wanted to talk about a car, but forgot the word, I could not say box-like, wheels, tires, or even vroom-vroom. I was left with very little to tell what I had in mind.

Also, I would stop talking mid-sentence, not knowing anymore that I was talking. My interlocutor would need to tell me that we were talking and what I was talking about before it would come back to me, if it did at all.

My short term memory has been scrapped but it has improved in the last weeks. For nearly 8 months following the accident, I was not able to watch a movie or tv show, nor could I read. I was simply unable to remember what was going on with what I was looking at... Writing was Hell. Still is, trying to make sense of anything I need to express.

Strangely enough, my short term memory also impairs my ability to remember my dreams. I'll wake and know I was dreaming, but won't know about what at all.

I also seem to suffer from a sort of partial anhedonia, a loss of pleasure. Not on everything though. There are things I used to care about that I don't anymore. Things that didn't make me laugh before now do, and what did don't anymore. Same with sadness, anger, in brief, its like I just changed the points given for a character balance in a video game.

But it doesn't bother me one iota. I used to wonder if an amnesic cared for what he didn't remember.

Well, for me, I don't care. From my own point of view, I have no strings attaching me to some peoples or events from the life I had as who I was before the accident.

Some will find it harsh, but imagine yourself being told to feel attached to a stranger in the bus as you do your loved ones. It feels just like that for me, even if I have memories with the people or events I'm talking about. I imagine I should feel a bit discomforted by all this, but the truth is I don't.

What else? I use some words instead of the good ones. I'll say yogurt instead of ice cream, even when asked what ice cream I am holding. Then I notice my gaffe, and correct with the proper word; YOGURT! lol

I could say it is annoying, but it almost is not. At least not for me. I stutter a bit now and words starting with the letter d have a tendency to stop my speech for 2-3 seconds before I can go on.

My pain level is all messed up. I'll feel the same pain you do, but only for a few minutes. I burned my hand a few weeks ago, to the point of losing some skin, but after a few minutes, I could put my hand under warm water and it would mildly tingle, or scratch...
My neck and head, though, still feel very painful, sometimes like the moment I injured myself. And no pain killers are working then.

Or my messed up pain level is softening the blow, and I don't even know it. But it makes me understand why some pro sports players that suffered repetitive concussions end up killing themselves.

There are days when the pain is not that bad, but still barely tolerable. Because even if you look ok and act ok, you feel your brain is destroyed. I know there are days I feel totally destroy, and if I was to die right then, I wouldn't mind at all.

But don't worry, I'm not feeling suicidal. I am just witnessing myself suffer symptoms, and felt I needed to share so people would know what it feels like.

It also leads to some very interesting facts. People who are judgmental and had wrong ideas as to who I was still perceive me as who they think I was and still think I am. Others who aren't judgmental notice my personality has changed. Not necessarily by much, but enough to be noticed.

I have a bit less inhibitions concerning some things, like I'm more likely to tell "# off" than I used to. So I police myself, but sometimes I just can't and it all comes out.

----

OK, my brain is pretty tired now so I'll let it at that for now. I'll come back later to answer people, if any comment at all. lol

I feel like its a lousy half-made OP, but if I paste the text I just wrote and save it on my desktop, it'll just get old there without ever being seen again.

PS: I try to read my texts to correct as I write pretty darn stupidly from time to time. So if it all or partially sound totally incoherent, well... meh.

I don't care anymore, I said it above somewhere...

Going to work now but i'll be coming back to this thread. You and I are alike.

reply to post by NowanKenubi


You are experiencing something very unique. Thanks for sharing and offering to respond to random questions.

Did you experience any changes in your spiritual beliefs (or non-beliefs) because of this injury? How do you feel about your fellow human at this point? Would you rather be alone or be in the company of others?

reply to post by NowanKenubi


Dude, thanks for sharing this. It's always fascinating to hear first-hand the unique ways that brain injuries can manifest, both negative and positive.

I have always wondered if people who experience life the way you do will ever be used by brain surgeons to learn to "fix" other people. Like smokers, or people in chronic pain, or people who have been hurt by abuse and need to forget. It seems you have changes in your brain now that would help with these things.

What's neat is that your brain, being a filter for your true self (soul, etc), can be that altered yet you are essentially still you.

ps - From now on, just buy frozen yogurt.

Your Op was very interesting. Hope you are feeling good at this moment and I wish you all the best.

reply to post by StopThaZionistWorldOrder


I'll look into your suggestions, thanks

Shark liver oil? I love a good shark steak once in a while, but I have troubles already with castor oil! lol

reply to post by supermarket2012


Thanks. I have been thinking of sharing this for a few months, but after a few attempts, I kept rewriting what I had written, and at the end, I had only written the end of the story, having erased everything else in the process... lol

I decided to wait and today, I was answering on a thread about dreams when I noticed it was this thread I was writing... So I cut and paste, and expended on it until I couldn't anymore.

I also wanted to share about how I felt because I remembered wondering about that, not really having read about it. Well, if I did, I didn't remember, so...

my father had such a bad car crash he was dead for 10 mins he now has 60% of his brain dead in constant pain has me and post traumatic stress disorder poisoning from when he worked as a stoker in the royal navy he can do normal things but slowly and he has terrible memory and all my life ive cared for my dad and no one will listen when my dad says he just cant cope anymore and wants to die as he been dieing for 26 years very very slowly he is constantly deteriorating and 3 vertebrae in his neck is fused and gonna blow soon and he has partially riped his spinal cord so if the vertebrae blows he dead wish there was cures

reply to post by NowanKenubi


I have no idea but after i finished reading.. i felt like i should sit beside you and pat you on the back... i don't know why...

i feel more sorry for my dad no pain reliefs even take the edge off and he on morphine its horrible i feel so guilty coz nothing helps and resting makes it worse

reply to post by kezzy24


I was to answer everyone in order, but I needed to talk to you first.

Don't feel guilty for your dad. It will only distract you from what good moments you have left with him.

If anything, he feels guilty for having this injury.

I sleep less than before and I wasn't a big sleeper to begin with. But it is true, resting is of no help at all. The only things that help me a bit are a specially design foam pillow, and a neck collar I put on when needed. I try to avoid pain medicine as much as possible.

I wish you and your dad the best. My heart is with you. I wish I could say more...

yeh but dad just cant cope hes so agitated he cant remember the crash only waking up from 6 month coma and he has this thing where he goes into this waking coma for a week due to brain swelling and he wont remember last time mum caught walking in garden naked in a trance like state

reply to post by rickymouse


My accident was one by compression. I was very lucky because usually, if it doesn't kill you right away, it leaves you paralyzed.

I feared the doctors would fuse some of my neck vertebrae, too, an decided to wait a bit. I consulted a chiropractor I know that is very very good 10 weeks after the accident.
We took an x-ray, and we saw my head was dislocated from my last vertebrae, and my neck was now bent backwards, instead of forward, like it naturally does.
She was really surprised at the damage I inflicted upon myself...

After a few months, I decided to get a collar to support my head. It just kept on dislocating, as do any dislocated joints. Aside from pains from the neck up, I was losing about 40 % of my hearing plus I heard high pitched noise all the time.

I had constant pain in the frontal lobes too. I felt beaten in the brain, and then, I would feel like it was exploding, leaving me for a few days feeling totally destroyed.
I understood why a few weeks ago. We have arteries going inside the vertebrae. When my head dislocates, it cuts blood flow partially. When it moves back in place, the flow getting back to normal feels like Mohamed Ali punching my brains from the inside. I have developed some habits now to help correct my head to prevent it all. But not always.

So, before anyone asks, yeah, I was having a big concussion... That's why I wasn't able to decide to go to the doctor... lol

I haven't noticed my eating habit changing except for the fact that I crave salt like it was a drug... So now I try to skip adding salt to my meals once in a while to prevent overdosing on it.

I just remembered... There was one thing that helped sooth my brain after the accident. I discovered Jack White a few weeks later. I looked at what else he did and I soon got pretty much all his music, from all his bands.
I began listening to it some 20 hours a day, with my earphones cranked up. It felt like his music was literally massaging my brain. I could also form more coherent thoughts while listening to his music. I figure it has to do with his rhythms.

If I had to have seizure or epilepsy too, man... I'm glad I could skip that, at least! The Best to you, then.


I need to go for now... I'll be back later, and thanks for everyone that replied and shared till now!

reply to post by NowanKenubi


Fish helps to regenerate neurons, but it won't help you remember what you have lost. Sage and rosemary help with forming new memories also. I find putting poultry seasoning on chicken helps me to learn faster, and of course, I make sure to eat fish once a week. It is not just fish oil that helps to form braincells, it is way more complicated than that. It has to do with the structure or ratio of niacin in fish I think. It is different than regular niacin in meat which is niacinamide. Fasting also helps to make new brain cells. I still haven't figured how fasting and fish are related but they are.

If you look up notropics on wikipedia this may help. Remember also that the chemistry needed to make neurons needs to be in your body. Fasting breaks down fat cells and every fat cell has a stem cell that is freed to repair what is needed to repair. Foods we eat steer the stem cells to repair certain things. I need to try to find what chemistry in foods steer this yet, I think it has something to do with cravings you get after a time of not feeling hungry after an injury. I found a lot of this from old medical texts about starvation. It was well known that three days of not eating stimulated repair, they kept people in the hospital for three days years ago for this reason and in that time fed them very little....The people healed. The medical industry has found ways to do this with expensive pills now, that way you can go to outpatient and get healed after the three days. Some of this is in the reaction between the active and inert ingredients in the meds. A trade secret that does not have to be disclosed. The look alike meds may not have this chemistry. It is not always the main ingredient alone that makes the medicine.

The old medicine men used to be crafty. You came to them because you did not feel good and they gave you something. Sometimes it was something that made you crave the real medicine. Like giving a person salt to make them thirsty....so they drink water. Some medicines today do this, the medicine is not what is the cure, it is what it makes you crave.

reply to post by rickymouse


Thanks for that info. I'll have a bit more of reading to do now. Your info relates with the second poster about shark liver oil, since shark is a fish. Interesting.

We have the habit of eating fish at least once a week for supper and once or twice for dinner here, so that won't change much.

Yeah, I know memories gone are not very likely to come back...

Which makes me remember that you also told about having difficulties to do what you used to do, as a professional. I noticed that too. It's bugging because we feel like being pros, but end up second guessing everything we do.
You have no idea how many posts I wrote that were erased without being published... lol because I kept forgetting to write parts of them, and adding stuff would change it all... sigh.