I just need to vent I suppose. I have been sitting around thinking about this all morning and I have some advice to folks who may have a friend or
family member dealing with Cancer.
I understand death is a taboo subject in our society and culture. So there are bound to be some inappropriate responses when the subject is brought
These are some of the rudest statements that were actually said to me at some time during the last two years I've been fighting Melanoma. Please don't
say these kinds of things to people that have cancer.
1. "So when are you going to be all better? When is your cancer going to be all gone?" (to a stage IV cancer patient)
2. "It can always be worse."
3. "Lance Armstrong had cancer and he's doing fine, so you'll be fine too."
4. "Everything happens for a reason."
5. "But you don't look like you're sick...." (This is my personal favorite that immediately makes me feel like punching whoever said it in the face if
I just had the strength to.)
6. "All you need to do is think positive."
7."I'm sure its fine/I'm sure its nothing."
8. "Well, I guess you're finally getting some time off from work."
9. "You're only given what you can handle."
10. "I thought you had surgery and chemo last time? How can it be back? Just shows chemo does'nt work."
11. New Agers please don't ask about have we ever repressed negative energies to someone with cancer, we really don't want to hear it.
12. "So do they think the chemo will help?"
13. "Maybe this will help you think of all the things you need to change in your life."
14. Some bozo I just met-- "So you're going through radiation for cancer?"
Some bozo I just met-- "So how long do you have to live?"
15. Some other bozo I just met-- "Wow, you have stage 4 Melanoma?"
Me-- "Yes I do."
Some other bozo I just met-- "You know weed and baking soda cures cancer right?"
16. On telling some people of my diagnosis (Acquaintances mostly) they will then tell me about their uncle, cousin, mother friend, roommate, whoever
that had cancer and died from it. I suppose that they are trying to relate and it's the first thing that pops into their heads but still, nobody with
cancer wants to hear it.
17 "So how did you get your cancer?" (Then they will usually proceed to tell me of some homeopathic cure they read about.)
18. We don't want to hear about how cancer runs in your family.
19. We don't want to hear about how we needed to lose some weight in the first place.
20. Don't tell me that one time you had a cyst on your breast and you totally understand what I'm going through.
21. Don't tell them that their treatment isn't good for them and the chemo is just a racket by big pharma. Don't tell them about some "natural" remedy
that is just oh so sure to cure them that you read about in the latest issue of Crazycrazy Monthly.
22. Don't tell me that I should'nt be sad, I of all people have the right to be sad if I friggin want to.
23. And another favorite (well, i was split between this one and #5) that almost EVERYONE says.
"If there's anything that I can do to help, please let me know..."
99 percent of people don't really mean it and they are just trying to be nice in their own way. So please just don't even say it.
24. "You are so lucky the treatment worked!!!"
Yeah, I'm real lucky alright. I'm lucky that I'll never work again. I'm lucky that I have nerve damage and constant tinnitus from all the
cancer drugs. I'm lucky that I lost 60 pounds and was so nauseated I could'nt even watch a grocery commercial without immediately yaking. I'm lucky
that all it takes is walking to the bathroom to make me feel like i just ran a marathon. I'm lucky that my leg bones always feel like icepicks are in
them. I'm lucky I have a constant headache where that tumor destroyed all the bone and tissue behind my right eye. I'm lucky that I'm now totally
dependent on the government for disability and food stamps. I'm lucky that my feet burn constantly from the neuropathy. I'm lucky that I'm now so weak
that my wife has to open jars for me.
Anyway, that's my list. I'm sure I could sit here and list several more, these are just the ones of the top of my head. Thanks for reading.
edit on 14-10-2013 by Cancerwarrior because: (no reason given)